Losing It

5dpd3t

I am going slowly crazy! (and my head is full of random thoughts!)

First of all, I have been completely exhausted since transfer. My mood held up for a few days though. I've been feeling warm, but not headachy. Everyone warned of constipation. I am experiencing the opposite. Which I suppose, I would rather deal with. People talk about the mess that is crinone. I haven't had a drip. It makes me paranoid that I'm not doing it right or something (thoughts?)

Tuesday night, I started to feel some pinchy twinges. Yesterday, was more crampy. Today, my uterus definitely feels like it is doing something. I have this weird stretchy, heavy feeling, low in my pelvis. Of course, my boobs hurt, but I know that's just the progesterone.

Wednesday, I was so tired, I just did not want to get out of bed. I should have just stayed there. I almost forgot deodorant (it was in the 90s yesterday!) and rushed back in the house to put it on. My coworkers thought I was insane all day. I kept saying crazy things that made no sense. I feel like I have my fuse is so short, I could go at any moment. It could be screams, tears, or laughs, and I wouldn't be able to give you any warning.

Last night, I had crazy dreams, largely centered around finding an ideal bathroom in which to pee, but never being successful, and woke up drenched in sweat (my first experience with night sweats during IVF) and of course, having to dash for the toilet. Does that ever happen to anyone else? When I really have to pee in the middle of the night, I often dream that I am wandering through some enormous shopping mall trying to find the restroom, and when I finally do, all the toilets are dirty, or clogged, and I can't find a place to actually pee. When I finally become aware of the dream, I know I had better wake myself up really fast, cause if I actually get to pee in the dream, it's not going to be good!

I haven't remembered a lot of my dreams lately, so it was really notable that this dream was so vivid. It also involved floating down a river with a bunch of friends, chatting with a high school friend on my iPhone until the battery died. We stopped at a shopping mall (where I was looking for the bathroom). When I went outside, I realized I was in Paris. I got so excited, I went running around to take pictures, and then couldn't find my way back to Hubby and our friends. I had to speak in French (which I really can't do) to have him paged. When I found him again, I made everyone go outside and look around Paris, where there was this bizarre installation of paper models of different sights of the city that we large enough to walk inside. They kept changing planes, shifting, disappearing, reappearing. It was really trippy.

When I woke up around 4am after the dream, I didn't get much more great sleep. Today, I ended up being more cranky than loopy. I've got some crazy deadlines at work, and have been spending more time sitting in meetings talking about all the work that has to be done as opposed to doing the darn work.

I have to get through one more week until beta. I am trying not to read into any of the symptoms I'm having, more so just document them at this point. So much of what I am feeling, I have felt before, when it hasn't worked out. There is just no telling. So darn frustrating.

At least, tomorrow is Friday, and I will hopefully get a little bit of down time over the weekend. And, I'm also having a fantastic time watching my favorite summer show tonight. SYTYCD. I just LOVE it.

So, yes, that was random, but as I said, I am slowly loosing my mind.