Intrusive Thoughts

So, those crazy thoughts...I did mention them, right? The ones where I see the stroller slipping out of my hands and rolling into traffic, or me stepping on his head accidentally, or letting go of him when I'm walking up and down the stairs? Turns out they have a name.

Intrusive Post Partum Thoughts.

And now I can stop worrying about acting on them. Not that I ever actually, logically thought I would act on them. But when they happen over and over and over for months, it's hard not to think that you're some kind of freakish monster of a mother. I was commended for admitting them so early. And I share this now, because I know some of you out there are having them too. You'll be ok.

And those thoughts will be diminishing soon as my prescription for Z*loft is currently being called into the pharmacy.

It is not an easy decision for me to return to the world of SSRIs. I struggled to get off of them after eight years, before beginning TTC. And I'm sure there are many who would disagree with my decision. But I need the thoughts to stop. I need to be able to sleep when L does. He's had two great 10 hour intervals between feedings this week, and I've been staring at the ceiling for hours. Not fun. So yeah. After being off meds for 4.5 years, I'm going back. Talking it out just isn't going to cut it right now. Let's hope my nutritional expertise garnered from my bout with GD will help to fend off the weight gain!

Now, how did I end up here? Well, like I said I would, I called my OB, and received the name of a therapist to visit. I just came from finally meeting with her. I will also be seeing a psychiatrist at the end of February. In the meantime, by OB is prescribing Z*loft and At*van.

The therapist, Dr. K, told me that there are three situations that set people up for PPD. And I only have one. So, there's some good news. In case you are curious, those situations are:

1. An extremely fussy baby
2. Extreme issues with nursing forcing the need to stop
3. Sleep issues

Hello insmomniac. (Typo intended. I'm coining the term "insmomnia," right now. Yes, I am.)

One of these days, I will write a post about sleep. It's not all that bad in our house. But we have had some issues with where L has been sleeping. Over the past few weeks, we have made tons of improvements. For him. Not me. But like I said, sleep is a post in itself.

Aside from meds, I'm going back to the therapist in a week or so (cancellation waiting list dependent). She's going to teach me techniques for dealing with anxiety, which, despite my years upon years of therapy, is not something I've ever been truly taught. I have been instructed to leave the house at least once a day, if only to go for a drive through a drive-thru somewhere. (There are not enough drive-thrus near me. Must research!) And I need help. I need someone else to spend time with L so I can have time for myself. Maybe I should just join the Y so I can exercise and leave L at their daycare. But I'm so NOT a gym person!

We're alone together for a good part of many days. And lately, Hubby has been coming home late from work, and working on projects around the house on the weekends when he is actually home. We need to find a better balance here. And, it's time to start getting my MIL to come watch L every now and then. She's going to be doing it one day a week come May, so I guess it's never too early to start practicing, right? I'm not quite sure I'm ready for traditional baby sitters just yet. But maybe I need to research. 

I need to keep trying to set up play dates and outings with the few mom friends I have and take advantage of the women that I've meet through my Isis classes to go to the mall or more mommy movies. 

And I need to know that I'm a good mom, and I will be ok. I'm going to kick those intrusive thoughts to the curb!

Cloth Diaper Dilemna

I know a lot of you out there are successfully cloth diapering. This is something that I am really interested in. I love the idea of the cost savings, fewer rashes and blow outs, and helping the environment is a happy side effect. Not to mention that they are so darn cute!

I have borrowed a stash of pockets from a friend, and I have four bum genius all in ones, two elementals and two freetime. So far, for me, the freetimes are my favorite. They fit well, and wash and dry well. Being that's its winter, we're not well set up for line drying outside, so the cotton is taking forever to dry. The pockets work really well, but I am planning to go back to work four days a week. L will be in daycare three days and they are willing to take cloth. But once in working, I can't imagine taking all the extra time for stuffing pockets, and the thought of unstuffing pockets that have been sitting all day is less than apealing.

Ok, so the dilemna...I keep giving this a try but have yet to make it through an entire week because after two days, L keeps getting a rash! It's basically redness in the area of his butt crack with sometimes a small line if red bumps right at the edge if the redness.

