Feeling Weird

This cycle feels weird. Maybe that's a good thing. I tend to put my hopes on anything that seems different than the last time. We're au naturale this month, thanks to our new insurance provider as of the first of the year. I've mentioned that we weren't able to get approval in time to start another Gonal F/IUI cycle. As seems to happen more often than not, just when I think I've got the calendar all figured out, I have a 22 day cycle which throws everything off. The good news is, we're all set to go for the next cycle. And it would figure that I have a business trip planed which could interfere with getting my Day 3 baseline ultrasound. Not to mention I'm not entirely thrilled about the idea of potentially traveling on a plane with 3 beautiful, thin, young coworkers, with injectable fertility drugs in my bag.

In any case, Hubby switched from Pr*zac to another medication last month. He's feeling a lot better emotionally, which is great. Because I'm still a bit of a roller coaster, and we have a rule in our house that only one person can be having a meltdown at a time. We still weren't sure how things were going to go in the bedroom. So, he filled his prescription for the little blue pill, and we studied the calendar. I thought it was tricky to plan my life around when I thought I might ovulate. But add in the fact that those pills must be taken a half-hour ahead, last for a day and a half, can only be taken every three days, and you only get four a month...well, that's an entirely new level of planning. We selected a pattern of three nights, every three days which fit our social obligations, and split the difference of when I usually ovulate and when I had been triggered last month. Day 10, 13 & 16.

Day 10 was a no go. Day 13 was a struggle, but we were ultimately successful. My opk showed a surge on Day 14. This is really exciting, because in the past, without any drugs, and even with Clomid, unmonitored, the surge typically comes on Day 17. And, if ovulation is the day after the surge, then our plan for Day 16 was still ok, it would be the day after ovulation. Not too bad. Two days before, and the day after. I'll take it. Well, after last night, I guess I have to be happy with two days before. It was another no go, and Hubby is offcially banned from having a beer on baby making nights. But it's better than November, which was a complete bust.

Even though I got a surge on Day 14, I decided to keep testing until the result was no longer positive. It was positive for three days in a row. This feels somewhat puzzling. But, I still think our timing was ok based upon the constraints we're fighting. As for feeling weird, I have IBS, and I often have a dull pain in my lower left side. Especially at times when I need to up the fiber. I have that pain now, or I think I do. It's easy to confuse with the bloating of ripening ovaries. I also really felt my right ovary this month. I felt the more acute sensation I've come to associate with a mature follicle. That has passed, but I still feel a fullness, or heaviness in the area of the ovary, which I have not noticed before. I also have lower back pain which is floating around. Anyway, it's weird. And as infertiles are subject to do, I am over analyzing every little twinge.

Even though I am feeling weird, I'm trying to just go with the flow, stay calm and a bit detached. I don't have high investment in our success this month, so hopefully I will get through the two week wait without too much angst. And hopefully the calendar will cooperate and we'll get back to the drugs next cycle. The one thing I do have in the back of my head though, is that this is the month last year where we actually achieved conception. Maybe it's our lucky month. Who knows...