I supposed the best way to start is at the beginning. So here is my story.
I have wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember. So much, that when I turned 30, and was still single, I told myself that my back-up plan would be to go to the sperm bank for my 35th birthday. I want to be a mom so much that I would seriously have done it on my own. But, just before I turned 31, I met the most amazing man, and we got married in May of 2008. He is 6.5 years older than me, but we still decided to wait a year into our marriage before ttc. We wanted to have some us time before we focused on expanding our family.
One month before my 34th birthday, in March 2009, I stopped taking the pill. In July, I started paying attention to the timing of my cycle, but I didn't want to take my temperature or test for ovulation until a few months had gone by. I was concerned about becoming too obsessed with the process. I've heard so many stories about people who were trying too hard. And it seems like it could take awhile. I was still young, and reasonably healthy, so no need to worry yet, right? In November 2009, over Thanksgiving, my perfect younger brother and his perfect wife (high school sweethearts, married two years before me) announced they were expecting. I was thrilled to hear the news that I was going to be an aunt, and devastated that I wasn't going to be first. We'd had an on going family argument when my mom asked for grandchildren...
Little Bro: "You're older."
Me: "You've been married longer..."
The reality was that he and I had talked a bit about it, and realized we had the same schedule in mind. I thought it would be so fun for us to have babies the same age. Flash forward a year...I just spent a fun, (and heart breaking) Christmas with my six month old niece, and no still no sign of a baby of my own. But I digress. That is another story.
Continuing the story chronologically, I decided with the new year (2010), it was time to take new steps and I started charting my BBT. I saw my primary care doctor for an annual exam early in January, and told her how long I'd been off the pill. Since I was falling somewhere in between to typical guidelines...34 and 9 months of trying, she suggested that I make an appointment with an OB/GYN proactively. I scheduled one for the beginning of March.
The BBT charting became puzzling, when after day 15, I still did not have an increase in temperature. This was puzzling, because my cycles had typically been 26-27 days...sometimes even a bit shorter. And if ovulation is theoretically 14 days BEFORE my period, it should have been day 13 I was puzzled, but it was only my first month. Maybe I hadn't slept well some night and thrown off the results. We kept doing our thing without putting too much weight on it. My temperature finally went up on day 19. Hmmm. A little dangerous google research revealed the concept of a luteal phase defect. Well, I did have that appointment scheduled, so this was valuable info to gather.
But then day 28, day 29, day 30 came, and still no period. Finally, I couldn't stand it any longer, on the evening of day 32, I took a test. There was the tell tale control line, and a very faint second line. Well, what the heck does that mean? Can you be sort of pregnant? I know now, the answer is yes. I was excited, but cautious. Puzzled by the faint line. But, I grabbed my pregnancy book and started reading. There are a bunch of foods I'm supposed to avoid, I should remind myself.
The next morning, Feb 1, 2010, day 32, and coincidentally my pregnant sister-in-law's birthday, I awoke to take my temperature, and found that it had fallen. Immediately I ran to the computer, and discovered that this likely meant I'd had a chemical pregnancy and would likely start to bleed within the next day or so. And indeed, by about 4pm that afternoon, I did. So yes, you can be sort of pregnant. I called my doctor, and over the course of the next few days, had blood work to prove, that yes, in fact I had miscarried. It was strange. I had barely had time to realize I was pregnant, so I didn't really understand the appropriate level of grief. I was swamped with work, and so I forged on, bleeding heavily, with a heat-wrap around my waist for the severe cramps. My appointment with the OB/GYN was a month a way, and I would surely have some answers.
I'll get to the answers in the next post.
