Boredom

Boredom at work makes for not an easy two week wait. And I still have ten days to go. I hope you will all be entertained as I slowly descend into madness due to anticipation, and that boredom I mentioned. Fridays at work are often quite lonely, as many people in my department, including on of my best friends who sits in my pod, do not work because they are at home with their lovely children.

Please let me join them.

This Friday is even worse because they are moving everyone all around. For the past nine months, I've been sitting on the first floor of our office, with the corporate interiors people, even though I work on university projects with the architects, all of whom sit upstairs. (Why they ever separated interiors from architecture is beyond me. The stupidest decision ever, but my company is known for constantly rethinking their organization). This week, they moved the two girls I can see from my computer, who sit in the next pod over, and one of my two pod mates, back upstairs. They intend to move my Fridays off friend too when a new spot opens up.

This means, the effectively left me in a black hole by taking away all the people I could actually talk to from my chair without raising my voice. Talk about inhumane treatment of prisoners employees.

You can bet, I complained about this. I will not be left behind with only 5 other people in my department, and a bunch of others, who despite sharing a kitchen with for 9 months, I have yet to learn their names, when 75 or so architects and interior designers...including the people I actually work with, sit upstairs! Nope. I won't have it. And they better not mess with me, because they have no idea how hormone crazy I am right now!

See, I told you. Be prepared for rambling posts about who the hell knows what.

At least, if I had a new project, the days would actually pass by at a reasonable rate. But no, I am doing random research projects, drawings/revising typical details that we use on many projects, and even cleaning out my email inbox.

This is just not going to cut it.

I think I need to leave. 7.2 hours is good enough for a Friday, right?

Only problem is, I have to pick Hubby up from work. We rode in together so we could go out to dinner tonight. In Boston, or Somerville, or somewhere other than the town we live in cause I am freaking stir crazy from work boredom and bed rest. And it's gorgeous outside! I have to get out there and enjoy it.

I am suddenly vaguely remembering a book I had as a kid. It was a big book, I think it was something the the muppets maybe? It was sort of like paging through one of their shows, a variety book with lots of little stories. And there was a page where someone was going insane, and the writing starting to circle around the page and spiral into the center. Does anyone remember this book?

The last thing I will leave you with is that Michele was very amused by my yoga pants. But totally, they are black, boot cut, and they look exactly like the Express ponte pants from the late 90s/early 2000s, which with a turtle neck sweater, were literally my work uniform back then. I swear, no one would know. Although, the fact that I never wear pants, just jeans or dresses, might tip them off to something.

Today, I am wearing my second largest jeans. I made it until about 1 hour after lunch until I had to undo the button. I probably should stop drinking ginger ale, but damn the queasy progesterone/anxiety stomach I have!

I wish I could make these words spiral around the edge of the page until the spiraled to the center.

Pictures

As promised, I've got pictures of my second set of triplets. Here they are...Violetta, Luigi and Lucia...again.

This time, they also gave me a photo of the moment my little beauties came home. There is a diagonal line in the lower right, which is the catheter. The dark oval in the center is my uterus, and the two white dots in the middle of that are the bubbles around my babies.

It's so surreal. 

My ovaries are finally not so sore anymore. I'm still really bloated. I wore my new yoga pants to work today. I hope they continue to be a wardrobe staple into the fall. With a nice top, no one would know they were yoga pants! I'm also starting to feel the progesterone fatigue. I might have come home from work and passed out cold for over a half hour before making dinner tonight. I'm also feeling my uterus tightening. I know all of this is just the hormones right now. It's too early for anything else. But, I can't help but notice all the same. 

Before I leave you all tonight, don't forget to enter my giveaway...

Bead Rest and Giveaways

I took today off from work for a little more rest and relaxation. To occupy my time, I decided to break out one of my old hobbies...beads! I have so many beads, I had to carry my bead bin into the living room before transfer because otherwise, I think it might be considered heavy lifting!

Last night, and this afternoon, I set about making a bunch of bracelets. Back in January, there was this "Pay it Forward" thing going on on face.book, which I volunteered to do. Basically, you had to be one of the first five people to comment on someone who was doing it, and then agree to do it yourself. And what is it that I have to do? Make something handmade/homemade for five people sometime in 2011. Well, here it is, almost October, and I really wanted to get this done before holiday madness takes over. It seemed like the perfect bed rest activity. I also had found these cute little tins when we were in P-town, and I thought they would make perfect packaging for the bracelets. 

And, because I had so much fun making bracelets, I decided that it was a good opportunity to have my very first giveaway. 

That's right girls, in addition to the five bracelets I made for my face.book friends, I made one for one of my lucky followers!

This lovely sparkly blue bracelet is the one that's up for grabs!

Here's how to enter: 

1. Be a follower. (because I want to thank my faithful readers)

2. Leave me a comment and tell me what creative things you have done to distract yourself during a two week wait. 

It's that simple. I'll be accepting entries until the end of Tuesday, October 4 (just because that's my half-birthday, and I think half-birthdays are cool!) I'll use Random.org to select the winner, and then I'll be in touch for your contact info so I can send you your prize. 

Embabies on Board

Three to be exact.

Yup, to Hubby's shock yet again, they recommended we transfer three.

All five were still growing when we got there today.

