Thoughts on BFP Blogs

It seems that a lot of people have been thinking about what to write after their BFP, or whether or not to keep reading after other's BFPs. I thought I might share my perspective on the whole thing. This might not come out as the most organized thought process, but what the heck.

First off, I think it may have been Mel at Stirrup Queens who said that in order to have a good blog, you have to need your space. I find to be very true. If you need to vent about the stresses, laugh about the oddities, ask questions about the process...most likely you are writing something that other people will want to read. Even after a BFP.

Clearly, some people don't need their blog anymore, and they stop writing. Others mostly turn it into a pregnancy journal. (Which I happen to think is a great idea. A blog is a journal, why not use it for whatever you are journaling about...but it is true that it might not be the most appealing way to maintain readership in the IF community). Some people do the pregnancy journal, and still continue to share the fears and stresses of pregnancy after IF, and other things that are going on in their lives. And many, no matter what they are writing about, keep giving unending support to those of us who are still waiting to get off the island.

My basic opinion is this: First and foremost, a blog is a personal journal, and people should write about whatever is personal to them, and not worry about being criticized for it. It may or may not be something everyone wants to read, but who cares, it's for you!

For me, I'm writing first because I need to get it out. Yes, the comments and the followers are amazing, and I'm so grateful for this community. But the reality is, as I read somewhere on one of your blogs...infertile women make the worst support for infertile women. Because inevitably some of us make it out. I think this is unfortunately, true, but the fact is that we are also uniquely able to offer support...so where else are we to go?

Many bloggers who have gotten with BFP struggle with where they fit it...should they change the name of their blog? I'm not sure I have the answer to that. Maybe the answer lies in what they want to continue to write about, or if they still want to remain supportive to those of us who are still here. I tend to not want some of my favorites to change, because it feels a little bit more like I'm being left behind. So I say, if you still want to fight the fight with us, then please stay. But, maybe add a side bar near the top that indicates your current status to warn new comers.

I will admit, when investigating new blogs to read, the instant I find out a blogger is pregnant, I want nothing to do with reading that blog. So, an early warning is helpful for my self-preservation. On the other hand, if I've been reading for weeks or months about someones struggle, and long awaited success, I definitely want to keep reading. But it is much harder to read about pregnancies when unfamiliar with the struggle. I can't deny it.

For this reason, I rarely actually officially follow anyone anymore. Which is someone hypocritical, or something, because I know how excited I get when I get new followers. But, I'm afraid of being in the position of wanting to unfollow, and I don't want to do that to anyone either. So, I've added a blog roll to my side bar to keep track of some of my favorites.

Another strategy I've implemented is to create categories in my Google reader. I literally sort blogs into Pregnant and Not Pregnant. That way, if I'm having a bad day, I only read those under the Not Pregnant folder. It's another protective measure. I always manage to catch up with the others at some point.

So, what is the point of all of this...for those of you who have made it to the other side, I want you to know that if you continue to write in the same thoughtful way that you did during your journey to that BFP, then I am right here, ready to keep reading. (just maybe not every day!) I consider you my friends, and I'm grateful to have you (however jealous I may be!) You are symbols that this can actually happen, and you give me hope to carry on.

Lastly, I will say, that I do find it a bit upsetting when infertiles criticize what successful infertiles are writing. They have been through it. And maybe they just want to move on and leave it behind. Our blogs are what we need them to be. Not everyone needs to be an activist. We all know people are going to make it out. If you don't like what they are writing about, just don't read it. There's no reason to be mean about it.

All right, that's my two sense.