What's that they say about an object at rest remaining at rest unless acted upon by an outside force?
I am so fried from work, I cannot find the motivation to do anything interesting with my evening. I watched my favorite SYTYCD and now that it's over, I might as well just go to bed. Hubby is out at a public hearing. I'm waiting for him to get home to hopefully see him before I fall asleep. But, I'm mostly just staring aimlessly at walls.
Sure, there's stuff I could do around the house. There's a dishwasher to unload, laundry to put away, clutter to pick up since we are having friends over for a BBQ on Saturday.
But...
I am tired. I am achy (deadlines always give me neck, back and wrist aches). I am impatient for my next cycle...but I still have just over two weeks of BCPs left before this show really gets started. I am bored. I am sad. I am scared. I am cranky. I am unmotivated. And I just don't feel like doing anything.
Which pisses me off. Because I feel like I'm wasting perfectly good time out of my life. And I'm really sick of feeling like I'm missing out on my own life...whether it be to work or to IF. (any ideas on how to become independently wealthy? I have a feeling that coud solve both of those issue!) I could read a book or magazine. I could learn the dances for national dance day. I could start working on the photo book I said I would make for little bro and SIL of Lady C. I could email my friends and update them on IVF#2. I could call my mom. I could do SOMETHING.
But doing something requires an outside force...cause that force just isn't going to come from within this object at rest.
Not tonight at least.
7.28.2011
7.25.2011
Hammock Time
Five years ago, the first summer Hubby and I were dating, before we even talked about moving into together, he bought a two person hammock. He had a screened in porch in that house. We worked together to add extra supports to the corners so we could hang the hammock inside the screen, under the ceiling fan. We spent hours cuddling together in that hammock. It's were we discussed moving in together...and dreamed about our future.
A little over a year later, we sold that house, and found one to rent. It had two perfect trees in the back from which to hang our hammock. We spent lazy summer afternoon, reading, napping, just being together, in the shade, swinging in the breeze. There is nothing quite like cuddling up in the hammock.
The house we now own, which we moved into last summer has some great trees...but none of them quite in the right place. We've been missing our hammock time, and finally broke down and bought a hammock stand. Hubby, being a structural engineer, was quite skeptical of the ability of a stand to support the two of us. But, we found one with a nice high (over 100lbs more than we need) limit, and were able to take advantage of a sale.
On Sunday, we finally had a few minutes to set it up in a nice shady spot next to our patio. Ah...how it felt to lie next to each other, and swing ourselves to sleep for a nice afternoon nap.
We really need that sanctuary right now. We're having a tough time. I can't deny it.
There have been a couple of really thoughtful posts on the wear and tear IF can put on a relationship. The 2 Week Wait and A Miracle For Us. Forgive me for not linking to them...I'm just to tired to do anything but type right now. It was really helpful for me to read these posts and to know that we are again, not alone.
Aside from passing the two year mark of TTC, and the year mark of medicated cycles, we have both had incredibly intense work schedules lately. We're working late. Not always able to eat dinner together. We're talking at each other, but not hearing. It's all about the next social obligation, or what we're going to eat or scrounge together for dinner.
In addition to the work stress, and feeling like we barely have time just to take care of the day to day necessities of work, dishes, and laundry...Hubby had an allergic reaction to his latest anti-depressant. He switched meds in June hoping for find something that would have less weight gain issues, and of course, less sexual side effects. Unfortunately, he had an allergic reaction, and had to quit the meds cold turkey. Anyone who has ever taken anti-depressants knows that you are supposed to wean. Going off cold turkey is hell. I should know. I stupidly did this three years ago when I quite mine after we got married, in preparation for TTC. I was over heated, nauseous, and had electrical waves pulsing through my body for weeks. I know what he is going through. And he's actually doing amazingly well keeping it together most days. Unfortunately, it's taking all that he has just to get through is own day. He doesn't have anything left for me. (the good news is that the sexual side effects have vanished, as we were able to prove in the King Sized be in our room in Iowa! The first time sine November that it's worked without extreme effort. I nearly cried! I've sort of laughed to myself at every opportunity for a natural cycle sine then...thinking, well, we'll give it a go...but I don't have high hopes. Luckily, he's always been able to deliver to the cup!)
