Whew!

Wow, this has been quite a week. I started my maternity leave this week, a week earlier than planned, and it's a really good thing. It's already Thursday, and I've had 7 separate medical appointments this week. I would be a raving lunatic by now if I had been trying to wrap up my work obligations in between them all.

Now, I know you're all dying to know what all these appointments were, right?

Monday:
- Maternal Fetal Medicine at my hospital for my weekly Non-Stress Test
- Gestational Diabetes Clinic at my hospital to check in with the nurse on diet and blood sugar levels

Tuesday:
- 37 week appointment with my OB at my hospital

Wednesday:
- U/S at Children's hospital in Boston in the Advanced Fetal Care Unit where I was referred to look at some extra fluid that was picked up last week in Luigi's left kidney.
- Consultation with the pediatric urologist at Children's

Thursday:
- Maternal Fetal Medicine at my hospital for a Bio Physical Profile and a measurement which will be used to determine everything. More on that in a minute...
- Check in with my primary care to get a refill on my prescription for my thyroid medication. She insists upon seeing me, even though multiple medical professionals have been monitoring my levels over the past 8 months. I guess I get it. I thought about asking the Endo I see at the diabetes clinic to refill it, but thought I would be breaking some sort of protocol. Today, she asked me why he didn't refill it for me! Oh well, not like I have that much better to do then spend my afternoon in a doctor's office, right?!

As for the kidney thing, in case anyone else comes across this issue, it's called hydronephrosis, it is a very common diagnosis, and is more common in boys. It often resolves on it's own, but is a sign that Luigi might end up with a kidney or urinary tract infection as an infant. The reason they like to follow up on this issue is that a kidney infection in an infant presents exactly like meningitis, which merits an extensive battery of testing, which would perhaps not be the first thing they would start if they are aware of the potential for kidney issues. Luigi's was found to be very mild, and no further treatment is recommended at this point. We need to take him in for an ultrasound when he's four weeks old to follow up. So, we're not going to worry about that right now. So, the whole thing was just a hassle that bought be 6 hours at the hospital yesterday. But, the bonus was that I got a few really good 3D ultrasound photos of our sweet Luigi's face.

OK, now back to the measurements today. Thankfully, Luigi measured about 8 lbs. today, which is in the 85th percentile, as opposed to the 7.5 lbs./99th percentile they got 2.5 weeks ago. Interestingly enough, Children's yesterday was closer to 7 lbs. Just goes to show how inaccurate these things can be, and that they are truly just an estimate. Anyway, we are in a gray area, approaching the 4500 grams (approximately 10 lbs.) which is the cut off suggested for a gestational diabetic to have a c-section. But, we're not over yet! The MFM today took many measurements of Luigi's belly and the highest weight she got was 4100 grams. She seems to think there is hope for trying a vaginal delivery and wasn't pushing me right towards a scheduled surgery like was suggested a few weeks ago. There is still risk of shoulder dystoscia, which frankly, sounds horrifying, but she put it at less than 10%. She herself was told her baby would be 9 lbs., but was able to deliver normally a 7 lb. baby, and said she would have been very disappointed had she gone right for the surgery. She also said that a lot will depend on my OB's examination of my pelvis to get a sense of the wiggle room I have available. I have mentioned that I've always had wide hips, right? I'm feeling more hopeful at the moment. Of course, if he doesn't decide to come on his own, and I get induced, the chance of it ended up in a c-section is still about 40%. And a c-section after a tough labor is sort of the worst of all possible scenarios. So, I'm thinking that in the next few days, we need start to work on encouraging Luigi to make his entrance a little bit early!

I feel like there was more in my head that I wanted to write about, but that's a brain at 37 weeks pregnant for you. Whatever the thought was is gone by now. I will share a few of the 3D images once I scan them in. I got even more at today's u/s. Is that crazy by the way, two days in a row? My goodness.

Thirty Seven Weeks

Little Luigi, my little watermelon (yes, I know, I said I was giving up on the fruit, but a watermelon is very relatable, and your Daddy loves them), this week marked my last day of work until sometime next spring. I can't deny, carrying around a watermelon in my belly has gotten a bit tiring. Not to mention that sleep is getting harder and harder to come by. I was very tired this week, and decided to depart work a week earlier than planned. Thursday morning, when I got to the hospital for a check up, I went to lock the car, and clip my keys to my purse, which I have started to do so I don't constantly loose them in the bottom of my bag. The funny thing was, I had keys in my hand, but there were also a set of keys already attached to my bag. Yup. I did it. I left the house with Daddy's keys. That was my sign. It was time to stop going, and give myself some time to rest.

