IV Real

Said while nodding head with left elbow out to the side and left hand with with four fingers pointing at shoulder in honor of my favorite season of So You Think You Can Dance.

We trigger tonight. For Real.

I had 18 follies this morning. The biggest was close to 22. E2 was 2910 - more than double yesterday, which I have to admit, does make a little nervous about overstimulation. But at the same time, I'm excited that I got 4 more follies out of waiting one more day!

So, back to work tomorrow in a loose dress—because man am I uncomfortable—and then report to the hospital at 10 am Wednesday morning. The one bummer is that hubby has an important work meeting in the city at 1pm, so we have to get his mom, who I have not talked to about any of this, to get me home after. It's great that she's available to do it. But I still feel a bit weird. Hopefully the excuse on anesthesia is enough reason not to talk much. I'm a bit freaked out that hubby will have to leave before he can get me home. But, what are you going to do. Our transfer will almost definitely be on Saturday because we are doing assisted hatching. So, we won't have to worry about missing more work for that, and the bed rest after.

Despite a bit of an emotional meltdown this afternoon, things seem to be coming together quite nicely. The raging hormones took over, and I was hit by a tidal wave of emotion. Happy, excited, scared, nervous, sad, pretty much just plain old overwhelmed.

This is happening.

For Real.

Just Kidding

Just got another call back from the nurse. Apparently, the doctors took one more look and want to wait one more day. One more dose of meds, and back tomorrow morning to check.

How many posts can a mad infertile woman write in a day??

Trigger Tonight!

Retrieval on our anniversary! 

Hooray!

Typical Sunday Morning in the Life of a Mad IVFer

7:30 am: Alarm goes off too early for a weekend for a childless couple. Hit Snooze.

7:40 am: Alarm goes off again. Hit snooze one more time.

7:50 am: Alarm again. Groggily roll over to grab iPhone. Read through blogs.

8:00 am: Wake hubby so he can give me injections before leaving for 8:45 monitoring appointment. Cuddle cats. Get dressed.

8:12 am: Sit at coffee table with big box of drugs. Load up Lupron while hubby mixes three vials of Menapur. Close eyes for two sticks in the belly.

8:18 am: Poor two bowls of cereal.

8:29 am: Ask hubby what time it is. Holy crap, my appointment is in 16 minutes. Run upstairs and brush teeth.

8:33 am: Kiss hubby. Grab keys. Run out door.

8:45 am: Sign in at clinic. Perfectly on time.

8:47 am: Pee. Ultrasound. 14 follicles!! The largest is 20!

9:03 am: Pee. Bloodwork.

9:06 am: Back in the car to head across town to CVS to pick up Levoxly refill. Have to make sure the TSH stays where it needs to be. Call hubby. Leave message with the follie news.

9:29 am: Pull into CVS parking lot. Call hubby again and leave message reminding him to get busy with himself in order to refresh the supply for what is looking like a Tuesday retrieval. Tell him that I am an insane control freak project manager infertile woman.

9:40 am: Back in the car to head across town yet again to my 10:00 acupuncture appointment.

9:50 am: Check in for acupuncture. Pee.

10:00 am: Acupuncture. Go over schedule for the next week. Recommend next visits pre and post transfer.

10:50 am: Back in the car to head home.

11:00 am: Home. Check out the yard work hubby has already accomplished this morning.

11:15 am: Pee. Check online medical results for E2 level of 1401!!!

11:16 am: Yell to hubby positive results of E2.

11:17 am: Write blog.

11:30 am: Publish blog. Begin waiting for official instructions phone call from the nurse. Begin the rest of my day.

Making progress

Cycle day 8
Day 7 of stims

7 folllies, the largest is 18
E2 400 (more than doubled, which is good from what I can tell)


Gonal f still at 225
Menopur up to 225 from 75
Lupron 5

Back in Sunday for another check. Nurse estimates retrieval on Tuesday or Wednesday!

Tuesday is our third anniversary. Hubby's grandma's birthday is Wednesday.

The stars are aligning!

Now, I'm going to laugh my ass off at the Hangover!