And me, I still haven't felt like myself since the IVF. I've been congested for weeks. I have headaches more day than not. My energy level hasn't returned to normal. It's taking everything I have to get my work done, eat in a remotely health way, and keep exercising to try to be in a healthy place for our next IVF.
On top of all of this, one of our cats has a bladder stone. Twice this month he has sprayed all over the sofa and loveseat in the basement, not to mention other select locations around the house. That furniture was a hand-me-down from my mom. We do not have it in the budget to replace it. And we're really excited to already have a furnished "playroom" in the basement. It's very upsetting to think how easily it could be ruined. I really don't want to be the house that my children's friends don't want to play at because it always smells like dirty animals. Thank goodness we have washable slipcovers on them right now. (or back on, I should say, fresh out of the washing machine for the second time this month). We can't even comprehend this behavior continuing. We could get Roy surgery, but that is an expense we just don't have in the budget with the list of home improvements, and saving for a baby plan b, among other things.
We discovered the mess for the second time yesterday afternoon, when we had planned to do a list of other chores before finally retiring to the hammock. Cleaning up all that mess made the hammock time all the more precious.
I'm not sure what we need to do to find our way back to a better place. I know we need to be patient with each other. We have to take the time to listen, encourage, and support. We don't have the time with our work schedules for our typical August escape to the Vineyard. I'm really hoping we can find the time (and the cash) for a little fall getaway after we get past some deadlines at work. Or, at minimum, some time off to work together on our house, the house that we've dreamed about together for hours upon hours in that hammock.
We'll find our way...eventually. We always do. We make a really great team. It just feels a little bit like we're playing different games right now.
Maybe that's the answer...we used to have a weekly game night. I think we need to start it up again...so we can play the same game for at least an hour or two a week And now that the hammock is back up, we need to spend a lot more time in it...together.
A little over a year later, we sold that house, and found one to rent. It had two perfect trees in the back from which to hang our hammock. We spent lazy summer afternoon, reading, napping, just being together, in the shade, swinging in the breeze. There is nothing quite like cuddling up in the hammock.
The house we now own, which we moved into last summer has some great trees...but none of them quite in the right place. We've been missing our hammock time, and finally broke down and bought a hammock stand. Hubby, being a structural engineer, was quite skeptical of the ability of a stand to support the two of us. But, we found one with a nice high (over 100lbs more than we need) limit, and were able to take advantage of a sale.
On Sunday, we finally had a few minutes to set it up in a nice shady spot next to our patio. Ah...how it felt to lie next to each other, and swing ourselves to sleep for a nice afternoon nap.
We really need that sanctuary right now. We're having a tough time. I can't deny it.
There have been a couple of really thoughtful posts on the wear and tear IF can put on a relationship. The 2 Week Wait and A Miracle For Us. Forgive me for not linking to them...I'm just to tired to do anything but type right now. It was really helpful for me to read these posts and to know that we are again, not alone.
Aside from passing the two year mark of TTC, and the year mark of medicated cycles, we have both had incredibly intense work schedules lately. We're working late. Not always able to eat dinner together. We're talking at each other, but not hearing. It's all about the next social obligation, or what we're going to eat or scrounge together for dinner.