(2) 7 cell
(2) 8 cell
(1) 4 cell

They transfered both 7s and one 8. The second 8 had a poor rating for symmetry. But I was so relieved to know that we actually had a few get to 8 cells. They did not think the 4 cell would make it to freeze. But I wasn't expecting to get that far. I was really just hoping for bigger embies.

They didn't give me specific grades for our three, but they did go over all the various stats, and said all three were quite good. When the doctor who was performing the transfer came over, after the fellow had already explained their recommendation, and looked over the form we had signed agreeing to 3, he gave us a big grin and said we were brave. (This didn't help ease Hubby's nerves at all of course!) I said, well, we had three the last time too. He flipped through the chart and looked back at the last batch, and exclaimed, "Oh, no, these can't even be compared to those!"

So, despite the fact that the still seem to think that transferring 3 is the best chance I have at getting pregnant with one, I am feeling much better about my chances this time. One of the deciding factors was the fact that there were only 5 that fertilized. One more than that, and I think their recommendation would have been two.

I'm babbling on about this a bit. Just trying to process it all I guess. I so hope that this works this time. When I was back from the transfer, reclining behind the curtains, I broke down into tears for the first time since this cycle really got started. It's gone by so fast that I barely absorbed what was happening. And then, it was all done. I have my three babies, and I hope beyond all hope that at least one of them decides to stick around. And it was all just a little overwhelming.

And now, the waiting begins.

I promise a photo and more creativity soon!

Why did I come to work today?

I am completely useless. I don't have any billable work to do, which is how it's been for a lot of this cycle. Which, don't get me wrong, had been quite simply, awesome. But, the filler work is just not holding my attention today. I'm tired, and bloated. And I'd really rather be napping and counting down the minutes until 1:45 tomorrow afternoon when my beautiful embabies will come back to their mommy. 

Instead, I am here, trying to keep my eyes open an counting down the minutes until 5:30 which I'm going to consider close enough to a full day (I'm usually here til 6, but got in 15 minutes early today). It's 3:44 now. 1:46 min to go. I'm taking Wedneday off to rest, and may just make it Thursday as well, since I had planned for and didn't need a third day off for retrieval. 

Nothing profound, but I needed to entertain myself for a few minutes. 

The Report

Just spoke with the doctor. Our of 12 eggs, 8 were mature, and 5 actually fertilized. I was really hoping for more than that with the use of ICSI this time. For the first time, I'm feeling a bit of a kink in my positive outlook. It's only one more than we had the last time. I hope a few of them make it to 8 cells this time. We will have the transfer on Tuesday, a 3 day transfer. My clinic doesn't do 5 days, and has actually even starting doing 2 day transfers when there are very few embryos and they don't actually have a choice of which ones to put back.

OK, so, a few deep breaths, and I'm processing the numbers a little more.

8 mature with 5 fertilized is a fertilization rate of 62%

Last time, I have 13 mature with 4 fertilized, which is a rate of 30%.

If I look at it this way, that's twice a good as last time, right? I'm really hoping these are of a better quality. And like we all often remind ourselves, it only takes one, right? I will get a call tomorrow with a time for Tuesday's transfer. We won't know anymore about quality until we get to transfer.

So until then, distraction is the mission.

Fashion Distraction

I'm pretty sure that the Creativity Distraction Challenge is going to be even more important in the next two weeks than it was leading up to this point. It's a good thing it's one of my favorite times of year...Fashion Show time.

In my industry (interior design) in my town (Boston) those two words mean only one thing. Every year, the IID.A (Inter.national Interior Design Assoc.iation hosts it's annual fundraising event. Which is, if you haven't guessed, a fashion show.

What does fashion have to do with interior design, you might ask? Well, quite a bit when interior designers from firms all over Boston are teamed with up manufacturer's reps and challenged to create a fashion concoction our of industry materials. This means carpets, including backings and yarns, ceramic tile, paint, swatches, wood veneer, drapery and upholstery fabric, even lighting. It's the even of the year here, every October, and we usually start talking about it in June.

My husband hates it! It consumes weeks of my fall, and I always end up being somehow disappointed that our entry didn't go just quite so. But yet, every year, I keep going back for more. (there are awards you see, which I we have yet to win!) I have worked on entries for 7 years and attended the event for 8 of the 13 years it has existed. It has kind of taken the place that theater had in my life in college.

This year, I've lost some of my fashion show mojo, seeing as we started thinking about it in the middle of IVF 1.0. But, now that we're down to 2.5 weeks left, and haven't rallied many troops to our cause, someone has to pick up the pace, and make sure we don't embarrass our sponsors! A group of us stayed one night last week to make some progress.

One of our sponsors this year is a paint manufacturer.
We haven't yet decided how we will be using these paint cans. 

I whipped this brushes into a necklace the other night with some fishing line. 

I can't show you too much until after the show, you know, just in case someone out there is a competitor. But I will show you a few images from past shows so you can get an idea of what a huge deal this event really is. 

Each entry poses behind a scrim before they hit the 60 foot long runway. 

Our entry last year, above, was made from various layers that make carpet, including the yarn, (which we though was so cool to use because we hadn't seen anyone use it before), and small mosaic tile. The theme of the show last year was Revolution. We were going for a Victorian Super Hero/Steam Punk thing. 