We've used a lot of balmex preventatives, and it seems to me that he is just really sensitive to poo and needs to have a barrier all the time. My mom tells I was this way too. So, we go back to disposable and balmex until it clears. This round, I'm trying coconut oil while he's in cloth and using a disposable with balmex over night. But the rash is back! I'm going to give the coconut oil a few days. And then I'm not sure what to do. Also, I don't think its a detergent rash because its so localized. But I'm using bum genius and started using half as much to see if that made a difference. Thoughts?

My other concern, aside from solving the rash issue before I actually invest in my own stash, is keeping up with laundry when I go back to work. I would love some feedback on whether or not this is feasible while working, or am I crazy? Especially since we all know I actually am a but crazy and need to deal with that too?!

As for my last post, thanks for all the great support! It's really helpful to know that people out there really get it. I called the office I was referred to an am waiting to hear back from them after they evaluate my issues and find the right person for me to see. I should hear back by the beginning of next week at the latest. Waiting is frustrating! I just want to feel better already! So I think L and I are going shopping this afternoon for a little retail therapy.

Monday Snapshot: Class Picture Edition

The week was the last meeting of our first class at Isis. L sported his signature argyle vest for the event.

Admitting It

Admitting it is half the battle, right? Well, it's time. I am not myself. I am struggling, and it's not getting any better. We hit a groove in December. I love the holidays, the decor, the festivities. I did a pretty good job of getting all my shopping done from my laptop while nursing. Life was good. We were out and about and doing well.

Then, we got home from visiting my mom, and I haven't felt healthy since. I had a fever that first night home, and have been dealing with sinus congestion ever since. It's not the stuffy nose where you can't breath kind, but the the kid that is so deep in your head that it always feels heavy, and there is usually post nasal drip going on. I keep thinking I have a cold, but then it doesn't really turn into anything. I just feel blah. And of course, I'm too paranoid of messing up my milk supply to really take some decongestants that would probably clear everything up. So saline rinse it is.

This feeling, along with the aches and pains of what I'm realizing is not an ideal nursing posture, mixed with a twelve week growth spurt has me at about the end of my rope. I got lots of good sleep while at my mom's over Christmas. But since, I've been an insomniac with a pea sized bladder. L can usually go 7-8 hours between feedings at this point. He eats for last time somewhere around 8, and by the time we get him tucked into bed, it's about 9:30. He then sleeps (for the most part, usually needs to be soothed once or twice) until about 3 or 4 when we wants to eat again. I've been getting into bed by about 10:30 myself, and having trouble falling asleep. Then, I usually have to pee around 1, sooth L around 2, and feed him around 4. Last night, I swear I saw every hour on the clock as time ticked by. There is nothing more excruciating than lying awake in the middle of the night next to a peacefully sleeping baby. Nothing.

Two night ago, I burst into tears when, as requested, my husband emailed me a list of extra curricular work activities he has coming up over the next few months. When I saw that he would be busy for two Saturdays in April, including the one right after my birthday, I just couldn't handle it. I love being with L. In fact, I am beginning to freak out about going back to work, and I still have another three months. But man, do I look forward to evenings and weekends, because I really like to be with my family of three. And I need help. I need Hubby to spend time with L so I can just get some shit done. I need to get a massage to fix my fucked up neck. I need to reorganize my closets and get all my non-maternity clothes out of the attic so I can have more than three things to wear. I need to not be by myself.

And this is when I went to good old doctor google and typed "three months post partum depression."

This is the article I first read. See below in bold for all the things I can relate to right now.

Postpartum blues. A certain amount of insomnia, irritability, tears, overwhelmed feelings, and mood swings are normal during the first days afterchildbirth. These "baby blues" usually peak around the fourth postpartum day and subside in less than 2 weeks, when hormonal changes have settled down. If you have postpartum blues after childbirth, you're not alone-more than half of women have temporary mild symptoms of depression mixed with feelings of happiness after having a baby.²Be sure to report any feelings of postpartum blues to your doctor at your first postpartum checkup, so he or she can follow up with you.Postpartum depression (PPD). Symptoms of postpartum depression can follow postpartum blues. They can feel like more of the same or can feel worse than before. Postpartum depression can also happen months after childbirth or pregnancy loss. In some cases, symptoms peak after slowly building for 3 or 4 months. Possible PPD symptoms require evaluation by a doctor.If you have postpartum depression, you have had five or more depressive symptoms (including one of the first two listed below) for most of the past 2 weeks, including:^1, 2

• Depressed mood-tearfulness, hopelessness, and feeling empty inside, with or without severe anxiety.