In addition to the work stress, and feeling like we barely have time just to take care of the day to day necessities of work, dishes, and laundry...Hubby had an allergic reaction to his latest anti-depressant. He switched meds in June hoping for find something that would have less weight gain issues, and of course, less sexual side effects. Unfortunately, he had an allergic reaction, and had to quit the meds cold turkey. Anyone who has ever taken anti-depressants knows that you are supposed to wean. Going off cold turkey is hell. I should know. I stupidly did this three years ago when I quite mine after we got married, in preparation for TTC. I was over heated, nauseous, and had electrical waves pulsing through my body for weeks. I know what he is going through. And he's actually doing amazingly well keeping it together most days. Unfortunately, it's taking all that he has just to get through is own day. He doesn't have anything left for me. (the good news is that the sexual side effects have vanished, as we were able to prove in the King Sized be in our room in Iowa! The first time sine November that it's worked without extreme effort. I nearly cried! I've sort of laughed to myself at every opportunity for a natural cycle sine then...thinking, well, we'll give it a go...but I don't have high hopes. Luckily, he's always been able to deliver to the cup!)
And me, I still haven't felt like myself since the IVF. I've been congested for weeks. I have headaches more day than not. My energy level hasn't returned to normal. It's taking everything I have to get my work done, eat in a remotely health way, and keep exercising to try to be in a healthy place for our next IVF.
On top of all of this, one of our cats has a bladder stone. Twice this month he has sprayed all over the sofa and loveseat in the basement, not to mention other select locations around the house. That furniture was a hand-me-down from my mom. We do not have it in the budget to replace it. And we're really excited to already have a furnished "playroom" in the basement. It's very upsetting to think how easily it could be ruined. I really don't want to be the house that my children's friends don't want to play at because it always smells like dirty animals. Thank goodness we have washable slipcovers on them right now. (or back on, I should say, fresh out of the washing machine for the second time this month). We can't even comprehend this behavior continuing. We could get Roy surgery, but that is an expense we just don't have in the budget with the list of home improvements, and saving for a baby plan b, among other things.
We discovered the mess for the second time yesterday afternoon, when we had planned to do a list of other chores before finally retiring to the hammock. Cleaning up all that mess made the hammock time all the more precious.
I'm not sure what we need to do to find our way back to a better place. I know we need to be patient with each other. We have to take the time to listen, encourage, and support. We don't have the time with our work schedules for our typical August escape to the Vineyard. I'm really hoping we can find the time (and the cash) for a little fall getaway after we get past some deadlines at work. Or, at minimum, some time off to work together on our house, the house that we've dreamed about together for hours upon hours in that hammock.
We'll find our way...eventually. We always do. We make a really great team. It just feels a little bit like we're playing different games right now.
Maybe that's the answer...we used to have a weekly game night. I think we need to start it up again...so we can play the same game for at least an hour or two a week And now that the hammock is back up, we need to spend a lot more time in it...together.
7.23.2011
City Mouse Goes to the Country
To be fair, this really should say Suburban Mouse, but City just sounds so much better. And, although I live in the suburbs of Boston now, I have spent a fair amount of time living and working in the city.
As promised, and requested...I thought I would share a few thoughts on the differences between Massachusetts and Iowa (including western Illinois, as we drove from Chicago to get there). Hubby, my mom and I were there last weekend to attend the wedding of my cousin—the middle daughter of Mom's little brother.
For a little background, my mom and her family grew up on a farm in upstate NY, which slowly evolved into a giant suburb outside of Albany which I call my hometown. Anyone heard of Clifton Park? My dad's family is from a rural part of south-central NY. So I am no stranger to rural areas.
Hubby, on the other hand, was born and raised inside 128 (95 for people not from here). It's a beltway that circles Boston. His grandparents, parents, brother, and us, all still live inside. (although, for a brief period, Hubby owned a house outside the circle, cause it was the only place he could afford).
OK, enough background...here are some points of comparison I found interesting and humorous.
Parking:
- At Logan Airpot, short term parking costs $3/half hour for up to three hours ($18)
- O'Hare, short term parking costs $2/hour for up to three hours ($6)
- In Boston, I often have to shimmy my way out of my car once I've crammed myself into a parking spot. I drive a PT Cruiser. It's a tiny car people!
