7lbs. 8oz.

This sounds like the perfect size for a newborn, doesn't it? Unfortunately, this does not sound like the perfect size for my little Luigi at 35 weeks 2 days gestation. The estimate of his size has gone up 1.5 pounds in two weeks. When the doctor came in after the tech was done, she said "Well, you're baby is clearly measuring large..." She then went on to ask how big I was. I told her in the high 8s, my brother in the 9s, and his son nearly 9. She acknowledged that I clearly have a family history of big babies. She said that if I didn't have GD, no one would care about the size of my baby. She herself had a 9 lb. 10 oz. baby. She said that it's very possible that I have a great pelvis (I've always had wide hips) and could easily give birth to a big baby. But unfortunately, because Luigi's stomach is big, he's big in general, and I have GD, it's looking unlikely that they will give me the chance. The fear with big bellied babies is of shoulder dystocia. His head will make it out, but perhaps his shoulders will get stuck, which leads to all sorts of awful things. 

So, I asked when do we seriously have that conversation? The conversation that is inevitably going to schedule me for a c-section? She said that we'll have a better idea of his size at 37 weeks. I'm due for another ultrasound at 36.5 weeks and 37.5 weeks. I guess I have to wait another week or two. 

But I don't have a good feeling about it. 

And it makes me really sad. 

Of course, I want to get Luigi out safe and sound. That's really what matters most. But so much of this process has been full of medical intervention. Is it wrong that I want to go into labor? That I want to spend hours at home with Hubby with an aching back bouncing on a yoga ball before we finally go leave for the hospital filled with anticipation? I mean, I've always intended to have an epidural. I have plenty of friends who would tell me that a scheduled c-section would be the way to go. But I can bet they didn't have to go through three rounds of IVF to get their child. I can bet that they weren't lying in a sterile operating room with bright lights in their face and their legs in stirrups when their pregnancy began. I so don't want that to be my experience. And I also really don't want to deal with the recovery. Although, What to Expect pointed out that with a c-section, it's much easier to sit after delivery than some one who delivered naturally and might have had an episiotomy or a tear. 

I want to hold my baby right away. I want to feel him skin-to-skin, trying to nurse. I don't want to have to wait. I don't want to be in a drugged up stupor (well, aside from an epidural of course, but their are pain meds for the recovery period.) 

I just want to feel like a normal pregnant woman/new mother. Is it really too much to ask?

I had to go to the GD clinic after my ultrasound today, and I totally started crying on the poor dietitian. I felt bad. But there's just so much pent up emotion. There is fear of Luigi being OK, fear of major abdominal surgery. I want to be able to pick up my child right away! Grrrrrr.

OK, I feel like I've had a lot of venting posts lately. But I do have some fun things I want to share. I've had two lovely showers that I want to write about. And of course, there is the nursery, which is almost ready for it's close-up...almost. I need to have if perfect before I take real photos because I know it will probably only look that way for the few minutes that I take the shots! But I need to have all the hard work documented before it falls into chaos. 

So, in the meantime, to try to end a post in a positive light that isn't just a weekly letter to Luigi, and to cheer myself up a bit, I snapped a few quick sneak peaks at some of the details...colors are not acutely depicted here since I used Hipstamatic to take these shots. But, they are intended to be a sneak peak after all...

Book shelf with mood light.

Crib

Zoo animal art project in the works.

Completed rocking chair with carpet tiles in place.

The dresser we painted.

Shelf decor on the stripe wall. (The matchbox pick-up truck is purple!)

I promise, promise, promise to reveal the completed room soon. Maybe even this weekend.