• Loss of pleasure in either all or almost all of your daily activities.

• Appetite and weight change-usually a drop in appetite and weight but sometimes the opposite.

• Sleep problems-usually trouble with sleeping, even when your baby is sleeping.

• Noticeable change in how you walk and talk-usually restlessness, but sometimes sluggishness.

• Extreme fatigue or loss of energy.

• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, with no reasonable cause.

• Difficulty concentrating and making decisions.

• Thoughts about death or suicide. Some women with PPD have fleeting, frightening thoughts of harming their babies. These thoughts tend to be fearful thoughts, rather than urges to harm.

Hmm. Let's see. That would be seven. It was that last one, the fearful thoughts, rather than urges to harm, that got me. I've had these awful thoughts for a long time, though they have tapered off a lot since the beginning. They are still there at times. I think they were probably masked a bit by the holiday excitement. The thing is, there is no desire to harm L at all. The fear is that something will happen to him, or that I will accidentally harm him somehow. The thoughts are more like...What if I get so tired that my arms fall open and I drop him on the floor?  What if I trip and step on his head? What if I let go of the stroller when we're out for a walk and he rolls into traffic? And the worst is that when ever I am away from him, I think someone is going to die in a car accident.

Yeah. It was reading that last bullet point that made me realize I need to do something about this. I can't go on this way. I have three months left before I go back to work, and I want to enjoy as much of it as possible. (That said, we all know that not every moment with an infant is truly enjoyable, explosive poops and spit-ups and all, but you know what I mean.)

I have dealt with anxiety and depression for over a decade now, and have been in therapy twice. I'm really not looking forward to regular therapy right now. Mostly because I just don't want to fit it into my life. But, if that's what I have to do, I'll fogire out how to make it work, and hope it's only temporary. I'm equally less than thrilled thinking about the possiblity of taking medication. I took SSRIs for 8 years. I gained weight, lost my libido, and it was damn hard to go off. But I cannot continue to fear that my child will die in a car accident every time we are separated. That's just not practical.

I had a strong feeling might end up in this place, given my history. I promised myself I would do something about it. I emailed my OB and got the name of a therapist to call. I just have to make that call and set up a consultation. I will do it before the week is out. I have to. It's not easy. But like I said, admitting it is half the battle, right?

I'm admitting this here because I know some of you have been through this. Some of you have talked about it. Some of you haven't. But we need to talk about these things. They happen, and we shouldn't feel guilty or ashamed. We should feel able to do something to fix it. It doesn't mean that I'm a bad mother. It doesn't mean that I don't love my son, or that I'm not incredibly grateful for him every. single. day. It means that an incredible hormone crash mixed with months of sleep deprivation and a predisposition for anxiety has left me feeling not my best self. It doesn't mean I have to stay that way.

Advice for New Moms from New Moms

L and I just finished an 8 week class called Great Beginnings at a Boston area parenting center called Isis Parenting. One of our discussion points for the last class was what advice we would have to offer other new moms. I thought it might be nice to share some of those items here, along with some extra points of my own I feel are worth sharing.

• They won't remember. I wrote about this concept back in my first month of motherhood. My mom said to me "you forgave me, right?" in response to me telling her that L had started screaming while I was in the shower, and I felt terrible for letting him cry. Really. Think back. You can't remember, right?
• If you are nursing, let your husband give the baby a bottle as soon as you are ready to pump...3 weeks or so should do it. I wish I had done it sooner. It made all the difference in the world to me in the second month to be able to sleep one stretch that was more than two hours during the night. 
• Take a mommy and me style class. Don't wait. It is great to have a reason to get out of the house, and meeting other moms in person is invaluable. It also helps to hear other babies cry, and realize that if they don't really sound that loud to you, then your baby must not sound all that loud to everyone else. 
• Don't compare yourself to other moms. You are doing the best that you can with the circumstances that you have to take the best care of your baby. 
• Don't compare your baby to other babies. Some will sleep for 12 hours straight early on in life. Some won't be able to nurse. Some will want to eat every two hours. Some will be awesome at tummy time. Some will hate it. Some will be big. Some will be small. Who cares? Your baby is your baby, and that, in itself, especially in this world, is simply awesome. 
• Wait for the third poop/fart before changing the diaper. Poop often come in threes. Avoid the projectile poop in the bathroom at the restaurant as just happened to my classmate at lunch today. Wait for the third poop!
• If you need to use a nipple shield, own more than one. And bring more than one out into the world with you or you might have to cut your first in restaurant nursing session short when the shield falls onto the floor. Yes, this just happened to me. 
• If you need to use a nipple shield, try at least once a day to nurse without it, or you will be 14 weeks in and still completely dependent on the darn thing. 
• Accept help from whoever is willing. 
• Request that all visitors bring food.  
• Don't be afraid to take your baby to restaurants, especially when they are small and good at falling asleep anywhere. 
• Make sure to take time for yourself (easier said than done, as I have failed miserably at this so far. I am in desperate need of a massage. Nursing has destroyed my back and neck)
• In addition to time for yourself. Take care of yourself. If the crazy thoughts about harm coming to your baby are still with you at fourteen weeks, and insomnia, fatigue and irritability are dominating your life (ahem)* then it is time to pick up the phone and call for help. 