- In Iowa, we rented a giant boat of a car. The doors were so big, I couldn't reach the handle when they were fully open. They never hit the neighboring car. These are parking spaces sized for pick-up trucks. Unfortunately for us, our other car is actually a Chevy Silverado.
Highway Scenery:
- In Massachusetts, driving down I-90W (which, is the longest interstate in the country, if I remember correctly from my days of designing travel almanacs for Cracker Barrel Old Country Store.) you see twists and turns, hills, trees, and cliffs. You will drive through the highest point on the highway until you get to the west coast (in the Berkshires near the MA/NY border). The farthest you can probably see is three miles. but usually, it's less than a football field before the trees or the cliffs get in the way. Unless you are just leaving Boston, you will not have to stop and pay a toll until you exit the highway, or leave the state. There are at least 4 rest stops in about a 2 hour stretch of highway.
- In Western Illinois, driving down I-88W, you will see corn, corn, and more corn. It is incredible! One of the wedding guests commented that out of towners always exclaim about the corn. Now, it's not that we've never seen corn. Did white people discover corn in Mass thanks to the Native Americans? We have corn mazes, and farm stands on street corners. We love corn. What is amazing to us is that you can see seemingly forever (fifteen miles or so?), into horizon. And filling up that entire distance is corn. Nothing but corn. We don't experience the horizon here in Mass, unless we are at the coast, and then it's only in one direction. Oh, and there was only one rest stop in three hours.
Brew Pubs & Burgers:
- In Boston, we are proud of our beer. There are several local breweries, and lots of brew pubs that make sure you know they have brewed their own beer with the giant kegs that hang over your head. There are always locally brewed beers on tap. If you want a burger and fries to go with your beer, it will probably cost about $12.99.
- In Muscatine, we went to a place called the Missipi Brewing Company. Not a giant keg in site. But, they did have a shelf lining one full wall displaying a variety of beer cans from over the years. (we don't drink beer in cans here, at least in the beer snob crew in which I run). They did have a nice summer brew on tap, but they did not brew it. The burger and fries cost $3.99.
Nightlife:
- In Waltham (population 60,000+), where I live, located along the Charles river, the downtown area is lined with restaurants of any and every ethnicity. If you want to go out on a Friday night to eat, be prepared to drive around for awhile to find a spot. At least the meters shut off at 6pm. The streets are always hoping with people.
- In Muscatine (population 20,000+) right along the Mississippi river, we saw two other restaurants aside from the one we chose. One was Thai! There were no people outside on the streets. We pulled right up to a parking meter on an empty street that had shut off at 5pm.
Hats:
- In Boston, everyone owns a hat with a "B." Mine is pink with a blue "B" which I wear at the beach, because I just don't care about baseball. I'm just thinking now, shouldn't it be an "R" for the Redsox? But everyone knows what it means. These hats are worn low, tight to the head. Often, they are purchased to size and are not adjustable.
- In Iowa, men were tractor style caps, with vented panels on the back. These hats have big plastic adjustable tabs in the back, and are worn high on the forehead. They display logos like John Deere or some other farm equipment company.
Carbonated Beverage:
- In Boston, we call it Soda (although some in the greatest generation will call it tonic. This confuses me. Tonic is something to which I add vodka or gin and a lime). I will admit, that somewhere between Syracuse and Rochester, NY, this changes to the midwestern thinking.
- In Iowa, it it called Pop. To me, that is someone's grandfather.
Housing:
- In my little suburb, a 1400SF house will hit the market for $450k. You might be lucky enough to get it for just under $400k. You will be even luckier if it has a garage. And bonus if that garage is attached to the house. It will not fit a pick-up. A PT Cruiser will be a tight squeeze. It is unlikely that any midwestern visitors will be able to stand up full height on your second floor. Do you watch Family Guy? That house is exactly what we have here, in great abundance. We were so lucky not to buy one. (As an aside, I have these theory from my younger, single, bar hoping days that corn-fed midwesterners of scandinavian decent stand heads above potato-fed Bostonians of Irish decent. The guys here are stocky and have no necks. You can always spot the midwestern guy in the crowd, cause you can see him above everyone else!
