Back to Reality

I'm back from my four nights away with my family. Despite some of the infertile moments I mentioned in my previous post, it really was an incredible few days away. Little Bro rented a house in the middle of nowhere on the NY/MA border. We had acres and acres to ourselves. There were no sounds of civilization other than our own. I basically didn't wear shoes, comb my hair or put on make-up for three days. We grilled, made fires, toasted marshmallows, napped in the shade of a giant maple tree, and just enjoyed ourselves. And of course, I got lots of good time playing with Lady C. I had to stock up since we won't see them again until Christmas time. I'll share some photos when I manage to download them all.

Now, it's back to life. Back to reality. Back to deadlines. Back to a house that was full of presents from out pissed off cats. Hubby and I spent the first two hours home cleaning up many messes in multiple rooms of our house. Thank goodness for washable slip covers, that's all I can say. Hubby was tired from the drive, and upset about a rash he has on his arms (after cleaning poison ivy out of our yard on Sunday...but the rash looks to be an allergic reaction, not an out break, whew!), and really couldn't deal with the cat mess. I looked at him and said "well, it's good practice for parenthood I guess!" I managed to get through the cleaning, and mostly maintain my relaxed state from our vacation. Of course, I didn't get everything unpacked and put away cause I was cleaning instead. Oh well.

Tomorrow we have our WTF appointment finally. I feel like I already know a lot from my  voicemail tag with the nurse. But it will be great to talk it over with Dr. A and ask some more questions. I'm eager to know more about what the timing will be with the BCPs. (forever obsessed with my calendar...and when stuff might happen)!

Tomorrow night, we're going to the Red Sox, last minute with some friends. I really don't need to be out late tomorrow night, and I can't afford to leave work at all early in order to head to the game. But, I'm yet again, trying to enjoy life as it happens, and not worry too much about the consequences.

I have a question for IVFers out there. I have been struggling with really intense fatigue ever since transfer. I thought it would subside after all the hormones left my system. But it hasn't. I weened myself off of caffeine during stims, had none during the 2ww, and am pretty much sticking with that, with the occasional full-caf treat on the weekends. The fatigue seems to set in mid-afternoon. Before I gave up caffeine, I was only having one cup in the morning. So, I'm tending to think that it's not the cause of my sleepiness.

I have to admit, that I worry a little bit that I'm depressed. It took me a week or two after our BFN to be interested in food again too. I was thinking that it was because my stomach was angry and bloated with all the drugs. But, disinterest in food is another sign of depression. I mean, on the surface, I think I'm doing pretty well, aside from some recent house cleaning freak outs. But, I guess I don't let myself delve below the surface too often. Maybe it's a good thing my therapist didn't let me break up with her last week. Yes, I tried. I'm just so sick of going. And no, she didn't think it was a good time to stop.

Well, I can see that I'm beginning to do what I do best, and that's babble on with a dwindling train of thought. I think I will end here for the night, and just soak up my favorite show (SYTYCD - anyone have favorites? I'm liking Jess) for another hour and call it a night.