What about the other moms out there...what advice to you have to offer to new moms?

*Yes, there will be another post on this topic as soon as I can manage. I think it's time. I can't deny it any longer. 

Monday Snapshot: Home Improvement Edition

It's my turn to host PAIL's Monday Snapshot. If you haven't signed up yet, go do it! And go check out all the other shots to see what everyone has been up to.

Hi everyone! I'm excited to be here today guest hosting PAIL's Monday Snapshot. Although, when I first heard it was my turn, I panicked. We've had a bit of a fussy week over here, dealing with a three month growth spurt or something, and the one interesting thing we did (attended a baby friendly showing of Les Mis...ah, brought me right back to my junior high obsession) was not easy to capture in an iPhone photo. I know. I tried.*

But then on Saturday, Luigi and I accompanied Hubby to one of our favorite places...H.ome Depot! We needed some supplies for our latest project, the first phase in upgrading our "finished" basement into a more toddler friendly play room. Yes, I realize Luigi is only three months old, but this project is going to take awhile! And by the time he is toddling around, we are going to need more play space in our little house, for sure.

I love this picture because of the goofy look on Luigi's face, and because it symbolizes to me a lifetime of helping His daddy with projects around the house. I hope he will learn to be as handy as his dad. I also love the subliminal message I captured, completely accidentally, I swear!

Anyway, I won't bog this down with details about our project, but I do plan to share more about it here eventually, so stay tuned for more about our basement upgrade. Happy Monday!

Bonus Shot: Daddy in the background loading up the cart.

*proof

PS: L did great at the movie. He slept on the way there and stayed a sleep for about the first 2/3 of the movie. He exhibited his flair for the dramatic when he chose to wake right at the climax of Eponine's big song..."a world that's full of happiness that I have known!" followed by a dramatic pause of complete silence, and a nice loud Luigi scream! That's my boy!

Go Pats!

(Hi Blakely) ; )

Comments

Hi All, just a quick question for you about comments. I have always been terrible at responding to comments. Probably because so much of my online life happens via iPhone and not laptop, and it's just so convoluted. But I would like, if I can find the time, to try to converse more with my bloggy friends. What do you all find is the best way? I know some of you are emailable, and I can just reply when then comment is emailed to my inbox. But if I reply on my blog, do people actually come back and look for a response? I rarely do this myself. Or do people tend to subscribe to the comments so they are kept up to date? This often overwhelms me when I do it with other blogs. Just trying to figure out how to turn this blog world into a more conversational experience rather than just post and comment and leave it at that.

So what's he like...

...at three months? Since I didn't get around to it the other day...

Luigi, every day is a new adventure. You continue to be a real charmer. Your third month was incredibly busy since it was your first Christmas, and there was lots of time to celebrate with family. But first, you had to survive a few more trips to doctors. At your two month appointment, Dr. G officially diagnosed you as "amazing" saying you had the head control of a four month old. You were 24" that day and weighed nearly 12 pounds. The next week, you had to have an x-ray with a catheter to evaluate your kidneys. The good news is that you don't have bladder reflux. The even better news is that you handled the whole experience like a champ. You didn't cry, not even a little. I held your hands and sang to you the whole time. I hated seeing you on that table in your little hospital gown, but you made it much easier on my by being so brave.