- In Muscatine, my cousin just bought a 2500SF house with a three car garage for less than the asking price of $169k. You would be lucky to get a studio condo here for that much.
All right. That's all I've got. I may have had more, but blogger crashed and didn't save my original post that took me 40 minutes to write. This is my best attempt at recreation! Grrr!
Anyway, we had a fantastic time visiting my family who we haven't seen in three years since my wedding. But we're not in a rush to go back. I have one single cousin left. He's 23. It should be awhile, right? Although, people do tend to marry a lot earlier out there too, I'm told.
So, what about you? Any good east coast/midwest thoughts to share?
One thing I do know we have in common right now is this heat wave. Hope everyone is staying cool. I'm off to a friends for an afternoon swim!
As promised, and requested...I thought I would share a few thoughts on the differences between Massachusetts and Iowa (including western Illinois, as we drove from Chicago to get there). Hubby, my mom and I were there last weekend to attend the wedding of my cousin—the middle daughter of Mom's little brother.
For a little background, my mom and her family grew up on a farm in upstate NY, which slowly evolved into a giant suburb outside of Albany which I call my hometown. Anyone heard of Clifton Park? My dad's family is from a rural part of south-central NY. So I am no stranger to rural areas.
Hubby, on the other hand, was born and raised inside 128 (95 for people not from here). It's a beltway that circles Boston. His grandparents, parents, brother, and us, all still live inside. (although, for a brief period, Hubby owned a house outside the circle, cause it was the only place he could afford).
OK, enough background...here are some points of comparison I found interesting and humorous.
Parking:
- At Logan Airpot, short term parking costs $3/half hour for up to three hours ($18)
- O'Hare, short term parking costs $2/hour for up to three hours ($6)
- In Boston, I often have to shimmy my way out of my car once I've crammed myself into a parking spot. I drive a PT Cruiser. It's a tiny car people!
- In Iowa, we rented a giant boat of a car. The doors were so big, I couldn't reach the handle when they were fully open. They never hit the neighboring car. These are parking spaces sized for pick-up trucks. Unfortunately for us, our other car is actually a Chevy Silverado.
Highway Scenery:
- In Massachusetts, driving down I-90W (which, is the longest interstate in the country, if I remember correctly from my days of designing travel almanacs for Cracker Barrel Old Country Store.) you see twists and turns, hills, trees, and cliffs. You will drive through the highest point on the highway until you get to the west coast (in the Berkshires near the MA/NY border). The farthest you can probably see is three miles. but usually, it's less than a football field before the trees or the cliffs get in the way. Unless you are just leaving Boston, you will not have to stop and pay a toll until you exit the highway, or leave the state. There are at least 4 rest stops in about a 2 hour stretch of highway.
- In Western Illinois, driving down I-88W, you will see corn, corn, and more corn. It is incredible! One of the wedding guests commented that out of towners always exclaim about the corn. Now, it's not that we've never seen corn. Did white people discover corn in Mass thanks to the Native Americans? We have corn mazes, and farm stands on street corners. We love corn. What is amazing to us is that you can see seemingly forever (fifteen miles or so?), into horizon. And filling up that entire distance is corn. Nothing but corn. We don't experience the horizon here in Mass, unless we are at the coast, and then it's only in one direction. Oh, and there was only one rest stop in three hours.
Brew Pubs & Burgers:
- In Boston, we are proud of our beer. There are several local breweries, and lots of brew pubs that make sure you know they have brewed their own beer with the giant kegs that hang over your head. There are always locally brewed beers on tap. If you want a burger and fries to go with your beer, it will probably cost about $12.99.
