Hammock Time

Five years ago, the first summer Hubby and I were dating, before we even talked about moving into together, he bought a two person hammock. He had a screened in porch in that house. We worked together to add extra supports to the corners so we could hang the hammock  inside the screen, under the ceiling fan. We spent hours cuddling together in that hammock. It's were we discussed moving in together...and dreamed about our future.

A little over a year later, we sold that house, and found one to rent. It had two perfect trees in the back from which to hang our hammock. We spent lazy summer afternoon, reading, napping, just being together, in the shade, swinging in the breeze. There is nothing quite like cuddling up in the hammock.

The house we now own, which we moved into last summer has some great trees...but none of them quite in the right place. We've been missing our hammock time, and finally broke down and bought a hammock stand. Hubby, being a structural engineer, was quite skeptical of the ability of a stand to support the two of us. But, we found one with a nice high (over 100lbs more than we need) limit, and were able to take advantage of a sale.

On Sunday, we finally had a few minutes to set it up in a nice shady spot next to our patio. Ah...how it felt to lie next to each other, and swing ourselves to sleep for a nice afternoon nap.

We really need that sanctuary right now. We're having a tough time. I can't deny it.

There have been a couple of really thoughtful posts on the wear and tear IF can put on a relationship. The 2 Week Wait and A Miracle For Us. Forgive me for not linking to them...I'm just to tired to do anything but type right now. It was really helpful for me to read these posts and to know that we are again, not alone.

Aside from passing the two year mark of TTC, and the year mark of medicated cycles, we have both had incredibly intense work schedules lately. We're working late. Not always able to eat dinner together. We're talking at each other, but not hearing. It's all about the next social obligation, or what we're going to eat or scrounge together for dinner.

In addition to the work stress, and feeling like we barely have time just to take care of the day to day necessities of work, dishes, and laundry...Hubby had an allergic reaction to his latest anti-depressant. He switched meds in June hoping for find something that would have less weight gain issues, and of course, less sexual side effects. Unfortunately, he had an allergic reaction, and had to quit the meds cold turkey. Anyone who has ever taken anti-depressants knows that you are supposed to wean. Going off cold turkey is hell. I should know. I stupidly did this three years ago when I quite mine after we got married, in preparation for TTC. I was over heated, nauseous, and had electrical waves pulsing through my body for weeks. I know what he is going through. And he's actually doing amazingly well keeping it together most days. Unfortunately, it's taking all that he has just to get through is own day. He doesn't have anything left for me. (the good news is that the sexual side effects have vanished, as we were able to prove in the King Sized be in our room in Iowa! The first time sine November that it's worked without extreme effort. I nearly cried! I've sort of laughed to myself at every opportunity for a natural cycle sine then...thinking, well, we'll give it a go...but I don't have high hopes. Luckily, he's always been able to deliver to the cup!)

And me, I still haven't felt like myself since the IVF. I've been congested for weeks. I have headaches more day than not. My energy level hasn't returned to normal. It's taking everything I have to get my work done, eat in a remotely health way, and keep exercising to try to be in a healthy place for our next IVF.

On top of all of this, one of our cats has a bladder stone. Twice this month he has sprayed all over the sofa and loveseat in the basement, not to mention other select locations around the house. That furniture was a hand-me-down from my mom. We do not have it in the budget to replace it. And we're really excited to already have a furnished "playroom" in the basement. It's very upsetting to think how easily it could be ruined. I really don't want to be the house that my children's friends don't want to play at because it always smells like dirty animals. Thank goodness we have washable slipcovers on them right now. (or back on, I should say, fresh out of the washing machine for the second time this month). We can't even comprehend this behavior continuing. We could get Roy surgery, but that is an expense we just don't have in the budget with the list of home improvements, and saving for a baby plan b, among other things.

We discovered the mess for the second time yesterday afternoon, when we had planned to do a list of other chores before finally retiring to the hammock. Cleaning up all that mess made the hammock time all the more precious.

I'm not sure what we need to do to find our way back to a better place. I know we need to be patient with each other. We have to take the time to listen, encourage, and support. We don't have the time with our work schedules for our typical August escape to the Vineyard. I'm really hoping we can find the time (and the cash) for a little fall getaway after we get past some deadlines at work. Or, at minimum, some time off to work together on our house, the house that we've dreamed about together for hours upon hours in that hammock.

We'll find our way...eventually. We always do. We make a really great team. It just feels a little bit like we're playing different games right now.

Maybe that's the answer...we used to have a weekly game night. I think we need to start it up again...so we can play the same game for at least an hour or two a week And now that the hammock is back up, we need to spend a lot more time in it...together.