We spent your first Christmas week at your Granny's house, and had a low key time, with just the four of us. Santa was very good to you! One of your favorite toys he brought is a giraffe with colorful balls in his belly that bounce around when you (we) plunge his head. You also got a ton of new clothes. You will be very well dressed for a few months. Speaking of which, we have already packed away all of your 0-3, and using the 3-6 now, mostly based on length. With all the hoopla about your size before you arrived, it's turning out that you are sort of a skinny little guy.

When we got back from NY, we had your Gramma & Grampa, Great Grampa L and Uncle J over for another family celebration which we deemed "First Noel," where you were again thoroughly spoiled. G-Grampa loves to make silly noised and faces at you, which it truly adorable coming from a 92 year old man. He loves you very much.

The following day, we headed to "Second Christmas" with the other side of Daddy's family, and G-Gramma & G-Grampa's house. It was quite chaotic, and you were a little bit shell shocked by the time the say was over, but you were officially able to meet your Daddy's entire extended family (all 26 or so of them!) that day.

So, aside from all this celebrating, what have you been up to? You have become much more interactive with your play mats. You spent a good half hour one day doing leg lifts that I only dream of having the abdominal strength to handle. You were actually kicking and almost juggling one of the dangling toys with your feet. You got a few balls for Christams that you can easily twine your fingers into, and you have been having fun grabbing on to those as well. You can sit up in your bumbo seat, safely on the floor of course, and have even started to enjoy some time in your exersaucer. It's amazing to see you grow and become strong, while gaining just a bit more control over your body. Daddy has actually seen you roll over from front to back three times. I keep missing it!

Your favorite toys seem to be the ones that light up. Your face beams with delight, and you look like you might laugh, although I'm still waiting eagerly to hear what that precious giggle sounds like.

You like to help out in the kitchen and hang out with us while we eat at the table. We have started sitting you more upright in your chair, and even added the tray with some toys this week. You played with them very intently the other day while I did some dishes.

You love to carry on conversations with Daddy, and are starting to chat more with me too. We sing a lot, which you seem to enjoy as well.

You are a student of the world around you, and get the most serious looks of concentration when you are trying to figure out what is going on. I hope you won't be too serious when you grow up!

For awhile, you almost seemed to have found a meal routine. You were consistent with the timing of 6 meals a day for a few weeks before Christmas. The travel and family time threw you off though, and ever since you hit twelve weeks old, we've been battling back to consistency. I'm hoping we will be there soon.

You don't fall asleep for naps on your own anymore. We have to help you somehow. Usually, holding you on your left side with a pacifier, a jiggle and some shushing will do the trick, and we can then put you in your crib for about a half hour nap. If I want you to sleep longer, it's usually in the swing in the living room, or out and about in the car seat/stroller. You do fight going down because you are far too interested in the world around you now, to give in to sleepiness. We are trying to keep to a 3 yawns/2 hours max of awake time rule for now, and it works for the most part, although, as I said, the lengths of your naps are not yet reliable.

Just recently, when you are done nursing, you pull back quietly, and just look up at me with the sweetest face, and a slight smile. It is different from the dramatic milk drunk stretch of your earlier days, but just as precious. It's like you want to tell me something, but don't quite know what.

Oh my little peanut, there is probably so much more I am forgetting to tell you. Every day with you is a precious gift, even though some days are harder than others (this last week being a doozie for sure!) You have brought endless joy to the lives of so many around you. Words cannot express how much you are loved.

*as per usual, I am behind with photos, and will let you know when the three month collage has been added. I did get the two month collage up! I think I am going to create page for monthly and weekly photos (which I have been doing on instagram and FB, always looking for more instagram friends—and Pinterest too for that matter. Email me if you'd like to follow.) so they can be all in one place. I will leave you with a few family portrait from Christmas to tide you over. 

Checking out what Santa left of Christmas morning.

Christmas with Granny. A study in argyle. 

With Gramma and G. Grampa L.

Is this for me?

Big Day

Today is a big day at the Chronicles. Not only is it my second blogoversary, but Luigi is three months old today!

Unfortunately, my wifi is down, so I'm down to just my phone to write this post, which means I will be keeping it simple. But I couldn't let the day pass without acknowledging how far I've come in two years.

The first year of this blog was about treatments. I was waiting for my 5th iui/2nd injectable cycle to start when I first wrote. I'm eternally grateful for the connections and support I found in that first year. I don't think I would have survived without it.