And then we saw this entry, by the previous years winners. They worked with carpet materials too. And they knitted! And not only that, they did a steam punk thing too, and actually carried steam! It's hard to see here, but they had 4 models, impecably constructed, and they even made their shoes! (I have to give up on winning this thing and just enjoy the craftiness.) 

Another firm's entry. This blue stuff is actually very stiff and plasticy. The models were getting rashes on their arms from brushing against it. Fashion hurts!

Two years ago, the theme was Fabuless. This was made from plastic bags. 

Our Fabuless entry was titled "More or Less." The idea was that one dress had a whole lot more going on in the front than in the back, and vice versa. 

This was in progress, but then, the dress would unfold and extend down the run way, becoming even "more" than you though. 

Here is is all bustled up. 

Here, you can see the back of the other dress (with more in the front).  

And here's me, with our two models. 

Three years ago, for the tenth anniversary, before the industry crashed and started laying everyone off, the theme was Decadence. This entry won one of the awards. 

One of our models for Decadence, made from leather, wood veneer and fabric.
She's Eve from the Garden of Eden. Hubby was the one who actually found the glittered apple for me, after I dragged him into endless stores looking for one. 

Another of our Decadence entries, a chandelier/Marie Antoinette inspired creation.

One more of our Decadence, the one I worked on most. And clearly struggled to get a good photo of!
It's Russian inspired. 

Anyway, trying to get my fashion show mojo perked back up so I can use it to distract me during the two week wait. Beta is 10/10. Show is 10/13. 

More later, I'm sure, once I get my fert report. 

A Carton of Eggs

Yes, that's right...we got a dozen!

I'm thrilled with that number, because they had said I had only 10 measurable follicles on Thursday. Everything went really smoothly this morning. I was much more relaxed this time, knowing what to expect.

Now, I'm home, relaxing on the couch. Probably about to take yet another nap. It's amazing how groggy I am. Other than that, I'm a little sore, more so when I'm up moving around. Good thing I don't have to do too much of that!

The trigger went fine at our friend's house the other night. But, of course, we we ready to leave right before 9pm. Thankfully, Hubby had about half a glass of wine left, we he was like...oh, we'll just stay until I finish my wine. Then he got up and went to the downstairs bathroom, giving me the opportunity to wait a minute and then head to the upstairs bathroom. He came up and joined me in a minute. We had to do the shot with me standing up...which I think lead to my ass hurting a lot more this time than last. But, all in all, it went fine, and nobody questioned why we were both gone at the same time.

So, now, I just have to relax and wait for tomorrow fertilization report sometime around 1. I'm glad it's the weekend and I can keep relaxing instead of having to go to work!

Hopefully later today, or tomorrow I will finally get some creativity back in to a post. I have a few things to share...it's just been a busy few days!

Wow

I wasn't expecting this. We trigger tonight!

This went really fast. Only 7 full days of stims. That does seem fast, doesn't it?

Whew.

I'm not quite mentally prepared for this. And if would figure, we're going to a friend's house for dinner tonight, with Hubby's mom, who designs kitchens for L*wes. They want to get some advice from her for what they are planning. We live about 15min away from them. We trigger at 9pm tonight. There is no way we will be home from dinner by then when it doesn't even start until 7pm!

So, now I have to wrap my mind around triggering somewhere in my friends house, probably standing up in a bathroom while my MIL is downstairs talking about kitchens.

Can nothing go smoothly?

But, I won't have to miss work for retrieval since we go in at 8am on Saturday. Transfer will either be a 2 or 3 day. I guess they have just started doing 2 days, which is kind of interesting. So, that will be Monday or Tuesday. Probably in the afternoon, so it hopefully won't interfere with Hubby's shrink appointment.

One more interesting thing...now that I know my conception date, of course, I had to immediately look up the due date.

June 16.

One day before my niece's 2nd birthday, and the day I found out that IVF #1 didn't work. Spooky, right?

Juror Number 8, You Have Been Challeneged

Yup. That's right, the guy abused of breaking a restraining order on multiple occasions in what I can only assume is some kind of issue of domestic abuse didn't want sweet, young (looking) innocent me on his jury! And now I find myself with a free afternoon in the shoppers' heaven of Natick/Framingham! Locals will know what I mean.

No way am I going back to work. I just had a burrito and am heading to the Container Store next door. Then maybe Khols next!

My early appointment this morning was fine. I have 11 follies now, three more than yesterday. The nurse who took my blood thinks retrieval will be this weekend. This is going fast!

Oh, and I made it to jury duty by about 8:10. I was the first one there, armed with a letter from my doctor saying unwound be unable to serve next week. They said the trial would be over today, but when I had the chance, I still went up to the judge to tell him about my availability for my own piece of mind.

So, after what was probably a little too much obsessing over the whole thing, I am going to enjoy my unexpected afternoon of shopping!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Is there a nice way...

...to tell the nine-month pregnant woman who's last day of work before maternity leave is Friday and the mom with the seventh-month old strapped to her chest to get the hell away from my desk? There are plenty of other places to chat in this office.

Thanks.

(sorry prego bloggy friends...tired and hormonal today, and this woman got married at 7 months pregnant, so I'm guessing she's not one of us.)

