Other Blog Thoughts

There have a been a few post in the last week that have made me think, or riled me up for one reason or another. I thought I would share some of my thoughts.

First, Mel from Stirrup Queens posted last week about infertility showing up in Hollywood. There is a new movie coming out which inspired the post. One of the movies touched upon was the movie Up. A wonderful movie, but yes, that opening montage did catch me by surprise indeed. It's not so much the movie that I want to talk about here though. It's the reference made to another blogger who wrote about the movie that upset me. (maybe still feeling sensitive after the PAIL blow up, I'm not sure). Anyway. She make reference to a review written by Momicillian. (See her post for all the links, I'm being lazy.) The woman who wrote this review commented that she was really glad her son didn't ask about that scene because she didn't want to have to explain it to him.

Well, you can only imagine that this prompted a few comments about hoe Momicillian has no idea how lucky she is, and how she is a boob. This is what upset me. I have a feeling that these few commenters never bothered to click though tot he original review on Momicillian. If they did, they would have seen that Momicillian is a blog written by many women of many different backgrounds, and that this particular review was by a guest writer! Momicillian is not one person! Also, I happen to have some IRL knowledge about the founders of Momicillian, and know that one of them adopted a daughter from China after having one biological son. Anyway, just because the reviewer didn't want to have to explain miscarriage to her son in that moment, doesn't necessarily mean that she has never experienced one. I guess I just got a little sick of the jumping to conclusions that I see, and the negative commenting without fully understanding the source of the material being commented on. It really does go to show the power that bloggers have and how they can easily sway an audience. I almost never comment on Stirrup Queens. But, for that post, I did feel the need to speak up and point out the few things that I did here.

Then, after riling me all up, a few days later, Mel posted this post about copyright, and what images are ok to use on your blog. I commented again to thank her for spreading the word. I come from a background in graphic design. Being aware of what is ok or not ok to use was part of my profession. Nothing drives me crazier than seeing someone credit Google Images for the picture they used on their blog. Google is not a photo house. They are a search engine. They do not own any images. Read her post. It will explain it all. It jumped out at me not only because it's a pet peeve, but because this issue has been on my mind a lot lately in the context of Pinterest. Going forward, I will be making an effort to pin only images that are fairly obvious that the creator would like to have pinned.

Anyway!

The last post that had my head spinning was Miss Conception writing about her father. I really feel for her situation. Hubby and I are going through a similar situation right now, as he was forced to reconcile with his alcoholic father in order to support his mother (still married) and brother through that illness. They didn't speak for 12 years. I haven't spoken to my own father (who I'm recently believing more and more is an alcoholic as well) for 2.5 years. I wrote a lot about him last year, but took down all of those posts in fear of a security breach. Anyway, it struck me, in reading through the comments, just how many other people have dealt with alcoholism, and daddy issues. I had a few thoughts....are children of alcoholics more likely to be infertile? And then the similarity of the stigma of two topics that people don't talk about...Alcoholism and Infertility, but yet, how when we do reach out, there are always people who get it, and what a relief that is. So, my dear friend, Miss C, I am thinking of you lots, and really, really hoping that you get some good news this week on your FET!

Fifteen Weeks

Violetta, your Mommy is tired this week! I haven't been sleeping well for a few weeks, and it is starting to catch up with me. I often wake up somewhere between 4 and 5 in the morning, and just can't get back to sleep, even though I don't need to get up for work until 7. I know this will all change when you arrive. Some people think that my sleep habits are changing now in preparation for getting up with you in the night. 

This week, you are the size of a naval orange, an apple or an avocado! Have I told you how much I love avocados? I hope that you love them too. I think it will probably one of the first solid foods that you will try when you are ready. 

You Daddy has been really busy working on our new deck. This week was all about digging giant holes in the yard for the foundations. We had a big bobcat with an auger come for a few hours on Saturday because the holes have to be 4 feet deep! I wonder if you will enjoy digging in the dirt someday?