Luckily, before I left work, my coworkers threw me a lovely shower complete with a guess what candy bar is in the dirty diaper game, as well as a calendar so they can all guess when you will arrive. They also suggested a few names for you. A few favorites were Julius, Barack and Harry, so you're initials would be HI. My best friend at work, J, found a great purple onesie for you that says "handsome fella." Another friend got you a onesie that says "When I grow up, I want to be a zombie," complete with a bloody hand print. When Daddy starts to tell you all about the zombie apocalypse, you will realize just how perfect this was. The whole gang gave gift card to Baby Gap so I can buy some more adorable and impractical outfits for you! Be prepared kiddo, you are probably going to have to suffer through a lot of photo shoots in your life, and I need to make sure have cute things to wear.

Daddy is getting really excited for your arrival. He's been reading "What to Expect in the First Year, and has started watching a whole bunch of sitcoms with baby story lines. It's really sweet to watch. We did a little marathon of the show "Up All Night" from last season, over the weekend. It's quite funny. And I have a feeling that your parents are going to be just about as uncool as the characters on the show. Hopefully we won't embarrass you too much!

Thirty Six Weeks

Hi little man. We are getting so close now to finally meeting you. It won't be too much longer than three weeks at this point. Wow! That's incredibly crazy. I have 1-2 weeks of work left to finish up before I take off to relax a bit before you get here.

You seem to have shifted positions this past week, moving lower into my belly as evidenced by some stretch marks that appeared across my belly, quite literally over night. And here, I'd thought I might get away without them! Don't worry, I promise not to hold them against you! I knew something was going on that day, as you were a wiggle worm literally all day long.

Daddy got a surprise at work this week. His coworkers threw a surprise shower for him, and another Dad to be. The gave you endless amounts of toys, which are perfect for things that you and Daddy will do together some day. You won't be ready for quite a few of them for a few years at least, but it's exciting to already have a stash of great things for you to play with. It made me so happy for Daddy that his coworkers were so kind and generous and as excited for your arrival as we both are. He was so excited, he texted me "Best Shower Ever."

Well, my not so little piece of miscellaneous fruit, I think I'm going to give up on the fruit thing. It's clear at this point that you are likely to be a larger than average baby. Because of this, it is beginning to look like your birth is not going to happen as I would have imagined. Then again, not much about my path to you has gone as I originally envisioned, right down to silly little things like where I thought I'd put your dresser, or how to orient the carpet in your room. But. I've got time to adjust my expectations and be prepared no matter what. All that matters is that you get here in the safest way for both of us. I guess the lesson here, to summarize a great classic rock song, is that you can't always get what you want, but you just might find you get what you need....which at this point is quite simply, you!

Luigi's Nursery

The long awaited nursery reveal is here! I spent the morning making the room look photo shoot worthy. It will probably never look this way again, but at least I will always have it documented, right? So, without further ado...welcome Luigi's room! If you are curious about where things came from, there is a resource list at the bottom end.

This is the view you see from the hallway. 

Once you get to the doorway, you can see a little bit more. 

I'm really happy with the way my scrapbook paper animal faces came out. At some point, I would like to add more art on the other wall above the crib, preferably something with words/letters. But, I think that can wait for now. 

When you turn around, and look behind you, you can see the big wall of stripes. 

I'm sure the objects on the floating shelves will be constantly changing. 

Here's the crib from the closet wall. 

From the far window, looking back toward the closet, you get a good view of the rocking chair and the dresser. 

We created animal face artwork to compliment the colors of the stripes, and the subtle zoo animal there. 

Zoo mobile

Cuddly Courdy Roy the Horse, sits on the rocking chair and adds an extra splash of purple. 

Yes, I even bought coordinating cloth diapers. 

Luigi's first Matchbox car, a purple pickup truck selected by his cousins H & L. 

Cool wooden race cars from my friend T who is expecting a boy in January. I think Luigi will be playing with these much before we let him touch the purple pick-up. 