Early Morning Monitoring

I had my monitoring appointment this morning at 7:30. Have I ever mentioned that I am not a morning person? I usually barely hit the shower by 7:20. Hubby rolls out of bed when I'm done in the bathroom, close to 8. We're lucky to live less that 20 minutes from our jobs (which are right down the street from each other), and have the luxury of not getting in until 9. Although this does mean working until 6.

Anyway, this morning, the alarm went off 45 minutes earlier than usual so I could leave the house my 7:10. I am also lucky enough to live 20 min (traffic depending) from my clinic. I was out of the bathroom, getting dressed and bugging Hubby to get up and help me with my injections by 6:50.

Of course, it had to be one of those mornings when the Gonal.F pen didn't have enough left in it to make a full dose. OK, 37.5 from one, go grab another from the fridge. Prime it. Dial it up to 112.5. Jab it in. Count the clicks.

Do any of you count the clicks on the pen? As you depress the plunger, it clicks for each increment of 37.5...usually. So, 112.5 should be three clicks. Hubby jabs in the needle. Click...Click...    ....? Ugh, are you kidding me? The dial shows the correct dose. What do we do? I am quickly running out of time, and need to at least put a little bit of make-up on my face so I don't doubly scary people both by getting in to work before 8:30, and by the incredible dark circles under my eyes!

Since we still have the gani.relix left to go, we decide to just relax, and let it go. Things seem to be moving along just fine, and we have another dose tonight. If we really did miss a click, then we're only down my 12.5% for the day. Gani.relix went fine, although it did sting a bit. I find that anything that manages to run down the outside of the needle while getting the air out of the syringe always stings more.

I made it to the clinic by 7:32! Granted, I am now eating my cereal out of a coffee mug at work, instead of a home like usual, but not too shabby. It's funny that the earlier I have to go, the faster I can get there, because  there just isn't traffic on the highway yet.

I my follie counts from the sonographer...still waiting for results and instructions from the nurse. It is only 8:57 after all. Anyway, I have 8 measurable, the largest being 20, 16 and 14. I'm hoping we'll end up with more. And I am totally reserving judgement at this point because looking back at my records, on day 9 the last time, I only had 7 above 10, and I ended up with 14 total. So, I still feel really good about the way things are progressing.

I guess that's all for now. I need to post some more crafty/inspiration, but that's not as easy to do from work. Stay tuned!

* * * 

Added later at 9:15am...E2 is 749, up 182 from yesterday. Yes, I am stalking my lab results online. They are so speedy!

* * * 

Added again at 2:34pm...sometimes I'm glad I worry about things in advance...turns out they do want me back for more monitoring tomorrow morning, so I get to do that on the way to jury duty. Good times ahead! But, the nurse said all is going well. Still no changes to my dose which makes me feel good about life for some reason. 

Moving Right Along

Before I update you all on my cycle progress, I have to update you on my coworker. When I arrived at work yesterday morning, I heard him talking to our other pod mate..."yeah, so, we're just going to try again..." I walked over and said, "not good news, huh? I'm so sorry to hear that." And even more sorry to have to see an innocent, excited former dad-to-be have to be inaugurated into our ranks. It just plain old sucks. Wrapping up the conversation, he said "and what sucks is, now we're realizing just how child/family centric this wold is."

Yup.

I think it happened pretty quickly for them, so hopefully they will bounce back and have success again soon.

OK, so now for my cycle. I had blood work this morning. E2 is 567. I'm really excited about this. Last IVF on Day 5 I was at 189, and they upped my doses. This time, same dose, and back in tomorrow morning for b/w and u/s. This tells me that my follicles must be growing at a more even rate instead of having to play catch up like last time. That has to be a good thing, right?

I also start gani.relix tomorrow morning. Anyone have experience with this? I don't really know what to expect. I'm so used to Gonal.F by now that it barely phases me. It doesn't sting or anything. It's my fifth cycle using it (if you count IUIs). But gani.relix has not been on my radar, and I haven't seen a lot of people talk about it.

I'm doing fine so far. But I think I am going to be waddling in a few days. I'm definitely starting to get uncomfortable already. I bought some new black yoga pants the other day that I think I can wear to work, which should help a lot. I will be wearing them to my jury duty on Thursday for sure. As far as that saga, I was able to reserve the first appointment on Thursday just in case I need it. They are still holding it since I have to go back in tomorrow, and we don't know what that will bring, so I'm much more relaxed about that.

Hubby, on the other hand, is having a hard time wrapping his mind around the always moving target that is an IVF cycle. I mentioned to him the other day that early next week was likely to be the retrieval. And then, we ended up rescheduling an appointment with his shrink for next Monday, moved up from 10/6 which should have had no conflict. He's having a really hard time right now, and wants to get back on some meds before the days get too much shorter. Poor guy. I was like, but I told you...and I'm sorry, I can't tell you for sure. But, come Saturday, you may just have to cancel. I don't know what else to tell him. I've gotten used to not being able to plan anything for sure, but he seems to have a mental block against anything that is tentatively scheduled. I don't know how to help him. I am just trying to focus on keeping myself as calm and relaxed as possible.

The other things I need to work on are sleep and meals. I'm now remembering how I was always super hungry, yet didn't feel like eating anything due to the rapid enlargement of my abdomen. I just don't know what the right reasonably healthy foods that aren't going to make me feel disgusting might be.

