A much needed glass of wine. Reading through all the comments you've left me throughout the day, feeling hugged, feeling that you all understand. Feeling that I am not alone in this despair. Feeling that I am not the only one who thought that all my signs looked promising this time. Thank you.
I feel foolish for having been so hopeful. Hope is such a dangerous thing, But then, if it were not for the hope that it might actually work this time, why would we go through the early morning blood draws and dates with the dildo-cam, the injections, the secretive phone calls, the sacrifices? If I had no hope, why would I bother?
I heard back from the nurse. She said I need to update my Day 3 blood work, probably for insurance in preparation for IVF. She also said they could test for pregnancy then to see if this was a chemical. I want to know that in case there is a problem that should be further investigated before we get into the middle of IVF.
So, I go in on Friday morning to give yet another sample of blood. I'm glad there will be very current information to discuss with Dr. A on Monday morning.
A question for you ladies, if any of you are in the Boston area. We have not yet had a second opinion, unless you count the OB/GYN and the RE. I feel comfortable moving forward now, but if we are unsuccessful yet again, it will be time to see that second opinion. So, Bostonians, where do you go? Where are you happy or unhappy? Thoughts on where to pursue that second opinion, (that I won't actually need...see, there's that hope again!)
I am not in Boston but wanted to say please don't feel foolish for having hope. I understand your despair so very much. Please hang in there.
ReplyDeleteSorry this had to go down the way it did. You need to hold on to hope, just be careful with your heart.
ReplyDeleteI had 1% hope this last time around (enough to ttc) but was not phased when AF showed up. I guess that is a little sad, but that's where I am.
Just be sure if you are going on to IVF that you are ready. From what I have heard, you head really needs to be in the game. You need to be focused yet peaceful...yikes. Is that possible?
Good luck!
Sorry that she showed. You really did have some promising symptoms, so it could very well be a chemical.
ReplyDeleteHope is one of those 4-letter words. It is also absolutely necessary. Without it, what's the point of doing anything other than jumping the guys? I keeps us putting 1 foot in front of the other and trying again and again. "Hopefully" we are all rewarded one day for keeping our hope alive.
Aww, don't feel stupid for having so much hope. I know it seems hard now, but hope is what will get you through all this. I'm so sorry again Jen. Enjoy that glass(es?) of wine, you deserve it.
ReplyDeleteHoping you get some answers on Monday xo
Enjoy your wine sweetie. And never feel bad about having hope- it's what gets us through day after day. hugs!
ReplyDeleteHope can be a fickle bitch, but also your best friend. Keep her close and keep her positive. Hope you get some answers soon!
ReplyDeleteOh gosh Jen...I am so sorry. I have AF and the trickery that took place prior. Sending you hugs....
ReplyDeleteNever feel foolish for allowing your hope to shine through....yes it sucks when it's not the ending you wanted, but without hope, I don't know if all of this we put ourselves through would be worth it.
ReplyDeleteI'm doing my damnedest to hold strong to hope. I'm in the middle of my first IVF cycle and it's scary. But I'm holding strong to hope and believing this will be the cycle....
Best of luck to you and have a good trip!
i'm so sorry about AF. hold onto that hope and i'll be hoping for you, too! good luck with IVF and, if necessary, getting a second opinion!
ReplyDelete