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Step Away

...from Dr. Google, and go outside for a walk before your husband gets home to watch the American Idol finale. You have nothing to worry about!

(remember, you're about to get major bragging rights - you hope - for correctly predicting that Scotty would win at the top 13, focus on that silly girl!)

But I'm really paranoid about E2 because that's what fucked up the IUI conversion to IVF back in February! 

Tough luck. A walk is much better for your state of mind than Dr. Google, so go!

But...

Go!

Cycle Day 6

Day five of stims.

Gonal F 150
Menopur 75
Lupron 5 after 11 days at 10

E2: 189

How does that compare to others out there? (damn dr google made me think it might be a bit low?)

Gonal F is getting upped to 225. Back Friday morning for b/w and u/s.


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Feeling Quiet

I haven't felt like there's much to say. Not here. Not in real life. I'm really just feeling quiet. Biding my time. Counting the minutes until retrieval, which at this point is still just a guessing game.

We've made it through 4 days of stims so far. I'm holding up well, although that damn menopur sure does sting. I'm getting less of a headache now that Lupron has been cut in half. I go in tomorrow for bloodwork, which I'm hoping will shed some more light on the schedule for next week.

I had a great visit with my roomie this weekend. We went into Boston and just walked and talked, and walked and talked. For those of you who know Boston, we started in Back Bay, walked the full length of Newbury Street, through the Garden, the Common, Government Center, Faneiul Hall, past the Marriot on the water, all the way to the North End, and back to Hay Market, where we tool the T back to Back Bay to have dinner. I'm amazed that I didn't get tired. We hadn't seen each other in almost two years. so we had lots to talk about. I was able to tell her a lot about the IVF. It gets easier the more I do. Today, at lunch, I told one of my friends at work about the details. She's 32 and not ready for kids. I keep telling her not to wait much longer!

Other than that, Hubby continues to be amazing dealing with injections and horomores. We bought our anniversary present to each other last night...a new washer and dryer. Romantic, I know. But we really need stackables because our laundry room is too small. I'll have to post a picture so you can all have a good laugh. I've been saying for months that as soon as I'm pregnant, I won't be able to shimmy abround the dryer to get to the washer anymore. Anyway, we got a really good deal (complete with rushing to Low.es at 9:15 last night to catch the last day of a sale) so we're pretty excited.

But yeah, not too much going on. Work is a bit slower this week, just after a deadline. There's just not enough to distract me from watching the minutes tick by. At least, in addition to feeling quiet. I am mostly feeling peaceful I guess I'll take it.

Sorry for a boring post. I need to procrastinate for a bit at work, but there ended up not being too much to say!

In the nick of time

That finicky aunt came through, at the very last minute. I was able to go in for my baseline blood and ultrasound this morning, and just got the go to start stims tonight! So, we'll be starting Gonal F tonight, cutting Lurpon in half in the morning, and adding in the Menopur in the morning as well (my least favorite, that one stings!) Back on Wednesday for more blood only...does it seem weird to just do b/w after 5 sdays of stims?

I'm feeling excited, and mostly calm, but with a shorter fuse, if that makes any sense. I have a killer headache, and a lower back ache coutesey of auntie.

Hubby has been awesome through all of this. The poor guy. It seems he's got blaming it on the hormoes down to a science, and has been looking at me like I'm crazy at times, yet he's still managing to cater to my every mood. He's a bit frustrated though with the unpredictability of the schedule. He's a social guy, and likes to make lots of plans with friends on the weekends. I've put a big black hole on the calendar for the last week of May and first week of June. I got him to accept that. But now, we're trying to schedule a plumber to do a big project in our house, converting from an oil to a gas boiler, and removing the old gas tank. We applied for a state sponsored loan to do the job, which we are closing on tomorrow. The plumber is available to do the work the first week in June. And Hubby is rearing to go.

Well, it just so happens that my best guess of Retrival and Transfer are sometime between 5/29 and 6/5. We'll be out of hot water for a day or two, and were planning potentially to stay with friends then. There is no way I'm schelping all my drugs, bloated belly and bed rest pjs to a friends house. No way. And I just can't predict the way this is going to play out yet. There are too many events with ranges. I'm guessing I'll stim for 6-12 days based on the info they gave me. And then transfer is 3 - 5 days after retrieval. And when you add that all up. it's a pretty big window of uncertainty. Sorry plumber, you can't do the job until at least late in the second week of June. That's all there is to it.

