Ups and Downs

I'm feeling all over the place these days. Which is to be expected, I guess. (see, self-compassion, recognizing that mood swings are normal given what I've just been through).

I could probably use another really good cry. I've definitely welled up a time or two, but haven't really let loose, not even with my therapist today. I did have a toddler like near melt-down while out shopping on Sunday with Hubby.

The day started off quite nicely. We went for a nice walk in the morning, and then headed out to run some errands and see the recently filmed broadway production of Company that has a limited run in movie theaters. We were pretty much ignoring the fact that it was Father's Day seeing as neither one of are currently on speaking terms with our dads.

Unfortunately, when we got to the ticket window, it was sold out! Who would have thought. So, we decided to continue on with our errands, and if we finished early enough, we'd be able to surprise Hubby's mom and grandparents who were in fact together for Father's Day.

We had a nice time walking around, each getting a new pair of shoes. Life was good. Until we went to DSW to look for one last pair of shoes I had on my list. I couldn't find anything I wanted. I got disappointed, as I often do, when things don't go according to the vision I had in my head. And my mood crashed. Coincidentally, it was around 2:30, and I needed a snack, which we got. It helped some, but my mood never quite recovered. It was frustrating that I did in fact get one great new pair of shoes, that I needed, and let the fact that I couldn't find the cute flat black sandals I had in my head ruin my day.

I realized that over the past few years, shopping has lost it's joy for me. I used to be able to go for hours, with never a shortage of items to buy. Sometime after I hit 30, my body changed, I've never been able to find a go to store, and shopping became tiring and frustrating. When I go now, I'll try on dozens of shirts, to find one or two things to take home, if I'm lucky. I never would have dreamed it in my mid-20s, when my closet was filled with Gap and Express, that my wardrobe would be largely now made up of t-shirts from Land's End. Hardly what one imagines a hip interior designer wearing to work.

Shoes on the other hand, are usually not a problem. Although, they have started to be in the past year. I never thought I'd rather buy stuff online than spend a day at the mall, but here I am!

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Hubby came home in the middle of me writing this last night, and I sort of lost where I was going with it, so I'm just going to post it.