- In Muscatine, we went to a place called the Missipi Brewing Company. Not a giant keg in site. But, they did have a shelf lining one full wall displaying a variety of beer cans from over the years. (we don't drink beer in cans here, at least in the beer snob crew in which I run). They did have a nice summer brew on tap, but they did not brew it. The burger and fries cost $3.99.
Nightlife:
- In Waltham (population 60,000+), where I live, located along the Charles river, the downtown area is lined with restaurants of any and every ethnicity. If you want to go out on a Friday night to eat, be prepared to drive around for awhile to find a spot. At least the meters shut off at 6pm. The streets are always hoping with people.
- In Muscatine (population 20,000+) right along the Mississippi river, we saw two other restaurants aside from the one we chose. One was Thai! There were no people outside on the streets. We pulled right up to a parking meter on an empty street that had shut off at 5pm.
Hats:
- In Boston, everyone owns a hat with a "B." Mine is pink with a blue "B" which I wear at the beach, because I just don't care about baseball. I'm just thinking now, shouldn't it be an "R" for the Redsox? But everyone knows what it means. These hats are worn low, tight to the head. Often, they are purchased to size and are not adjustable.
- In Iowa, men were tractor style caps, with vented panels on the back. These hats have big plastic adjustable tabs in the back, and are worn high on the forehead. They display logos like John Deere or some other farm equipment company.
Carbonated Beverage:
- In Boston, we call it Soda (although some in the greatest generation will call it tonic. This confuses me. Tonic is something to which I add vodka or gin and a lime). I will admit, that somewhere between Syracuse and Rochester, NY, this changes to the midwestern thinking.
- In Iowa, it it called Pop. To me, that is someone's grandfather.
Housing:
- In my little suburb, a 1400SF house will hit the market for $450k. You might be lucky enough to get it for just under $400k. You will be even luckier if it has a garage. And bonus if that garage is attached to the house. It will not fit a pick-up. A PT Cruiser will be a tight squeeze. It is unlikely that any midwestern visitors will be able to stand up full height on your second floor. Do you watch Family Guy? That house is exactly what we have here, in great abundance. We were so lucky not to buy one. (As an aside, I have these theory from my younger, single, bar hoping days that corn-fed midwesterners of scandinavian decent stand heads above potato-fed Bostonians of Irish decent. The guys here are stocky and have no necks. You can always spot the midwestern guy in the crowd, cause you can see him above everyone else!
- In Muscatine, my cousin just bought a 2500SF house with a three car garage for less than the asking price of $169k. You would be lucky to get a studio condo here for that much.
All right. That's all I've got. I may have had more, but blogger crashed and didn't save my original post that took me 40 minutes to write. This is my best attempt at recreation! Grrr!
Anyway, we had a fantastic time visiting my family who we haven't seen in three years since my wedding. But we're not in a rush to go back. I have one single cousin left. He's 23. It should be awhile, right? Although, people do tend to marry a lot earlier out there too, I'm told.
So, what about you? Any good east coast/midwest thoughts to share?
One thing I do know we have in common right now is this heat wave. Hope everyone is staying cool. I'm off to a friends for an afternoon swim!
7.21.2011
ICLW Welcome
Hi everyone! Welcome to The Chronicles of Violetta Margarita. If you are new here, Violetta Margarita is the code name Hubby and I have decided to use when we finally manage to get pregnant with a girl. Hopefully, that will be happening in a few weeks. We're just starting the birth control phase of our second IVF cycle. We are using the antagonist protocol with ICSI and assisted hatching, and are due to start stims aroun 8/12.
The Chronicles is the story of our journey to create Violetta (or her brother Luigi) and a little bit of the rest of life as it happens along the way. So far, our journey, which has lasted more than two years, has involved one chemical pregancy while trying naturally, a diagnosis of unexplained infertility, three clomid IUIs, 2.5 injectable IUIs, acupuncture, and one IVF, which has enlighted our diagnosis to include fertilization issues.