Isn't it silly, the random little bits of life that get so much harder because of IF?

In any case, it's Friday, Hubby and I are headed out to the new Pirates movie tonight, and my college roomie is coming up tomorrow for some girl time. I can't wait!

Hope you all have a fantastic weekend!

Public Service Announcement

First, let me say...we have spotting! I called the nurse today to tell her I'd have to cancel. She told me to wait until the morning to be sure, and just not to come in in AF wasn't here by then. My acupuncturist did the best she could tonight to get things moving, and I think we might just get there tonight. Yay for staying on schedule! (I hope!!) I also think that acupuncture is making a huge difference all around because I barely have any PMS symptoms this month. I will take that as a good sign.

*   *   *

Now, to the PSA. Tippy posted this important news on her site yesterday.

If you haven't already heard, a bill was introduced into the Senate that requires YOUR attention. The bill, if passed, would help those of us paying for infertility treatments with a pretty nice tax credit.

Here is some information about the bill from RESOLVE.

And here is a link to a form that you can fill out quickly to send an email to your US Senators saying you support the bill. PLEASE send this information to your friends and family.

I have been extraordinarily lucky that I live in a state with mandated coverage, and have great insurance. When I hear about the costs that many of you face, I want to vomit. It makes me feel lucky and heart broken at the same time. I often wish there was something I could do to help others who have not been so lucky. I joined RESOLVE, thinking every bit helps. And here is another great opportunity to advance our cause. 


I urge everyone of my followers to click on the link and fill out the form. It only takes a minute, and it's something easy we all can do to help each other. 

Come on Auntie, I'm getting impatient

It's freaking Day 30. If you don't get here within 24 hours, then I have to reschedule my baseline appointment and put of starting stims. I can count on one hand the number of times it's taken you this long to arrive in the last two years. Will you get it together please? I am ready to get this show on the road already!!

Can You Hear the Hormones...

...Cause He-re Th-ey Co-me!

It's CD 27. Day 6 of Lupron. AF is due any day now. I'm due to go in for baseline b/w & u/s on Friday as long as she shows by Thursday.

And I'm starting to loose control. Just a little bit.

The first almost week of Lupron has gone pretty well. I'm getting afternoon headaches, my stomach has been upset, and my sleep hasn't been great. But my mood has stayed pretty high through it all. It was a really busy week with deadlines, and alternate transportation schedules, but I survived. (even though I blogging/commenting did not make it to the top of the priority list. I did most of my reading on my phone on the bus, which does not create good commenting environment!)

I had acupuncture on Thursday night, which I'm sure is helping. Since I am going to a decent sized mind/body clinic for it, I have been seeing different people each time. I don't mind too much, because I am able to schedule appointments at very convenient times. L, who I've seen the most so far, had me stick out my tounge - as usual - to which she responded "how is your sleep?" It's amazing the things they determine from my tongue. She put some tiny pins on tape into my ears at the end of the session which she said could stay there 4-7 days, or until they bothered me, which were supposed to help with insomnia. The first night was not good, but this weekend, I slept great. I did take them out this morning though, because they were starting to get annoying. It's a little weird to be going around with pins taped into your ears!

Hubby and I went to upstate NY to visit my mom this weekend, spending most of it helping her with projects around the house, including getting her garage set up for a big neighborhood sale happening in a few weeks. (because she's mostly selling our stuff for us!) Some of it involved going through my old stuff in her basement. Which turned out to be a little bit to much to take in. I realized that I have an excessive amount of photo albums...at least 5 boxes full...in her garage and basement. And I found that to be overwhelming. Someday, I will have to deal with them. I started to feel snippy and emotional for no good reason at all.

I am definitely blaming it on the hormones.

So far though, despite the fact that I fear control is slipping away, and I'm feeling like I have a shorter fuse with my emotions, in general, I am still mostly feeling calm. I was able to not completely freak out about all of my belongings, and to tell Hubby and my mom that I'd had enough of the sorting and purging. I'm hoping that calm wins the battle. But those hormones, man...they play a good game.