Toy/Book shelf, stocked up and ready to go with so many wonderful and generous gifts from family and friends. 

Really cool robot piggy bank, a gift from Granny's friend. 

Resource List:

• Dresser - my old dresser, painted in the same colors as the stripe wall
• Eiffel Tower Lamp - have had it for awhile, it will probably be replaced eventually when we find something different. I think Target still carries this in black. 
• Rocking Chair - found in my Gram's house years ago, and painstakingly painted and reconstructed to get rid of the horsehair and hay cushions. Amateur no-sew upholstery in Boca Pacific. 
• Blackout Curtains - found at many online retailers, can't quite remember who I actually bought the from. 
• Ottoman - from Target
• Carpet Tiles - FLOR, Feeling Groovy in Lime, Sky and Iris. 
• Crib - Babyletto Hudson
• Changing Table - IKEA Gulliver
• Toy/Book Shelf - IKEA EXPEDIT, in high gloss white. Can be used vertically someday as well, if need be. 
• Wall Shelves - IKEA LACK in high gloss white. 
• Mobile - Nojo Jungle Tales
• Bedding & Changing Pad Cover - Morning Zoo from Land of Nod.
• Striped Pillow in Crib - IKEA VLABORG
• Lamp on book shelf - IKEA VIDJA
• Paint - Sherwin Williams:
• Main Walls - Cay
• Stripes - Secure Blue, Lime Rickey, Aquarium & Genetian

Thirty Five Weeks

Luigi, my little honey dew, in my mind cantaloupes are bigger than honey dews, but not according to all of my baby apps. But, I digress. You are growing nice and big for sure, preparing to make your entry into this world in five weeks, or perhaps less. I have a feeling it won't be more!

Last week was a busy one. We had Monday off for the holiday weekend, and then spent the next two nights in various classes preparing for your arrival. We learned all about how to feed you. I hope we'll make a good team when it comes to that. The weekend was spent again in a mix of relaxing and house projects. I dragged Daddy to the beach one last time. He wanted to visit the beach he used to go to as a kid, which I have been reluctant to try because I've never been able to get in the water deeper than my knees at any New England beach above Cape Cod. The water is just much too cold for a girl who grew up with a heated pool in her back yard. I usually drag him down to the south coast of MA, which he will insist is Rhode Island. But trust me, there is a south coast which is not on the Cape. In any case, Nantasket Beach was beautiful, and closer to home than Horseneck. But, I was right, the water was way too cold for me...at least in early September! But, the beach is long, and flat and goes way out at low tide, so it could be a very fun place to bring you to build sandcastles. And we really enjoyed sitting in out low chairs and letting the water drift up around our legs and ankles for a few hours. It was quite lovely, even if I didn't make it all the way into the water.

On Sunday, Daddy had an outdoor day, putting finishing touches on the shed under the deck and repairing a few windows. The shed is almost ready for him to fill it up with stuff taking over the garage so that I can finally park my car in there again, and we will be able to get you into the car without having to go outside when it is cold. I spent most of the day working on your room, opening up gear, putting away clothes, doing more laundry, and creating some art to hang on your walls. I hope you like zoo animals little man. I don't think you have much choice at this point!

In case I haven't mentioned it before, since I've gotten so terrible at posting photos with my weekly updates, I created a page for to put all the bump shots in one place. It's kind of fun to see the progression all at once, if you're interested. 

7lbs. 8oz.

This sounds like the perfect size for a newborn, doesn't it? Unfortunately, this does not sound like the perfect size for my little Luigi at 35 weeks 2 days gestation. The estimate of his size has gone up 1.5 pounds in two weeks. When the doctor came in after the tech was done, she said "Well, you're baby is clearly measuring large..." She then went on to ask how big I was. I told her in the high 8s, my brother in the 9s, and his son nearly 9. She acknowledged that I clearly have a family history of big babies. She said that if I didn't have GD, no one would care about the size of my baby. She herself had a 9 lb. 10 oz. baby. She said that it's very possible that I have a great pelvis (I've always had wide hips) and could easily give birth to a big baby. But unfortunately, because Luigi's stomach is big, he's big in general, and I have GD, it's looking unlikely that they will give me the chance. The fear with big bellied babies is of shoulder dystocia. His head will make it out, but perhaps his shoulders will get stuck, which leads to all sorts of awful things. 