Other than that, it's been a fairly uneventful week. We told your great-grandpa Louis about you. He was excited! He'll be 92 shortly after you arrive and we are really looking forward to you two meeting each other. 

Oh, and I almost forgot, I got to hear your heartbeat again this week too. Still a completely amazing sound!

Things I want to do, or not

This is part of the monthly PAIL theme post. Check this out for more details. 

I have always wanted to be a mom, and my husband and I have always known we wanted to be parents together. We've known each other for 6 years, have been married for nearly 4, and threw out the bcps a little over 3 years ago. This has given us a lot of time to think about what type of parents we would like to be.

I don't imagine that we would ever follow a prescribed system for parenting. I imagine that we will go with the flow a bit and will research various theories as circumstances arise, maybe catch a few episodes of Super Nanny along the way. Mostly, we've collected a long list of random things we know we don't want to do.

1. No DVD in the SUV. Well, this is easy so far, since we don't actually own an SUV, and I may end up eating my words some day, but we really want to limit television watching while Violetta is very small. Hubby would like to have no TV until she is at least two. We will see how this goes, as we are TV people. But, my hope is that long road trips can be fun family time, where we sing, and play games and tell stories, and our child doesn't expect to be entertained for hours by moving pictures. 
2. Asking Yes/No questions. A friend of ours would always ask his son "Is this a circle? Is this a square?" This leaves only two words for the child to answer. Yes or no. I would much rather see the question posed as "What shape is this?" to encourage better language development. 
3. Avoid a long, drawn out bedtime routine. Some of our friends disappear for literally hours when they put the kids to bed. It starts with bath time, then the kid gets to pick out several stories and demand which parent will read them. My SIL has had great success detaching my niece's baths from bed time. She says Lady C is ramped up as opposed to calmed by the water. She is able to put her down in 15 - 20 minutes, and return to the adults for the rest of the evening. I'm not sure how we figure this out, but it is something I aim for. 
4. Avoid anal retentive nap routines. My cousin once told her her mother (and mine) who had just driven to Boston from Albany for three hours to visit for Easter, that they needed to go to CVS and kill a half an hour because her boys were still sleeping and she wouldn't let them in the house. Need I say more? (My cousin is also the person who disappears for 3 hours when it bedtime arrives). 
5. Do not let kids dictate parental responsibilities. We are friends with one couple who will trade off who drives the car on the demand of their child. Let me tell you, if Mommy is tired, then Mommy's not driving. Deal. 
6. Don't be the only person who can put my baby to bed. I know so many mom's who fall into this trap and are so tied to the home because of it. I know part of it has to do with breastfeeding, and it might be really hard to avoid, but it's on the list.  
7. Let my baby sit on an elevated surface in a bumbo chair. It says these are only to be used on the floor, and it makes me really nervous to see when parents put their baby up on a counter in their seat. 
8. Don't be afraid of baby sitters. The aforementioned cousin asked me to babysit for her son when he was 1.5 years old so they could go out for her husband's 40th birthday. She was 6 months pregnant with her second. This was the first time he had a baby sitter. Her mother had been to visit countless times, and never once had been allowed to stay with her son so she and her husband could have some alone time. 

I also have list of things that I would like to do if all works out well. 

1. Breastfeed for 6 months to a year.
2. Use sign language to encourage early communication and language development. I don't hear of people doing this as often these days, but I have always been fascinated by the idea. It makes so much sense to me that babies can communicate before their mouths are developed enough to form the words. 
3. Encourage brave eating habits. Again, following the lead of my SIL, Lady C seems to be a very unchoosy eater, and was actually eating a lot of real foods by 6 months. SIL's theory is that evolutionarily speaking, before infants were mobile, they implicitly trust food given to them because it comes from their care giver. Once they start to crawl, they are more skeptical of what they eat, because it might be dangerous to ingest. So, the idea is to introduce a lot of tastes and textures before they are mobile. 
4. In combination with above, make a lot of my own baby food, specifically, mush up whatever we are eating that night with an immersible blender (which I've now decided I must have) and call it dinner. 
5. Be laid back and easy going, attempt to implement a routine, but not freak out if flexibility is required, and try not to turn into Claire Dunphy (though I fear this may be inevitable, reference the haunted house Halloween episode tantrum). I think children clearly benefit from a routine, but flexibility is a great skill to learn as well. 

