What's that they say about an object at rest remaining at rest unless acted upon by an outside force?
I am so fried from work, I cannot find the motivation to do anything interesting with my evening. I watched my favorite SYTYCD and now that it's over, I might as well just go to bed. Hubby is out at a public hearing. I'm waiting for him to get home to hopefully see him before I fall asleep. But, I'm mostly just staring aimlessly at walls.
Sure, there's stuff I could do around the house. There's a dishwasher to unload, laundry to put away, clutter to pick up since we are having friends over for a BBQ on Saturday.
But...
I am tired. I am achy (deadlines always give me neck, back and wrist aches). I am impatient for my next cycle...but I still have just over two weeks of BCPs left before this show really gets started. I am bored. I am sad. I am scared. I am cranky. I am unmotivated. And I just don't feel like doing anything.
Which pisses me off. Because I feel like I'm wasting perfectly good time out of my life. And I'm really sick of feeling like I'm missing out on my own life...whether it be to work or to IF. (any ideas on how to become independently wealthy? I have a feeling that coud solve both of those issue!) I could read a book or magazine. I could learn the dances for national dance day. I could start working on the photo book I said I would make for little bro and SIL of Lady C. I could email my friends and update them on IVF#2. I could call my mom. I could do SOMETHING.
But doing something requires an outside force...cause that force just isn't going to come from within this object at rest.
Not tonight at least.
Oh I have so been there more often than not, lol. Maybe you just need a little bit "do nothing" time. Funny how we women always think we have to do "something" all of the time.
ReplyDeleteI agree...there's nothing wrong with just waiting until you're ready. Forcing yourself into action might cause more stress. Maybe start with a walk. Getting outside always gives me more energy and some perspective. Take care, and don't feel guilty for listening to your body!
ReplyDeleteIt's perfectly ok to do "nothing" and let your mind rest. You've had a ton going on lately and if you don't want to do anything- I say veg out!!
ReplyDeletejust rest..sometimes we need it more than we know. We are all bombarded with constant stimulation throughout the day, sometimes we need a break!
ReplyDeleterest and waiting is good, but i'm just going to play a little bit of devil's advocate here.
ReplyDeletesometimes giving yourself permission to have a night or a week "off" is just the ticket. but i always have to watch myself...those "off" nights add up and then i look around and realize i'm in the middle of a full fledged depressive episode. (which is a me-thing, I know) i just think it's important to keep an eye out for yourself to see if something is becoming a pattern that could signal you need to make a change...or if it really is just taking a short break from the stressful stuff to rejuvenate.
Oh, I definitely know I need a break. I think it will finally come during my IVF bed rest, and maybe an extra long labor day weekend.
ReplyDeleteBeth, you make an excellent point though. I think that's why I get so frustrated. Even though I've been working on self-compassion, and letting myself feel what I need to feel, it is a slippery slope into slump that is much harder to dig out of. My husband and I both struggle constantly with this issue.
You and me both :( It doesn't help that it is a dark, grey, moody day here. All I want to do is curl up with a good book or take a nap. Unfortunately, I have a ton of stuff I have to do (always) and my hubby has invited a friend of his over to see the house tomorrow. That means I have to at least clean the bathrooms of all the needle wrappers, patches, and other IF junk.
ReplyDeleteResting is okay. And I totally get the feeling that you're missing out on your own life. I spent my entire twenties TTC, and I'm determined not to waste my entire 30's on the same thing.
ReplyDeleteEventually, the holding pattern has to break. Sending you much love and peace until it does.
Hugs,
Jo
Gosh I remember that like it was yesterday. I am tired for a new reason now, but before IF just took it right out of me. I fell into slumps and didn't see people or doing anything productive. Just make a plan when you are ready and find a way to bring back the 'happy' in your life. Make and find reasons to do things you love and pamper yourself. Even if that means leaving work early or calling in sick.
ReplyDeleteYou need to make yourself a priority.
It worked off and on for me. Hopefully you'll get there too.
Good luck dear.