The second year of this blog was about pregnancy, and learning how to parent. I think I was waiting for cycle day 1 last year so that I could start stimming for my third IVF cycle, the one that would result in my precious Luigi. Reading the pregnancy and parenting stories of those who struggled before me were an invaluable preparation for the joys and trials of parenthood.

The third year of this blog will undoubtably be about parenting. Whether or not it will also be about a continued struggle with trying to conceive is yet to be determined. For the moment, I'm content to soak in the cuddles and smiles of my darling little Luigi.

Many of you have been lucky enough to achieve your goals in the time I've been blogging, but so many of you are still waiting to resolve your parenting stories. I know it probably hasn't always been way to stick with my evolving story. I thank you for reading and commenting, and I hope every day that you will all be mommies soon!

And with that, I'll leave you with a quick picture of Luigi. I haven't managed to take his official three month photo yet, big surprise!

Monday Snapshot: Sock Monkey Edition

Amazingly enough, I didn't take a lot of pictures this week. I think I've been in a bit of a fog with a cold and a growth spurting kiddo. But, I did grab this shot on my phone of L wearing the new hoodie we got him for Christmas. Ah, my little monkey.

Stop on over to PAIL to see more great shots.

Random thoughts at twelve weeks

First, let me say that I think many new moms disappear from the bloggosphere not for guilt, or lack of things to say, but for shear lack of a free minute and an inability to for a coherent thought. I have been wanting to write on so many topics for weeks, and I just can't seem to get to it. I happen to be pumping right now while Hubby is upstairs wearing L while putting away laundry, so I grabbed the few minutes I have. Let's see how much I can manage to say in twenty minutes.

Things are mostly going well around here. L is a lovely baby who smiles a lot and cries for good reason. It just so happens that this week, he hasn't been feeling well, nor have I. He had the second half of his two month immunizations on Friday, and seems to be growth spurting, so he's wanting to eat more often than his usual three hour interval during the day. It's 10:00 am and he's already nursed three times today. Needless to day, I'm feeling a bit frazzled.

Yeah, so about that twelve week thing. This is the point when so many moms have to return to work, and I simply cannot fathom how. I am still exhausted most days, and get quite crabby if I have to miss my afternoon nap. Sleep wise, when not growth spurting, L is down to one mid-night feeding, which usually varies from between 3 and 5 am. We all go to bed as a family by about 10pm by the time we're all settled, after L eats for the last time somewhere between 7:45 and 9. So, if we're lucky, there is a 6 hour stretch of sleep coming between an 8 hour feeding interval, but it's usually disrupted for me by needing to pee, needing to give L his paci back, or my old friend insomnia. Getting back to sleep for me after that mid-night feeding has proven to be the bigger issue. I have struggled with insomnia for years, pregnant and not, and 4am has always been a bit of a struggle. Add to that the fact that I'm still dealing with anemia, and can't seem to remember to take two iron pills that should not be taken with dairy, or too close to my morning thyroid meds or bedtime multivitamin, and there is now snow on the ground which interferes with my ability to get out and take a walk to get fresh air, sun and exercise, and you have a mommy who can't imagine ever feeling energized ever again. I'm certainly unable to comprehend returning to work right now. I'm so glad I have another three months or so.

And about that sleep thing. Ugh. It's so frustrating when L is sleeping soundly, and I am staring at the ceiling. We've ended up co-sleeping more often than not. He hasn't spent a full night in his crib in our room since November. For awhile, we had him sleeping on his own in his car seat next to the bed, so it was easy for us to manage him (rock, paci, etc.) through the night. But what we've found is he actually sleeps best, and usually so do we, when he's in bed with us. I never imagined I would end up here, but it turns out, I quite like it. However, I really worry about getting him out of our bed sometime soon. We have started to work on crib naps in his room with some success. At least we have proven that he will sleep flat on his back without us, and not just in the swing or car seat. Hopefully that will lead to comfort in the crib and the eventual transition out of our room. But right now, that seems so far off. I just long for him to be able to go to bed without us so we can have a little bit of grown up time before going to bed ourselves.

Ugh. There is so much more I wanted to say. And in fact, this should be more appropriately titled random thoughts at thirteen weeks since he hits that mark tomorrow. I just sat down to pump and finish this post, and eight minutes in, after only a 30 minute nap, L is screaming awake in his crib. I guess I better run. Advice on breaking the co-sleeping habit is most welcome. I'd be happy if we can just get him into the pack-n-play in our room for the next month.