So, I asked when do we seriously have that conversation? The conversation that is inevitably going to schedule me for a c-section? She said that we'll have a better idea of his size at 37 weeks. I'm due for another ultrasound at 36.5 weeks and 37.5 weeks. I guess I have to wait another week or two. 

But I don't have a good feeling about it. 

And it makes me really sad. 

Of course, I want to get Luigi out safe and sound. That's really what matters most. But so much of this process has been full of medical intervention. Is it wrong that I want to go into labor? That I want to spend hours at home with Hubby with an aching back bouncing on a yoga ball before we finally go leave for the hospital filled with anticipation? I mean, I've always intended to have an epidural. I have plenty of friends who would tell me that a scheduled c-section would be the way to go. But I can bet they didn't have to go through three rounds of IVF to get their child. I can bet that they weren't lying in a sterile operating room with bright lights in their face and their legs in stirrups when their pregnancy began. I so don't want that to be my experience. And I also really don't want to deal with the recovery. Although, What to Expect pointed out that with a c-section, it's much easier to sit after delivery than some one who delivered naturally and might have had an episiotomy or a tear. 

I want to hold my baby right away. I want to feel him skin-to-skin, trying to nurse. I don't want to have to wait. I don't want to be in a drugged up stupor (well, aside from an epidural of course, but their are pain meds for the recovery period.) 

I just want to feel like a normal pregnant woman/new mother. Is it really too much to ask?

I had to go to the GD clinic after my ultrasound today, and I totally started crying on the poor dietitian. I felt bad. But there's just so much pent up emotion. There is fear of Luigi being OK, fear of major abdominal surgery. I want to be able to pick up my child right away! Grrrrrr.

OK, I feel like I've had a lot of venting posts lately. But I do have some fun things I want to share. I've had two lovely showers that I want to write about. And of course, there is the nursery, which is almost ready for it's close-up...almost. I need to have if perfect before I take real photos because I know it will probably only look that way for the few minutes that I take the shots! But I need to have all the hard work documented before it falls into chaos. 

So, in the meantime, to try to end a post in a positive light that isn't just a weekly letter to Luigi, and to cheer myself up a bit, I snapped a few quick sneak peaks at some of the details...colors are not acutely depicted here since I used Hipstamatic to take these shots. But, they are intended to be a sneak peak after all...

Book shelf with mood light.

Crib

Zoo animal art project in the works.

Completed rocking chair with carpet tiles in place.

The dresser we painted.

Shelf decor on the stripe wall. (The matchbox pick-up truck is purple!)

I promise, promise, promise to reveal the completed room soon. Maybe even this weekend. 

Thirty Four Weeks

We got to see you again this past week, little man! We were hoping to get a cool 3D image of your face, but you refused to look directly at the camera. So, instead, we got a shadowy traditional view of a bit of your face and a 3D picture of your cute little foot! We learned that you appear to be keeping up with my family tradition and are already a good sized baby. Because of this, we are preparing for the possibility that you just might arrive a few days before you are due.

I started washing all your fun clothes and blankets, and have barely made a dent. Daddy started opening and assembling some of you gear, including the car seat and stroller frame that it attaches to. He even put a teddy bear in the seat to make sure he could figure out all the various straps and buckles. Our major project of the weekend was finishing up our restoration of the antique rocking chair that came from your great-grandparents house many years ago. Your Great-Gram was an antiques dealer, and there were many treasures to be found in her house. I claimed this chair way back, thinking it would be a perfect nursery rocker someday. Little did I know just how much work it would require, since we took out the original horse hair and hay stuffing and rebuilt the cushions with modern upholstery foam. I'm pretty proud of the way it came out, considering that we're amateurs, and I didn't sew anything!

This weekend was the last official weekend of summer. Daddy and I had a great mix of relaxing, preparing for you, running errands, and hanging out with friends and family. We've had such a busy summer with house projects, that even though we still have a ton to do to get ready for you, we are tying to slow down the pace a little so we are relaxed and refreshed when you arrive. We grabbed subs for lunch on Saturday and headed to a near by park on a big hill with great views of Boston. I think you will really love going their for picnics someday, running around among all the pine trees, and hiking some of the small easy trails. You would hardly know it's a stone's throw from the highway.

