Nieveté

This morning, my podmate at work whispered, "Hey Jen, I've got a question for you..." We ask each other questions all day about our various areas of expertise, so that was nothing out of the ordinary. But he started schooching closer in his chair. "It's a personal question," he said in a low voice. So I schooched in too.

"My wife just texted me that she's spotting...what do I do? Is that bad?"

Woah boy, TMI, for a coworker for sure. I mean, here in blogger land, we know pretty much anything goes, but on a Friday morning at work...?

Let me start from the beginning. Sometime this spring, he was talking about how he was looking to buy a house, and that it was time to start trying for a family. I think he's close to my age. I've never met his wife, but I feel like she's more like 30, than mid-30s. A little voice in my head said..."you just know he's going to have a baby before you do, don't you?"

A few weeks ago, he had a crazy week. He missed work because he dog needed surgery, and then a few days later, was out again, at the emergency room with his wife, who was fainting.

Pregdar.

She's pregnant.

The next morning, he's back at work and I asked how he was, his dog was, and how his wife was. He gave me this goofy grin and says..."It gets better...she's 4.5 weeks!"

Um, so you mean, she's like 3 days late? Are you kidding me right now dude? You shouldn't be telling me this! Has she even had a second beta yet? What the hell! Stop!

But I smile, and say congratulations. And the bitter in fertile in me actually said out loud "I guess you probably won't be spending $5,000 on surgeries for your dog anymore!" Yeah, not really nice. Couldn't help it.

A few minutes later, I heard him telling some other guys at work that he was going to be a dad. And the little voice in my head said "I told you so."

It turns out, because of the fainting, she's had a lot of ultrasounds. If I remember when this all started, she should be about 8 weeks by now. They had one last week. When he told me about the spotting, I told him that they shouldn't panic, that from what I hear (and he has no idea how much I actually know!) it happens, but she should call her doctor right away. He told me that they had another ultrasound scheduled today. I asked about last week...and commented that it seemed like a lot. He said that last week, they had only found a tube, but no embryo. I'm going to assume he meant sac. Her betas (he didn't use that word, he said numbers) are doubling though, so the doctors were rethinking their estimate of how far along she actually is.

He left work late this morning for the appointment, and worked from home for the rest of  the day, so I don't know how things turned out. I really hope that it works out for them. But the whole situation just makes me reflect on the differences better infertile and fertile behavior. At 4.5 weeks pregnant, most infertiles are freaking out about a doubling beta, and aren't actually declaring themselves pregnant until it does. I couldn't help but think that this guys has no idea what that means. It is a weird concept to grasp. That's for sure. I mean, if this cycle works for me, then currently, I am one day pregnant. Bizarre.

It's interesting too, to observe the differences in pregnant infertile behavior. I am glad to see that at some of you manage to embrace and enjoy, and are willing to share with us the joys of their pregnancies. I know it's a touchy subject for a lot of us, fac*book, and all that mumbo jumbo. I haven't really talked about my thoughts on that subject, but I do hope that someday I will announce my pregnancy on FB, because I want people to share in my joy, and because I will have worked hard, and they will have waited patiently for the news. And because most of my FB friends who want kids already have them. I'm really good at being last. Yes, it hurts to read all the pregnancy announcements of others there, but that doesn't mean I am not happy for them. And it doesn't mean they wrote that announcement to spite me. The fact is, I'm in my mid thirties. That's when people get pregnant these days, if they haven't already. They don't get pregnant just to piss me off. It's just life.

Anyway, just some random thoughts.

I am three shots in to my stims, and I have a splitting headache. I'm looking forward to painting my bedroom this weekend though! We finally settled on a color. I'll reveal it after the room is done. I definitely need to get some more pictures up for my Creativity Challenge, and stop just talking about it. I promise...