So, there you have it...a list of things I don't want to do, and a list of things I hope I can pull off. I'm sure both are longer, but with my pregnancy brain, I'm having trouble with memory these day! I'll be sure to let you know how it goes. 

Pregzilla

OK, I'm going to be a whiny, bitchy, hormonal pregnant woman for a few minutes. Tonight, over dinner, Hubby told me that he learned that his mom had told her parents about Violetta. She finally had permission from my BIL to tell them about his lost baby, and decided that it was appropriate for her to share our news at the same time.

This pisses me off on many levels. First of all, it's not her news to share. She has never once asked us when/how we planned to share the news with her family. I know that we've started to tell friends and coworkers, but I really wanted to wait until after my next round of screening blood work in one more week before we tell family. Telling people at work this past week was out of necessity of not being able to hide it anymore. The same goes with some of the friends we've told. We had agreed that because Hubby's family is local, we wanted to tell them in person, and have been aiming for potentially Mother's Day.

So, yeah, not her news to tell. She never even asked if it was ok if she told anyone. I can't help but compare to my mom, who did ask, and I specifically told her that I wanted to tell our family myself, but she could tell her friends and neighbors if she wanted too.

The second thing that bothers me greatly about this is having the news of our baby lumped in as a consolation prize for the loss of our niece/nephew. I can't really explain why this bothers me, maybe it's some weird, indescribable maternal instinct, but it just doesn't feel right to me. "J was having a baby, but it was still born, but guess what, Jen & Hubby are having a baby too, so we still get to be excited for someone." I mean, I know this situation is very complicated on many levels, and it is helpful for J's sake if people are aware and can be sensitive to the situation, but still. I also know that my MIL is going through a lot with her husband's cancer (he'll be started radiation 5 days a week for 7 weeks in two weeks time, along with weekly chemo, but from what I'm told, the prognosis is good. It will be rough though because he'll need a feeding tube.) But still, if she needed to be able to have our happy news to share with our family, then at least just ask us when we planned to tell them, and if we minded if she did it for us. Maybe this is making me so angry because I have waited for so long to get to this point, and I want my time in the sun, and instead it's being dampened by all of this other shit that is happening to Hubby's family right now. (do I sound like an awful person, or what?) There are a lot of people going through a lot of shit, but I'm beginning to feel like everyone really needs to focus on their own shit and not get so caught up in everyone else, because it is not freaking healthy. And despite the fact that people need support, I need to keep a bit of a distance so that I can stay in a relaxed and calm mental place.

I did in fact express much of this annoyance to Hubby this evening after he informed that his grandparent now know. After dinner, we were sitting on the couch watching TV, and his mom called. She told him that she now told her brother and her sister too!

Excuse me, what the fuck? Why does she think this is ok to take away her son's moment that he has also been working and waiting for? He had wanted to tell them all in person! Now that his aunt and uncle know, there's no point in us thinking about being able to tell his cousins. And he can't express that he's a little miffed (can't even admit it really) because of everything that she's going through. He's like, well, we never said what our intentions were...that doesn't mean she shouldn't freaking ask first!!! I don't really care. It's not ok, and I'm not going to act like it is. It's going to take everything I have when I see these people who I didn't get to tell, and they congratulate me, not to say something snide like "Yeah, I'm really sorry we didn't get to tell you in person. We were looking forward to seeing your reaction." It just might come out. And I just might blame it on the hormones. The thing is, it's a boundary that was crossed, and it needs to be known. I have to defend my boundaries or they will be crossed more often, and I'm really not ok with that!