And sleep. I had a hard time falling asleep last night. And got up a few times to pee. Tonight, in addition to C+B, I will be soaking my feet in a tub of warm water as recommended by my acupuncturist last week. We'll see if that helps.

All right, I've babbled on long enough. I suppose I should get back to work!

The Big Green Table

This weekend was non-stop work around the house. I worked on painting the master bedroom all day yesterday while Hubby was at a work event. There was so much prep to do, that I didn't even start painting until 2 in the afternoon. Which left the second coat for this morning, along with some yard work. I am wiped out! And with all the up and down, ladder climbing, floor siting, and bending I'm doing, I'm really glad I decided to do the painting only 3 days in to stims, and not 10! No way was that going to happen. I'm excited though, that I am starting to feel my ovaries. I hope they are making lots of follicles!

Anyway, in between all of the painting, Hubby had a few minutes last night to carry the table in from the garage and put the top on the base, and the new casters on the feet. I'm am loving the bright pop of color in the middle of the room, and how it's making all the other accents come together. 

I also love that it's round, which means no sharp corners for Violetta to bang her head on when she starts walking around (positive thinking!)

By the way, I think this Creativity Distraction Challenge really is doing wonders for me. I encourage you all to participate! Let me know if you want in...whatever it is you might want to distract yourself from. 

Nieveté

This morning, my podmate at work whispered, "Hey Jen, I've got a question for you..." We ask each other questions all day about our various areas of expertise, so that was nothing out of the ordinary. But he started schooching closer in his chair. "It's a personal question," he said in a low voice. So I schooched in too.

"My wife just texted me that she's spotting...what do I do? Is that bad?"

Woah boy, TMI, for a coworker for sure. I mean, here in blogger land, we know pretty much anything goes, but on a Friday morning at work...?

Let me start from the beginning. Sometime this spring, he was talking about how he was looking to buy a house, and that it was time to start trying for a family. I think he's close to my age. I've never met his wife, but I feel like she's more like 30, than mid-30s. A little voice in my head said..."you just know he's going to have a baby before you do, don't you?"

A few weeks ago, he had a crazy week. He missed work because he dog needed surgery, and then a few days later, was out again, at the emergency room with his wife, who was fainting.

Pregdar.

She's pregnant.

The next morning, he's back at work and I asked how he was, his dog was, and how his wife was. He gave me this goofy grin and says..."It gets better...she's 4.5 weeks!"

Um, so you mean, she's like 3 days late? Are you kidding me right now dude? You shouldn't be telling me this! Has she even had a second beta yet? What the hell! Stop!

But I smile, and say congratulations. And the bitter in fertile in me actually said out loud "I guess you probably won't be spending $5,000 on surgeries for your dog anymore!" Yeah, not really nice. Couldn't help it.

A few minutes later, I heard him telling some other guys at work that he was going to be a dad. And the little voice in my head said "I told you so."

It turns out, because of the fainting, she's had a lot of ultrasounds. If I remember when this all started, she should be about 8 weeks by now. They had one last week. When he told me about the spotting, I told him that they shouldn't panic, that from what I hear (and he has no idea how much I actually know!) it happens, but she should call her doctor right away. He told me that they had another ultrasound scheduled today. I asked about last week...and commented that it seemed like a lot. He said that last week, they had only found a tube, but no embryo. I'm going to assume he meant sac. Her betas (he didn't use that word, he said numbers) are doubling though, so the doctors were rethinking their estimate of how far along she actually is.

He left work late this morning for the appointment, and worked from home for the rest of  the day, so I don't know how things turned out. I really hope that it works out for them. But the whole situation just makes me reflect on the differences better infertile and fertile behavior. At 4.5 weeks pregnant, most infertiles are freaking out about a doubling beta, and aren't actually declaring themselves pregnant until it does. I couldn't help but think that this guys has no idea what that means. It is a weird concept to grasp. That's for sure. I mean, if this cycle works for me, then currently, I am one day pregnant. Bizarre.

It's interesting too, to observe the differences in pregnant infertile behavior. I am glad to see that at some of you manage to embrace and enjoy, and are willing to share with us the joys of their pregnancies. I know it's a touchy subject for a lot of us, fac*book, and all that mumbo jumbo. I haven't really talked about my thoughts on that subject, but I do hope that someday I will announce my pregnancy on FB, because I want people to share in my joy, and because I will have worked hard, and they will have waited patiently for the news. And because most of my FB friends who want kids already have them. I'm really good at being last. Yes, it hurts to read all the pregnancy announcements of others there, but that doesn't mean I am not happy for them. And it doesn't mean they wrote that announcement to spite me. The fact is, I'm in my mid thirties. That's when people get pregnant these days, if they haven't already. They don't get pregnant just to piss me off. It's just life.

Anyway, just some random thoughts.

I am three shots in to my stims, and I have a splitting headache. I'm looking forward to painting my bedroom this weekend though! We finally settled on a color. I'll reveal it after the room is done. I definitely need to get some more pictures up for my Creativity Challenge, and stop just talking about it. I promise...

Good to Go!

