Sex vs. Sanity

Part of blogging is writing stuff out so it can get out of your head, and you can stop thinking or obsessing over it, right? OK, so here goes. This is sort of an awkward topic. We talk so much about the inner workins of reproduction here, but it's not often people get specific about their sex life. But I have to get it out of my head, so I can move on with my day.

When I woke up this morning, I though to myself, "what am I going to be happy about today?" (I've been reading myself some Dr. Domar...) The first thought that crossed my mind was that it's Friday and I'm getting my new phone! 

And then I remembered my evening, and I got a little sad.

Hubby and I gave the natural cycle thing a go last night. It was day 13 after all, and my ovaries certainly feel like they are up to something. That's great, you all might think. Sex with your husband. This is what people do. Well, it had been since before we started stimming for the last IVF, so about two months. And since then, Hubby went back on antidepressants. He came off in July after an allergic reaction to a new one that he has switched to to try to avoid weight gain, and sexual side effects. And let me tell you, the few times that we managed to get it on between then and now were magical. Everything worked like it was supposed to for the fist time in nine months. Well, for him anyway. I'm another story, but we'll save that for another day...maybe. 

Last night, not so much. Although, he didn't take his little blue pill for assistance this time, because we didn't really plan that far in advance. I really hope it will make a difference. But I don't have very high hopes, because it didn't solve the problem with the three other types of antidepressants he's been on in the last year. But, this one is new. So, there is reason to hope, right? 

It's so frustrating, because while we are waiting for second opinions, I would like to be able to try naturally, since we have no reason to believe that it can't work. But then, not knowing if the sex itself is actually going to work adds another layer of stress, and makes me that much more desperate to get back to cycling. 

Cause, he's never had a problem with the plastic cup. Wow, that makes me feel really great as a woman. Anyway!

Don't get me wrong, any kind of intimacy is great, and much needed, regardless of the outcome. But it does just make me a little bit sad that nothing seems to work right for us. We just can't seem to make a baby, no matter how we try. And would would have thought that even getting the sperm into my hooha would be the issue! 

It's a struggle for me, because Hubby is doing so much better on this new medication. It's really great to see him dealing with extreme work stress still being able to laugh at the end of the day. Because, he's been crazed at work for going on five months now. It's a hard pace to keep. And some people just have a chemical imbalance and need a little bit of help. I have needed help myself. So I understand. I want him to be a happy person. 

I just wish it didn't seem to have to be a choice between sex and sanity. 

We'll give that little blue pill a try in a few days and hope for a better result. 

OK, now I can move on and think about all the strange questions I will ask Siri when I get home. She has some interesting answers is you ask her about the meaning of life.

PS - I love you Babe! I don't know if you're still reading this. I hope you understand that there are some things I just need to get out. xoxo