Well, my darling cantaloupe, it won't be long now. Just about a month to go until you'll be here. I'm getting really excited to meet you!

Miscellaneous Rambles

I've had so many starts of posts floating around in my head, but can't seem to find the time/energy/motivation to get them out. So, I'm going to brain dump a bit in the form of bullet points. I'm waiting for my server at work to come online, so it seems like a perfectly legit time to thought vomit, right?

• We've started our child birth class. Tonight is the third meeting of 5. We're taking the "prepared childbirth" version as opposed to "natural childbirth." Which means we are all there to learn about epidurals. Which she hasn't spoken about yet. Which became comical at the end of last class when everyone started asking about them. But at the first class, she asked us all to go around an introduce ourselves and mention something we would like to get out of our birth experience, aside from healthy baby, healthy mom. My mind went blank. That entire first class was so surreal I wasn't coping well. I looked at all the labor/birthing positions, largely with women squatting or kneeling, and thought about my bad knees and how hard it is for me to get up and down of the floor. And I felt very overwhelmed. This is when I realized that...
• I need to think about Gestational Diabetes at 13 unique times throughout the day. It's overwhelming. And as much as I have struggled with living in the moment instead of worrying about the future, these 13 moments a day are not the moments I need to live in. But I am. And it's interfering with my ability to visualize what labor/delivery and the first few weeks with baby will be like. It's completely stifling. In case you are curious, those moments are: 
1. test fasting sugar. 
2. test morning urine for ketones. 
3. take insulin. 
4. eat breakfast. 
5. test post breakfast sugar. 
6. eat mid-morning snack
7. eat lunch
8. test post-lunch sugar
9. eat afternoon snack
10. eat dinner
11. test post dinner sugar
12. eat bedtime snack
13. take insulin
14. and actually, I'm now supposed to drink a glass of milk in the middle of the night when I get up to pee to ward off my low levels of ketones (which are still debatable as to how worrisome they are) which I haven't been because who wants to wake up enough to go all the way down the stairs and actually drink something when you have to pee every hour as it is?!
• After the realization of how all consuming the GD has been, I was able to step back and realize that what I want out of my birth experience is intimacy. There were at least 5 extra people in the room when I became PUPO. I know that giving birth in the hospital requires the presence of medical professionals. But I can try to keep the labor more intimate by staying home as long as possible before going to the hospital. And, by requesting that our family does not show up at the hospital until after Luigi has actually entered the world. This is not an issue with my family. My mom lives 3 hours away, and will need time to travel out our way. She might even need a day or two to organize her teaching responsibilities for a substitute. She is fine with meeting her grandson when he is a few days old. My MIL on the other hand, the grandmother of a dead baby (is it awful that I'm really tired of being reminded of that), well, from what I gather, was a bit devastated that I didn't want her there...before the birth! I'm sorry, I don't need her sitting by my side while I'm in labor. I don't plan on being a hostess in that state. But I never said she couldn't come to the hospital after he's here to meet him. 
• This comment opened a whole can of worms about how she wants to help after the baby is here, how much help I believe she is capable of giving, and how we three as a family ultimately need time to bond before hubby goes back to work after taking two weeks off. She did not breastfeed. No one did in the late 60s. So, granted, her perception of what the first few weeks of an infant's life might be like are obviously going to be different than mine. I would love to have family come over to cook, clean, do laundry and hold the baby briefly while I grab a quick shower between feedings, and then to mostly leave us alone so we can bond as a family of three. She would like to come over to hold the baby all day so that I can go out and run errands. Somehow, I have a feeling that the errand running isn't going to happen for a few months. And unfortunately, due to her bad knees, she's not really capable, and I would feel badly asking, for her to take on chores. But lets not forget the fact that many babies, while they love to be held, prefer to be in some kind of motion while being held. Sitting on the couch holding the baby just isn't going to cut it. I think Hubby expressed some of these opposing expectations to her to prepare her for the experience I'm envisioning being different than her expectations. Which prompted a very bizarre choice