Oh, thank goodness! I'm good to start stims tonight. By this morning, there were still no signs of spots, but the nurse said to come anyway, and let them know if I was bleeding or not. I think the good old wandy helped loosen things up up there, because (TMI, I know, that's how we iffers are!) when the sonographer pulled it out, it looked just a tad messy. When I went to the bathroom to clean up after, I had just the teeniest color on the tissue. I've been waiting patiently all morning for the call with instructions. I was so paranoid I'd have a cyst or something. But, I'm cleared to start stims tonight! 150 of Gona.l F morning and night, back on Tuesday morning for bloodwork only. I just know they are going to want me to come in on next Thursday morning! I just know it! That's when I have jury duty. But, it is the call the night before to see if they really need you scenario, so I'm hoping they won't. But, I'm going to have to tell the nurses I will need the earliest possible appointment on Thursday if they need to see me. Yay! We're finally doing something again! I feel like a weight has been lifted. 

I need to post some more creative images. I'm at work right now, and don't have them all with me. But, I am planning on painting that bedroom this weekend, and hopefully getting the coffee table in place. I also bought some bead supplies so I could make some jewelry for my Face.book pay it foward thing while I'm on bedrest after transfer. And, I'm working on a way to make the glass door of the cabinet in my living room transluscent, since when we switch coffee tables, we'll be losing a whole bunch of storage. We are in need of more hidden storage. I've got on solution 1/3 done, but I'm not sure it's going to work. We'll see. 

OK, that was enough of a ramble, but I'm so excited to get started, I just needed to babble on for a bit!

Oh, and I have acupuncture tonight! Yippee!

Waiting for Spots

It's three days since my last pill, and one day before my baseline ultrasound...and I'm still waiting for the damn spots! I feel a little...um, shall we say, moist down there, which I hope is a good sign. I also feel the tiniest of cramps. Oh please spots, please! I can't wait any longer to start stabbing myself every morning, and every night. I've been so patient, I've been so inspired, and distracted and productive. But I really can't take much more. I really can't. I am so paranoid because the last time we were here, the spots didn't show for three days after the supposed baseline. And no one tells me what that means. They just say, call us if you're not spotting. The frustrating thing is that I have to call by 3pm in order to get a call back today, otherwise, I have to show up tomorrow morning at 7am...maybe for no reason? But what if the spots don't come until tonight. I was taking my pills at night. Maybe I should have taken them in the morning. Is it weird to go to the bathroom right now and stick a tampon up my hoo-ha and hope it doesn't come out completely clean? Would that count as a spot? Am I losing my mind?

I think so.

*  *  * 

added later: still no spots. nurse says come tomorrow anyway. the doctor will review my u/s and go from there. I have shoved no less than two tampons up and yanked them right out to inspect. mind gone. 

The Superficial Infertile

Today is 9.11.11.

To me, this is the day I take my last bcp for IVF #2.

You can call me un-American. You can call me selfish. You can even call me superficial.

What I am is a woman who has spent over 20% of her life in the last ten years focused on nothing more intensely than on her attempts to create a family. I am a woman who has fought with every ounce of emotional strength over the past three months to pull herself out of the depression brought on by a failed IVF, in order to prepare in the best way possible for the next cycle. I am a woman who is starting to feel like she's actually winning the battle against the darkness with a renewed creative energy and a positive outlook that is not giving in to her husband's ongoing struggle with depression.

I am a woman who has fought way too hard to get to where she is—feeling creative, peaceful, calm, inspired—to allow herself to go back to that dark, dark place that was the month of September ten years ago.

I just won't do it.

I need to be selfish. I need to put myself first. I need to be a superficial infertile.

And so, I am going to tell you about my next home improvement project.

Next weekend, I'm planning to paint our master bedroom. I just have to pick a color. Thoughts?

Pardon the half made bed. Wouldn't want to disturb the kitties! You can see that our quilt has just about any color you can imagine. I'm going for something from purple to berry. I was really trying to do something spicier colored for Hubby, but after we painted the living room teal instead of purple, I'm craving a purple bedroom. I need to have at least one purple room, right? But please, let me know what you all think...

Primary Care and Coffee Tables

I had a regular old doctor's appointment on Thursday. What a concept. I needed a follow-up to talk about my subclinical hypothyroidism to adjust meds if necessary, and get a refill on my Le.voxyl. My appointment was for 2:45 in the afternoon.

Note to self: Never accept an afternoon appointment at this office. Ever. Again.

After I finished checking in, the guy at the desk informed me that Dr. G was running about 45 minutes behind schedule. OK. I can probably swing that. I had intended to get back to work for the end of the day, and to say good-bye to a good friend of mine, whose last day was Thursday. After an hour, I was told there was one more person before me, and it wold be about another 15 minutes. After an hour and forty-five minutes, I finally made it into the exam room.

Are you kidding me?

So, the nurse is going over my records, checking vitals, etc., and she sees the ginormous list of prescriptions I have for the IVF. I tell her that I am about to start IVF. She asks me if I need a refill on the bcps in addition to the le.voxyl. Oh dear.

Then, she proceeds to tell me, with a really big smile...."You know what? As soon as you stop trying, it will happen. It happens all the time. People just try too hard."

Good god, can I go home now? Seriously? You are a freaking nurse! You should know better than that!

I smile and nod, and manage to say briefly that I thought that at the point I'm at with IVF, I personally am not really trying at all. It's all about the doctors and the science. And I really believe that. I don't have to have sex to make my baby. I hardly think I'm trying too hard.