I told you I was going to be bitchy, whiny and hormonal. I think I might be a little bit of a pregzilla at the moment. I'm hoping that blogging it out will help me let it go. Ok, I'm done now. Time to try to go to bed, and actually sleep for more than two consecutive hours at a time.

Fourteen Weeks

My little Violetta, this week you are the size of a lemon, and I am by all accounts in the second trimester of this pregnancy! Wow! It still seems to surreal, until I look through all these photos I've been taking each week. Because I can't feel you yet, see how you are making my belly expand week after week is really the only sign I have of your existence. 

This week was all about telling people that you are on the way. I had my friend J9 announce it for me during our weekly staff meeting. She told everyone that we had another staff member joining us, and then pointed at my belly. Daddy told his coworkers in his weekly staff meeting as well. We also told a bunch of our friends on Saturday night at an impromptu BBQ that they are going to be Aunts & Uncles. Everyone has been so excited for us, and to know more about you. I have to tell everyone that we have to wait about another month to find out if you are a Violetta or a Luigi. 

Daddy and I spent a lot of time outside this weekend (thus the wardrobe change from previous weekly photos, my jeans were in the laundry!) We are building a deck this spring, and Daddy was a machine, tearing down the old rickety porch and stairs, and doing a lot of digging to prepare for the foundations. I mostly kept him company, did a little gardening, polished my toenails, and napped in the hammock. Important things, right? But, I've still been really tired, so the rest and fresh air was really nice. 

Not too much else to tell you, little one. I have an appointment with the OB on Thursday and I will be eagerly awaiting hearing the sound of your beating heart. 

*13 week picture added to last week's post.

Go check it out, it's my best yet, if I can be vain for a minute!

T-minus 6

That's right folks, today is Friday, October 13th, which means Violetta is due to arrive exactly 6 months from today. Wow! I kind of love that our birthdays will essentially be 6 months apart. Is it normal though, that I'm starting to completely freak out about getting everything done (not that I've even defined what "everything" is yet). I just know that I feel like there is not enough time, especially since the fatigue shows no signs of lifting any time soon.

Anyway, as per usual for my fatigued state of mind, I will be coming to you on this lucky Friday afternoon with another list of random...

• I keep waking up at 5:00am (I don't need to get up until about 7, the advantage of living 20 minutes from work and working in the Architecture industry where a work day doesn't usually start until sometime after 9) and I can't fall back asleep. I'm beginning to think this is because I am hungry and ready to eat. I think I will be keeping some snacks on my night stand to test this theory. Anyone else have this problem?

• Why do people forget how to drive in the rain? And why do people not know that if the car in front of them just went across the intersection at a 4-way stop sign IT IS NOT THEIR TURN until someone crosses in front of them from the perpendicular street? And want to be treated like vehicles unless it's more convenient for them to act as a pedestrian at that particular moment. (Rants from my drive home last night).

• Belly Bands really do work to hold up maternity jeans.

• Should I be concerned that I gained 6 pounds in one day (after eating Mexican for dinner, and before pooping?) By the way, due to my starting BMI, I am only supposed to put on 20 pounds for this entire pregnancy. This is frightening. I really need the fatigue to end so I can start exercising again. 

• When will America get rid of Hollie on Idol? That poor girl is a dear in headlights and it's painful. And even though I would never buy an album by BB Chez, I certainly recognize that the girl is extremely talented. That made no kind of sense last night. And by the way, does anyone really believe that Joshua is only 19? In case you are curious, I am rooting for Phillip and Colton. 

