the end of the world as we know it

Hubby has a thing for end of the world, zombie apocalypse, alien invasion stories. Right now, I'm sitting on the couch with him, with his mother, his brother and his best friend all here, to watch yet another version of this end of the world story. A new show starring Noah Wylie, called Falling Skies just started.

I'm not in the mood. (sorry hubby, but I'm glad you're having fun making this in to a big event with your family).

I really don't want to watch yet another story of the world ending, while I am waiting so desperately patiently for the next phase my my world to start.

Hubby is a bit of a conspiracy theorist, and does think that the world will potentially face major problems in our lifetime due to oil shortages, economic collapse, etc. While I think it's probably wise to expect some type of change in the world in the future, I would really rather not spend too much time thinking about it. I have enough time with anxiety about the future and depression and disappointment about the past. I have to work really hard at thinking about now, keeping my mind in the present, enjoying the moment that I am in.

I really don't want to think about alien invasions.

But I'm really just cranky, and tired, and crampy and back achy, as AF arrived last night, and I really don't want to think about much of anything. And I certainly don't feel like being social.

The good news is that now the bathroom is clean (thanks to my awesome hubby), the rug is vacuumed and the tables are dusted because I freaked out when hubby told me of his plan to have everyone over and insisted that we do all of these things before we could allow people into our house.

It's the small victories.

I'll leave you with one more random thought. This morning, Hubby told me that he had run some statistical numbers last night. Based on the assumption that we have a 35% chance with each individual IVF cycle, after 4 cycles, our chance overall of success is in the 80s. And after 6 cycles, it would be 92%. It exhausts me to think of having to do it that many times, scares me that insurance will not cover us that long, (although I'm told my them I have no plan limits, and by my RE that they do in fact usually cover 6 cycles...please everyone, move to MA, for insurance, and because I need friends!), and gives me hope that we will in fact become parents, somehow, someway...hopefully before we have to grab our emergency go bag, can goods and cash and run for the mountains.