Random thoughts at twelve weeks

First, let me say that I think many new moms disappear from the bloggosphere not for guilt, or lack of things to say, but for shear lack of a free minute and an inability to for a coherent thought. I have been wanting to write on so many topics for weeks, and I just can't seem to get to it. I happen to be pumping right now while Hubby is upstairs wearing L while putting away laundry, so I grabbed the few minutes I have. Let's see how much I can manage to say in twenty minutes.

Things are mostly going well around here. L is a lovely baby who smiles a lot and cries for good reason. It just so happens that this week, he hasn't been feeling well, nor have I. He had the second half of his two month immunizations on Friday, and seems to be growth spurting, so he's wanting to eat more often than his usual three hour interval during the day. It's 10:00 am and he's already nursed three times today. Needless to day, I'm feeling a bit frazzled.

Yeah, so about that twelve week thing. This is the point when so many moms have to return to work, and I simply cannot fathom how. I am still exhausted most days, and get quite crabby if I have to miss my afternoon nap. Sleep wise, when not growth spurting, L is down to one mid-night feeding, which usually varies from between 3 and 5 am. We all go to bed as a family by about 10pm by the time we're all settled, after L eats for the last time somewhere between 7:45 and 9. So, if we're lucky, there is a 6 hour stretch of sleep coming between an 8 hour feeding interval, but it's usually disrupted for me by needing to pee, needing to give L his paci back, or my old friend insomnia. Getting back to sleep for me after that mid-night feeding has proven to be the bigger issue. I have struggled with insomnia for years, pregnant and not, and 4am has always been a bit of a struggle. Add to that the fact that I'm still dealing with anemia, and can't seem to remember to take two iron pills that should not be taken with dairy, or too close to my morning thyroid meds or bedtime multivitamin, and there is now snow on the ground which interferes with my ability to get out and take a walk to get fresh air, sun and exercise, and you have a mommy who can't imagine ever feeling energized ever again. I'm certainly unable to comprehend returning to work right now. I'm so glad I have another three months or so.

And about that sleep thing. Ugh. It's so frustrating when L is sleeping soundly, and I am staring at the ceiling. We've ended up co-sleeping more often than not. He hasn't spent a full night in his crib in our room since November. For awhile, we had him sleeping on his own in his car seat next to the bed, so it was easy for us to manage him (rock, paci, etc.) through the night. But what we've found is he actually sleeps best, and usually so do we, when he's in bed with us. I never imagined I would end up here, but it turns out, I quite like it. However, I really worry about getting him out of our bed sometime soon. We have started to work on crib naps in his room with some success. At least we have proven that he will sleep flat on his back without us, and not just in the swing or car seat. Hopefully that will lead to comfort in the crib and the eventual transition out of our room. But right now, that seems so far off. I just long for him to be able to go to bed without us so we can have a little bit of grown up time before going to bed ourselves.

Ugh. There is so much more I wanted to say. And in fact, this should be more appropriately titled random thoughts at thirteen weeks since he hits that mark tomorrow. I just sat down to pump and finish this post, and eight minutes in, after only a 30 minute nap, L is screaming awake in his crib. I guess I better run. Advice on breaking the co-sleeping habit is most welcome. I'd be happy if we can just get him into the pack-n-play in our room for the next month.