• She scheduled her first knee replacement surgery for 4 days before my due date. This struck me as a very odd decision for someone who is beyond excited to meet her "first" grandson. I had to make it clear to hubby that when I get home from the hospital, I don't plan on leaving the house for at least two weeks. Who knows? Could be more. And that Luigi is certainly not going to a different hospital to visit his grandmother. So, if that's when she wants her surgery, she needed to be aware that it might significantly delay their meeting. I was also a bit pissed off that my poor Hubby would have to worry about his mom's surgery at the same time that he should be solely focused on his son. Something about that just doesn't seem fair to him. And it felt a little bit like some weird payback for me not wanting her at the hospital during my labor. But I don't even want my own mother there while I'm in labor! To be fair, she has been getting pressure from a lot of people to get this taken care of as soon as possible, which I am on board with. I just want it clear that I'm not schlepping my newborn all over creation into hospitals that are not necessary for him to visit within the first few weeks of his life. I should also mention that she was missing a valuable piece of information, since we have not told her about my GD (for fear of her entire family becoming overly involved) which is that...
• My "baby is HUGE," which is what the MFM entered the room exclaiming after last week's bio physical profile. At 33w2d h measured 6 lbs. All the info I have said in the 4s is where he should be. So, awesome. My extra sugar is effecting him. Makes me feel like an awesome mama. At a half a pound a week gain until the end, he's heading toward 9.5 lbs. Ultimately, this means that they will likely recommend induction at 39 weeks. Of course, 39 weeks hits officially the Saturday of Columbus Day weekend, so I'm curious to see how that might affect their recommendations. (Have I mentioned that in one of life's great ironies, I'm convinced he will be born on 10/8, actual Columbus Day, and my estranged father's birthday?) Will they try to make it happen earlier, or let him go longer toward 40 weeks, and risk getting more sugar so they aren't dealing with my induction over a long holiday weekend. I guess time will tell. What I have to keep reminding myself of is the fact that at 5 days early, I myself was 8lbs 8oz. My brother, while a week and a half late, was 9lbs 9oz, and his son, born perfectly on time, was 8lbs 14oz. Big babies run in my family. I have always expected to have a baby close to 9lbs, irregardless of the effects of GD. So I have to try not to freak out too much. 
• But I'm afraid of induction. I plan on an epidural anyway, so that helps with the fact that induced labors are often more difficult, but an induction will largely happen in the hospital, and will interfere with the intimate pre-hospital home experience between me and Hubby. And way too many of them end in C-sections. And I really don't want a C-section. I don't want to deal with the recovery from that. I don't want to miss out on initial hospital bonding with my son because I am being sewn back up. I just want to feel like a normal, practical, epidural seeking new mom! Is that too much to ask after all that I've been through to get to this point?
• MIL ultimately decided to delay her surgery for two weeks after Hubby told her that due to my family history, the baby won't be late, but more likely early. This way, she'll get a week or two to visit a few times before she's out of commission. And we'll time after the initial week home to get into a groove before we have to be obligated to other family. I'm hoping to have my own mom come to help out just before and after Hubby goes back to work, after two weeks. Of course, I want her to come out for a few days right away too if she can. She's very agreeable to whatever we need, although she did remind me that if I end up with a C-section, I'll probably want her there immediately. 
• I'm afraid that breastfeeding won't work. I'm convinced I have flat nipples and Luigi won't be able to make them work. I'm taking a class tomorrow night, so hopefully I will learn so good tips on how to cope. 
• I feel like a bad mother because I haven't really read any books about birth, breastfeeding or newborn care. (I still have a few weeks...any must-read suggestions are most welcome...) And because I completely dropped the ball on the search for daycare because I got too overwhelmed by the GD tedium. And because I haven't made Luigi's blanket yet. Even though I rebuilt a rocking chair essentially from scratch and created a kick-ass nursery. I'm still harping on the blanket. I'm still determined to at least get the fabric laid out before he gets here. It's going to be a patchwork flannel quilt. It will take awhile to plan out the pattern from all the fabric scraps I've been saving for years. 
• Despite the myriad of thoughts, and great need to vent that has been floating around in my head for a few weeks, Hubby and I had an awesome Labor Day weekend. It was a good mix of productivity, relaxing, couple time, and friends and family time. It felt good to finally slow down a bit instead of feeling like we're on a marathon sprint to prepare for Luigi's arrival. I want to enjoy these last few weeks as much as I can. 
• I think this is long enough for a miscellaneous ramble. Thank you for reading.