Practice makes Perfect

Our morning schedules are off due to my car being in the shop, and Hubby having to be in the city at 8:00am. (45-60 min away from home, as opposed to the 20 min away where we both work and don't get in until 9 on an average day). In any case, this let me to do my first Lupron shot on my own. I've only ever done a few Gonal-f pens so far, back in February. Hubby is the best and does most of the injections for me.

So, I got myself already to go, loaded up the syringe, jabbed it in (just as small as Gonal-f, but didn't go in as easy...). And then I forgot to wait a few seconds before pulling it out. When I did, a big drop of blood, and probably all of the Lupron, dripped out and down my leg. Wonderful.

But, I am not going to worry if it got in there or not. It's the first day of ten. I'll get it right tomorrow.

Another question for you experts out there. Everyone talks about their bruised bellies, which leads me to believe that's where most of the injections are going. But the videos I watched for subcutaneous injections say to rotate daily between the thigh, the stomach, and the arm (which I don't like). What is your experience with different injections sites? Is there a reason I don't know about that everyone seems to favor the belly?

We are a Go

...a go for Lupron, starting tomorrow morning!

Back on the 20th for baseline u/s and bloodwork, hopefully stims will start as scheduled, and retrieval will the very beginning of June (our anniversary is 5/31!)

So tell me, all you IVF veterans, what do I have to look forward to with Lupron? Any wise words of advice?

I can't believe we are actually starting tomorrow!

I'm Stylish!

It's taken me awhile to get around to accepting this award. I'm thrilled to have received it from Carlia at The Stork Drop Zone who's style I admire very much! She's actually inspiring me to get moving on decorating my house after she posted some great shots of her adorable dining room recently. So Carlia, thanks very much!

I'm not going to pass the award on right now, because I think that it's pretty well made the rounds, but I will take this opportunity to tell you a little more about myself by answering the ABCs of my journey...

A. Age when you started TTC (Trying To Conceive): 34

B. Baby Dancing or Sex: Sex, nookie, practice, get it on.
C. Children wanted: 2 would be nice, 1 would be incredible.
D. Dogs/Cats/Fill in Children: Two cats that came with Hubby, who like me sometimes, and other times run away from me when I treat them like dogs.
E. Essential Oils/Vitamins/Snake Oils: Multi-vitamin
F. Fertility Meds I’ve taken: Clomid, Gonal F, trigger shots, one day of Menopur...and a whole big long list starting in a few weeks.
G. Gain: Definitely gain. Holding steady so far...maybe up a pound or two from my low this fall. But it varies daily so it's hard to know for sure.
H. HSG (Hystosalpingogram): Clear.
I. Infertile Pet Peeves: People who complain about parenthood or pregnancy.
J. Job title: Interior Designer
K. Kid’s names you’re afraid will be taken by the time you can use them: see this post
L. Length of time TTC: 25 months not protecting, 19 months paying attention, 13 months since my first dose of Clomid
M. Miscarriages: Chemical Pregnancy in Feb 2010
N. Number of times you’ve switched OB/GYNS, REs, FSs: My primary sent me to an OB/GYN, one RE from there. Considering a second opinion depending on the result of our upcoming IVF.
O. Ovarian quality: Totally fine.
P. POAS (pee on a stick) or wait for AF: I wait more often than not.
Q. Quote from an obnoxious fertile: "I can't feel bad that you have insomnia, my 5 month old doesn't sleep..."
T. Time you tried naturally: approximately 1 year depending on when you start counting
U. Uterus quality: ready for the cover of Uterus Magazine.
V. Vitamins? Just a regular women's multi-vitamin. My digestive system was rebelling against pre-natals with too much extra iron.
W. What baby stuff do you already have?: Just a bunch of fabric scraps from blankets I've made for other babies, hoping to make one for my own child someday.
X. X-tra X-tra Hear all about it! How many people know the ins and outs of our crazy TTC journey?: I'm not sure anyone but our therapists know all the ins and outs, but our moms and siblings know that IVF is coming, and my bridesmaids.
Y. Yearly Exam. Do you still go in even though someone sees your lady parts most months?: Haven't been for anything except a pap smear because I had an abnormal last year and they needed me to follow up.
Z. Zits: Lately I've been breaking out on my chest. Not fun. 