• If you're as into singing competitions as I am (no, I don't do X Factor or America's Got Talent) you all know that Celo clearly has the best team, and 3 of the 4 he has remaining should just get to be in the final. (Please get rid of Chessa, what kind of name is that anyway?) Unfortunately. this is not how the game is played, and both Juliet and Jamar will not get to be there. Does anyone remember Jamar from Idol a few years ago? He was Danny Gokey's best friend who narrowly missed the top 24. 

• We just got the building permit for our deck. Hubby will start demoing the old one tomorrow while I swing in the hammock and nap watch him. 

Um, yeah, my life pretty much consists of lying on the couch watching singing competitions, because I have so little energy for anything else. Looking forward to the weekend so I can sleep!!

All right, that's all I got. I told you it was all kinds of random. Happy Weekend everyone!

Thirteen Weeks

The thirteenth week of this pregnancy was quite eventful, and lucky I'd like to think since your due to arrive on October 13th. If you arrive on time (which is of course, highly unlikely) we may just end up with a lucky thirteen obsession in this family.

Violetta Luigi (as your Granny has taken to calling you until we know for sure what you are), we got to see you on Monday, and it was pretty amazing! You're looking like a real little baby now. You kept holding your hands in front of your teeny face, either sucking your thumb, or protecting yourself from the jabbing of the ultrasound. We were told that you have a prominent nasal bone, which is an excellent sign of development at this point, and also not surprising since three out of eight of your great-grandparents are 100% Italian. I do hope that you don't end up with my grandfather's nose though! Trust me, it's prominent!

This week was also my 37th birthday, on April 4th. Oh, how I wish you could have come into my life when I was a bit younger, but I am hoping that you will keep both of your parents feeling younger longer. Daddy took me out for a lovely Italian dinner, and surprised me with a digital SLR camera so I will be able to take awesome picture of you once you arrive in October. There was a time in college when I knew how to use an SLR, but I will definitely need to learn a lot about my fancy new camera.

My mom, your Granny, came to visit this weekend also, in honor of my birthday and Easter, which was this weekend. She and I went shopping for lots of clothes for me that will fit your little bump much better. She also picked out an adorable gray giraffe rattle for you. So far, your first toys have established a bit of a zoo animal theme. And, we also picked out your first outfit. Since we don't know what color you will prefer yet, we found a gray sweater one-piece outfit on sale at Baby Gap with a matching knit cap. (I love that store, but my little peach - yes, that's how big you are this week - you will probably only get stuff from the sale racks!)

Lastly, we hosted a small Easter dinner with Granny, Daddy's mom (I don't know you'll be calling her yet) and your Uncle J. Daddy and I are not religious people, but we come from families with Catholic backgrounds, so a lot of holidays come up as an excuse to get together with our family. Someday, we'll tell you all about Easter and what it means to different people. To us, it is a celebration of Spring, new life, and fertility. Seems fitting right now. Daddy's mom also brought a gift for you. A green blanket with an elephant - unknowingly continuing the zoo theme, but also because Daddy went to Tufts University, and also a book of fairy tales with a purple. I will not be reading Hansel & Gretel to you. That story made me afraid of ovens for years! Anyway, little one, it is clear that you are very loved already!

I almost forgot a huge part of the week! We have started slowly spreading the news of your arrival. I told a few important people at my job, and then my two of my good friends, J9 and Angie, on Friday over lunch. They were so excited to hear about you, and can't wait to find out what colors to start buying for you. Uncle Angie said "we need to know so we can plan!" Daddy was so excited to see you this week that he shared your picture with his hair dresser on Monday, and started to tell some of our neighbors. Yes, excitement is brewing for your arrival, that is for sure!

*pictures later when I get caught up from Granny's weekend visit...

*technically taken 13w4d

Today is My Birthday

And to be quite honest, it's a bit of a boring one. Admittedly, it's a bit hard to compare, since last year, I was in England visiting my brother and his family. And today, I have spent a large majority of the the day reading data sheets on various paint products that the contractor wants to substitute for the ones I specified for a building I have under construction in Ohio.