I mean really. We've all come up against this. Is it supposed to make us feel better that when people finally come to terms with the fact that they they will be childless, or at least biologically childless, they are so often rewarded by the gift of an actual baby?

Come on people!

In any case, Dr. G was not happy with my TSH of .5 as tested in July, down from 1.4 in April. She wants me between 1 and 3. Dr. A however, seemed fine with the .5. Although a call to her nurse says that's the absolute lowest. It turns out, Thursday's test was at 2.5. I haven't been that high since last summer, before my dose landed at 75. I guess I'm still in the right range, which is good. But I have to wonder a bit about the ups and downs. I haven't had a chance to ask the nurse, but I know some of you out there deal with thyroid issues. Has anyone fluctuated this much? From what I read, levels can also vary throughout the day, and be influenced by fiber in the diet, etc. The 1.4 was a morning, and the 2.5 wasn't drawn until 4:50!

That's right people. I didn't leave the doctor's office until after 5, and never made it back to work to say good-bye to my friend. I was extremely annoyed!

Ok, but enough about that. It's the weekend, and it's the perfect time for creativity. I plan on putting the finishing coats of polyacryllic on my coffee table this weekend. By next weekend, we should get it in the house!

Now I can't remember, have I told you about it? It belonged to my grandparents. It used to be a dining table that Grampa cut down. It was kept in the bet condition, which is one reason I'm painting it. But I also love the way an antique shape looks when it's done in s bright, solid color. I think it modernizes it. The table has been sitting in my mom's basement for about 8 years, just waiting for me to finally use it.

Here's a few in progress shots so you can see how it's progressing.

The table top after a lot of sanding. I'm attempting to fill in the crack between to the two halves. When it was a dining table, it had a leaf, so it was supposed to come a part. But, we don't want a crack that will collect gunk. 

The table base is up on the saw horse. The bottom of the table top is primed and ready for paint. 

One coat of paint on the base. 

Two coats of paint on the top.  

Claw foot detail.  

Pedestal detail. 

All in all, I'm really happy with the way it's coming out. There are a few areas which maybe I could have sanded better, but I was nervous about affecting the shape, and I think some of the roughness adds character. I am loving the color, and can't wait to see how it looks on my purple rug!

OK, time to go buy the poly!

I'm never gonna stop the rain by complaining.

Hubby and I are back from our late Labor Day P-town getaway. For those of you who are not from New England, that's short for Provincetown, MA, at the very end of Cape Cod. And our hotel, the Provincetown Inn, is literally at the end of the very last road on the Cape. Pretty cool!

As you can see behind me, there is a lovely little beach, and a pool, complete with a bar serving frozen drinks. Unfortunately, our little getaway was not the fun-in-the-sun filled escape we had hoped for. And it was a little difficult not to be completely bummed out that we have a history of bad weather vacations, starting with a miserably rainy trip to Maine that was our first weekend away together over five years ago, and including a trip St. Petersburg, FL during historically low temperatures a year and a half ago in March. (I do have to remind Hubby that this spring, in London, we did in fact experience unseasonably warm and sunny days...too bad we weren't prepared for the beach then!)

In any case, I wasn't going to let a little rain get in the way of the escape I so desperately needed. Monday was a beautiful day. We got to the hotel a little after 3:00 in the afternoon, and I was able to get in a bit of a swim (it was already starting to get a bit cold), a few margaritas, and a few chapters of my book accompanied by the smell of the ocean air. So, I did get to do all of the things I wanted to do, just not quite to the extent I had hoped. And I got three days with Hubby all to myself. I just wish he could have been in a slightly better mood. Unfortunately, he's so busy at work that he had to go in on the weekend in order to take our trip this week. And he's much more of a glass half-empty kind of guy. He was having a much harder time finding the adventure in the rain than I. 

But, like I said, I did get to do some of the beachy things I wanted to do. In addition, we went to a drag show (again, for non-New Englanders, P-town is a very prominent gay and lesbian destination... definitely saw more than a few kids with two dads or two moms!), had some great meals, including a lobstah roll (said with the Boston accent), did a lot of shopping, bought a sunbrella pillow for our hammock, and come great ceramic wall vases for our dining room (which I will share more when I get a photo), finished my book (even if I read most of it lying in the bed with the ocean out the window instead of with my toes in the sand...I haven't read for endless hours in forever), went for a walk on the beach with my feet in the ocean in the pouring rain (makes the water feel warmer), played cards with Hubby, looked for dressers for our room, and gathered up lots of beautiful images, inspiration and creative ideas to work on. 

I'm trying to internalize the words to a song that just happened to come on Hubby's iPod as we were heading out of town... because I really did get what I needed, even if not in the way I had envisioned...

"Raindrops keep falling on my head, but that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turning red. Crying's not for me. 'Cause, I'm never gonna stop the rain by complaining...."

It's much better to dance in the rain than have red eyes, wouldn't you say?

And now, I though, as part of the Creativity Challenge, I'd share some of the interesting things that caught my eye. 

I like the colors and the patterns of the cut outs on these vases.  

Whimsical fish made from license plates.
When you see the table I painted, you will see why this wall caught my eye. 

This was a great railing around an outdoor dining area. 

We shall never know all the good a simple smile can do.
I wish I could express to Hubby how much good his smiles do for me. I don't see enough of them lately.  