When life hands you lemons...

Drink Tequilla.

Oh, wait a minute...Hubby and I both gave up alcohol for this IVF cycle. Hmmm...eat chocolate? No, that won't work, all that sugar and caffeine.

I guess the answer is lemonade then. Although, that takes sugar too.

Ok, pucker then. I guess the answer is pucker.

We're having one of those weekends where nothing seems to go according to plan. But before I tell you about that, I want to thank you all for all the great comments, words of advice and encouragement with my house keeping woes. It is nice to know I'm not the only one who struggles.

I came up with a plan, which helped to get caught up on the kitchen and clutter on the main floor in general. We are TV people. We have three Tivos in our house, one with a dual tuner. It's a bit of a problem. I think Hubby hasn't watched a commercial in years. Before I met him, commercials were when I cleaned. It's very simple. Two minutes to race against the clock to see how quickly I can unload the dishwasher. Can I get it fully loaded on the next commercial? I decided this week, we were watching Idol live, with all the commercials in their full glory. (muting, as Hubby tried, doesn't work...I need to hear how much longer I have!) It worked like a charm. I got the house picked up, and got to rest on the couch in between cleaning sprints. I think this will be the new rule with Idol in our house. (and with So You Think You Can Dance this summer....my absolute favorite!)

Now, on with the lemons.

Friday afternoon, friend of ours in New Hampshire who we've been trying to find time to see (I refuse to commit to late May/early June not knowing what IVF will bring) had extra tickets to a Guster concert at the last minute. When I first got the email from Hubby, I thought, really? I have to drive an hour (without traffic) in rush hour to go to a show when I don't really know any of the music. It's Friday, and I'm tired, and I have acupuncture at 9:30 the next morning. But, it's a good opportunity to get together with these friends we haven't seen. And I'm trying to let loose and be spontaneous, and not be upset with things surprise me, or don't go according to plan. So I agreed to go.

I got home from work a little early. Hubby had already picked up dinner so we could eat in the car. We jumped in my car, and headed north in the rush hour traffic. We'd gotten a few exits, when the engine temperature light came on with a big ding. Hmmm...is that bad, we thought? Maybe before we get too much further, we should turn around and grab the truck at home. Hubby worked on that, while I turned the heat on, and grabbed the car manual out of the glove compartment.

I read that it was indeed about the engine temp. If the car was dangerously hot, the light would come on, and it would ding continuously ten times. OK, so far, so good. We didn't have ten dings. Shortly after we managed to get on the other side of the highway, there it was...the incessant dinging. We had no choice but to pull over. There was a cop in front of us who walked up to see if we needed help. As she approached the window Hubby said "Do you know why I pulled you over officer?" Thankfully, she burst out laughing. We thought we were fine, we just needed to let the car cool for a few minutes. We were so close to getting back home, it was already 6:30, the concert started at 8 (well, the opener anyway), and we didn't want to be stuck on the side of the road forever waiting for help. If we could just make it home.

After a few minutes, we started off again, only to have to pull over once again to stop the dinging. We called 911 and asked for the help van...which thankfully showed up within about 5 min. He filled the coolant, and followed us until we got off the highway. We had to pull over two more times, before we finally made it to our street! I'm proud of both of us for staying very calm. It was actually quite the accomplishment. Hubby decided to back the car into the driveway, in preparation for a tow truck having to pick it up. Just as the back wheels hit the slight slope up at the edge of the driveway, the car shut itself off.

Awesome.

Now, we were paranoid that the engine was really damaged or something. And we had a car sticking out into the road. Hubby tried his best to push the car with me steering, but the slope was to much of a challenge. So, he went for the big guns, jumped in the truck, and pushed me like a snow plow into the driveway. It was really kind of amusing. I wonder what our neighbors thought!