In any case, I love birthdays, and love to have a big deal made out of my birthday. At work these days, I have very few lunch buddies. One has a deadline today, and one doesn't work on Wednesdays. So, I had no one to have lunch with. I haven't even seen any of the three people in the office who actually know it's my birthday. And it's a bit weird to just turn to your pod mates, and be like, "Hey, it's my birthday!" I mean, I did just turn 37 after all.

Oh dear god! 37!? For real? I so don't feel like 37. Though perhaps my hair is starting to get enough gray streaking through it to make a case. I'm looking forward to the second trimester and a box of ammonia-free semi-permanent dye already sitting in my bathroom.

So, um, yeah, this day is a bit of a let down so far. I'll admit it.

I mean, I've gotten dozens upon dozens of face book wishes, texts and emails. But it's not quite the same as having someone say it out loud, where others can overhear, and be like..."oh, hey, I didn't know it was your birthday. Happy birthday! You don't look a day over 30..." Yeah, not happening.

Thank goodness for Hubby, who called around 11 and said we should meet for a quick lunch since I had the car, and he needed to drop off our deck plans at the building department so we can get a permit. He's taking me out to a nice Italian dinner tonight as well. And, my mom is coming for the weekend. (We're going shopping for some clothes.) And my work friends are taking me out on Friday for lunch. So, yeah, I will in fact be celebrated...eventually.

But that fact is not making reading about 100% acrylic vs. vinyl acrylic or modified epoxy phenalkamine vs. polyamidoamine epoxy any easier to take today. That's for sure.

And you guys all thought interior design was a glamorous career, didn't you?

A few pics from today

sucking her thumb?

shielding her face

just chillin'

Quick NT update

Everything looked good on the scan! I will have lots if pictures to show when I can get the scanned in. We'll hear in a week if the blood work shows anything, but the nasal bone was very prominent (hmmm, Italian?) and the Dixie said that was great. Ok, back to work. Busy afternoon!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Twelve Weeks

This week another fairly uneventful one, Violetta. The biggest excitement actually comes tomorrow morning when we get to see you again. Dad and I have been having fun thinking of ways to tell our friends and family about you. We plan to start doing this in the next two weeks! We're thinking of having a little party to tell our close friends here. You'll get a whole pile of aunts and uncles out of them, but unfortunately not too many cousins, as most of them have chosen not to have any children. I think they are missing out big time.

I've had a rough time sleeping this week, finding it hard to get comfortable for more than a few minutes at a time. So, it's been a bit of a sleepy week for me. But, the queasy feeling I've had since we learned you were with us is starting to subside, and my appetite seems is returning. I ate an enormous burger for lunch on Friday!

The biggest moment of my week was probably yesterday, when I decided to take a spin through Babies 'R Us, a store where we will probably make many purchases as we prepare for your arrival. When I got there, there was a free spot with a sign that said "Reserved for Expectant Mothers." I thought to myself, hey, that's me! So I parked there. A nice little perk.

I did get what I thought was the last coat of paint on the dressing table today too. Unfortunately, I was experimenting a little, and the top did not come out the way I had hoped. I was a little frustrated that I'm not done yet, and I will now have to find a way to fox it. But Violetta, creativity is a process, and you won't always get it right the first time. I hope this is a lesson you will learn more easily than your Mom.

Ooh, and I almost forgot to mention that after years of me trying to convince your Dad, we finally hired a cleaning service. We have two cats, who you will meet someday, and I was loosing the battle with their hair. I'm also very excited to know we'll have regularly clean floors for you to learn to crawl around on, and I won't have to be the one to do it. It's a wonderful luxury I hope we can manage for awhile!

Today, my sweet little one, you are about the size of a plum, which are sweet as well, when they are ripe! You've been busy growing big and strong, and hopefully we will get to see you moving around a little bit tomorrow. I'm counting the minutes as always.

Pictures have been added to the eleven week post.