This quote caught my eye, knowing of the friendship issues that many of of suffer.
Especially thinking of you, Miss C!

Another group of great phrases, and great colors.

This is the way I looked when I got back from my walk on the beach. In the first photo, you can see that Hubby rigged up our beach umbrella to try to make a place on our deck where we could sit even in the rain. Unfortunately, the rain chose that time to really pick up, and it was just too much to deal with. But, he did a great job, as always. 

Here we are, trying to make the best of a break in the rain. 

Now that's more like it. Hubby, I want to see more of this! xoxo

Dressers

One of the missions I have is to add more dresser storage to our bedroom. I have a dresser now that I've had since I was a kid, and I'm kind if over it. It's well made, if a little scratched, so I fully intend to paint it and use it in the guest room, or some other room (wink wink) someday.

So, we looked around yesterday at some antiques and used furniture that I might be able to paint for our room that might match the look and feel I'm going for a little better. These two pieces were promising, but happened to smell incredibly of moth balls! Yuck!

I'm beginning to think that in order to get the storage I want, I may need two matching chests of drawers side by side. I think I'm going to investigate unfinished furniture that I can paint and add trim to to make it interesting.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The Creativity IVF Distraction Challenge

After I posted my good dose of design the other day, Chon at My Path to Insanity and Beyond came up with a great idea. She's calling it...

The Creativity IVF Distraction Challenge

We're both cycling over the next two months, and thought it would be a great distraction to focus on posting about DIY projects, or at least collecting inspiring images for things we might want to try in the future. Stop on over to her blog for more details.

I'm in a bit of a rush this morning, as we are trying to get out the door for our late Labor Day weekend getaway to the cape...sure to be filled with inspiration. And a perfect challenge for my trip since Hubby and I decided to make this an IF free getaway.

Let us know if you want to join in the fun. I'm thinking of creating a side bar for those who want to participate. (when I get back!)

And of course, I plan to share some pictures of the coffee table I've been painting when I get back as well.

OK, now go be inspired!

A Good Dose of Design

I've been pretty slow at work this week...an admittedly, haven't sought out new work from others. I've been enjoying my downtime. I'm taking a long Labor Day weekend, so I figure, why get into the thick of something, when I'm only going to be interrupting it anyway, right?

This slow time at work has given me a great opportunity to immerse myself in one of my favorite topics...design. Have I mentioned that I have two design degrees? Graphic Design and Interior Design.

Anyway, this week's dose of design has me feeling energized and inspired. Something I haven't felt in quite some time. I thought I would share some of the great things I've been checking out this week.

Young House Love

I write another blog about the house Hubby and I bought a year ago...mostly so our moms and a few friends and family can keep up to date on what we're up to around here. One of my friends recently told me about this blog. All I can say is "love!" And, how do I get that gig? This couple managed to become full-time bloggers, DIY bloggers, where they get paid to write a blog about fixing up their house. Wow! That could be my dream job. I highly recommend checking them out. It's a great resource for any DIYers out there. But, I do need to warn you, they do have a daughter who is maybe around a year and a half old, and does play a large part in the blog. So, if you are having a bad day, I would skip that one.

Ike.a Share Space
If your young (36 is young, right?) and working on your first house, chances are, you've been to IKE.A. I just discovered this website, sponsored by IKE.A, where anyone can upload photos of their own homes that feature IKE.A products. You can also tag the images with the actual products from the store. It's really fun to browse through and get ideas about how others use IKE.A in their homes. We have so much of it by now, and have used it in three homes, that I will definitely be uploading some photos to share. If you need ideas for your house, definitely, check it out.

Design Milk
This is a blog I've been subscribing to for awhile, well before I started this blog. I actually have it emailed to me at work. It's nice to scroll through the daily email with inspiring design images which range the gamut from industrial design to architecture, while I sip my coffee and and wait for my applications to boot up. Lately, my favorite thing to do with the images I love from this blog is to "pin" them on...


Pinterest
Have you guys heard about this site? It's basically a repository of all things inspiring. People pin recipes, fashion, hair cuts, and the full range of design creations. You can repin anything anyone else has pinned, and follow your friends, or anyone else for that matter, so see they ideas they are collecting. I love it for that reason. My best friend spends way more time online than I do, so now I can steel ideas from her without having to do all the research myself. If you'd like to follow me, I might be willing to give up some of my anonymity and tell you how to find me there. Email me.

Zazzle
Lastly, Zazzle is a fun little website where you can get any image printed on just about anything you can imagine. I discovered it years ago when I wanted to do custom postage for my wedding. But seriously, you can print on anything from t-shirts and sneakers to iPad covers and speakers. You can also have your own storefront and sell your own images for people to buy on various objects. Remember that graphic design project I mentioned a few posts back? Well, I've had a zazzle store for quite sometime. But, it uses part of my real name, and I decided it was time for a new name, and a new look - so I can be a little more anonymous there. Of course, it's taking me quite awhile to transfer and create new products, but in a few more weeks, I think I'll be ready to share it with all of you (for fun, to show you what I do, but not because you need to buy anything!)

What about you? Where do you all like to go for inspiration? 

All right, that's probably a big enough dose of design for now. It's about time for me to head back out to the garage to paint over the coffee table I just primed. I'll share more on that later.

Hope you're all having an inspired Labor Day Weekend (well, if you're in the states that is)