So, we regrouped, checked in with our friends to let them know we were running late, and jumped in the truck. An hour later, we were almost there. We got off the highway, and hubby burst out laughing. We were going about 35-40 on an regular road, and his speedometer read 120mph! WTF? Was everything going to fall apart? I though next Friday, the 13th, was supposed to be the unlucky one. Seriously? The good news is that the truck is still working fine, it's just confused.

The concert was fun, even though I was kind of tired, and only recognized two songs. We had the chance to stay for a meet and greet after the show to meet the band, but when my legs started buckling from exhaustion, Hubby decided we could call it a night.

We had planned to get a lot of stuff done around the house this weekend, and now it looked like we were going to be stuck dealing with a sick car all day. Not to mention figuring out our work commutes next week with only one car. But whatever, we'd figure it out. When we got home, hubby started up the car, and we convinced ourselves that the engine was not dead, so we could rest easier.

In the morning, he grabbed his laptop in bed to research what might be wrong with the car. And then, a window popped up saying his hard drive was crashing! Come on universe! This isn't funny anymore. I had to leave for acupuncture, taking the truck, and therefore unable to do the other errands I need to afterwords. I'm really bad a parking the truck, so I can only take it to certain places!

When I got back, Hubby had determined that it wasn't actually his hard drive, but a virus, but the fate of all his data is yet to be determined. (which reminds me to ask the question if anyone out there uses an online back up service they would recommend??)

Thankfully, the rest of the day has passed uneventfully. I did not get done as much as I had wanted to, because I ended up needing an hour and a half nap to make up for getting home after midnight last night (I feel so old sometimes!). The car is still dead in the driveway, but Hubby got lots of electrical work done, and I did get to some purging that's been on my list. We'll see what tomorrow brings.

Oh yeah, Mother's Day. That's what tomorrow brings.

Thankfully, Hubby agreed to skip the big get together with his family. I just couldn't do it this year. We'll have his mom over for dinner sometime in the next week or so instead. And we're visiting my mom next weekend. So we have tomorrow to ourselves! I'm still not sure how we're going to spend it. But I hope all of you have a fantastic day...all of you  who have made it to the other side, and especially all of you who are still trying, like me. We are all expectant mothers, and should do something nice for ourselves tomorrow. We deserve it dammit!

One more quick thought to end what has turned out to be somewhat of a rambling post...I go in for blood work on Monday morning and will hopefully be starting lupron. I can't believe we're finally here! I have to remind myself at how well we both handled the chaos of the last twenty-four hours, because life is only going to get more hectic from here on out.

And I actually do love lemonade.

I can't get no...satisfaction

Despite the fact that Hubby and I spent the weekend in our yard for the first time this year (and for me ever), cleaning up, filling up 17 yard waste bags, and making 12 bundles of sticks, I am still feeling pissed off and annoyed that the inside of my house is a cluttered mess, that my suitcase from my vacation is still lying on the bedroom floor with stuff in it, that there are 3 loads of laundry sitting clean in baskets, getting more and more wrinkled while they wait to be put away.

I know this is a theme with me of late, but I am really struggling with living in the moment, and feeling accomplished and proud of things like 17 bags of yard waste, instead of feeling guilty about all the other things I didn't do. It's been a problem I've had for most of my life, and is probably exacerbated right now with the anticipation of IVF. I sometimes attribute it to bouncing back and forth between parents as a teen...never in the right place, always somewhere else I could be.

Any insights would be most appreciated. How do you all keep up with life?

Hubby says just focus on the big projects, like the yard or organizing the office, and don't stress about the laundry and dishes, because there will always be laundry and dishes. His mom, my mom, and many people have to run around their house picking up like crazy maniacs because they are having company. But that doesn't change the fact that I am not happy living amongst a mess day to day anymore. And I am also not happy feeling like I can't manage to fit in creatively fulfilling projects.

I am apparently hard to satisfy.

So tell me, am I the only one out there living amongst clutter, piles of laundry, dirty dishes, and unpacked suitcases?

Mid-Cycle Woes

Does anyone else become an emotional, irritible, bitchy basket case around ovulation? And I should mention that there are no drugs involved right now as we are in the waiting period before Lupron. It's all me...and I am a mess!