We're really hoping that the second time is the charm, as I am 36 (and will be 37 by the time any babies arrive, oh good god, did I really just admit that?) and Hubby is 42. It would be nice to still have enough movement in my knees to allow me to crawl around on the floor with my babies...but who am I kdding, my knees have been bad for going on four years now!
Anyway, thanks so much for stopping by! I happen to be extremely busy these days, but am working on solving some commenting issues at work (where I spend most of my time) so hopefully I will be able to fulfill my duties. I haven't done ICLW in a few months, but I'm in the mood to meet some new bloggers.
Welcome!
The Chronicles is the story of our journey to create Violetta (or her brother Luigi) and a little bit of the rest of life as it happens along the way. So far, our journey, which has lasted more than two years, has involved one chemical pregancy while trying naturally, a diagnosis of unexplained infertility, three clomid IUIs, 2.5 injectable IUIs, acupuncture, and one IVF, which has enlighted our diagnosis to include fertilization issues.
We're really hoping that the second time is the charm, as I am 36 (and will be 37 by the time any babies arrive, oh good god, did I really just admit that?) and Hubby is 42. It would be nice to still have enough movement in my knees to allow me to crawl around on the floor with my babies...but who am I kdding, my knees have been bad for going on four years now!
Anyway, thanks so much for stopping by! I happen to be extremely busy these days, but am working on solving some commenting issues at work (where I spend most of my time) so hopefully I will be able to fulfill my duties. I haven't done ICLW in a few months, but I'm in the mood to meet some new bloggers.
Welcome!
7.19.2011
Busy
It seems like I'm running non-stop right now. I swear I wold loose my head if it wasn't attached. I can't even tell you how many things I have forgotten or misplaced in the past few weeks.
I'm on a deadline at work. What does that mean in the exciting world of architecture? It means ramping up hours for at least two weeks prior to the deadline, only to have the deadline move out a week after you've already been working late to get everything done...giving you more time...wo work long hours. Oh yay! It means shoving food into your face at your desk at lunch time, and hoping you can make it home for a reasobably healthy dinner that required no preparation because you are too tired for that. It means going out for a walk after the sun has set (and it's summer folks!) because you are trying as hard as possible to loose the weight from your first IVF, plus a few more, before launching into your second in just a few weeks.
And it means being a bit behind on the blogging front!
So, yesterday, good old Auntie showed up meaning I get to start bcps on Wednesday. The nurse is guessing stims will start around 8/12. Hopefully, retreival and transfer will happen after 8/20, which is the final official deadline for our construction documents. (That doesn't mean the work on the project stops, it just means that our drawings will be in the hands of the bidders for a few weeks to there is some breathing room). Who knows, maybe I will end up working so many extra hours that I can take some time at the end of the month to relax through the process.
Aside from IVF#2, Hubby, my mom and I had a great trip to Muscatine, Iowa for my cousin's wedding this past weekend. It was a lot of traveling, with not much else to do but the wedding itself, but it was really great to see my family, most of whom we haven't seen in the three years since my wedding! I have a post floating around in my head about some of the difference between Iowa and Mass, but who knows if I'll even find the time to write it.
I guess that's it for now. Just trying to stay afloat without loosing my mind. I hope you will all pardon me for being a commenting slacker. I'm going to try to make up for it with this month's ICLW, but I don't have high hopes!
I'm on a deadline at work. What does that mean in the exciting world of architecture? It means ramping up hours for at least two weeks prior to the deadline, only to have the deadline move out a week after you've already been working late to get everything done...giving you more time...wo work long hours. Oh yay! It means shoving food into your face at your desk at lunch time, and hoping you can make it home for a reasobably healthy dinner that required no preparation because you are too tired for that. It means going out for a walk after the sun has set (and it's summer folks!) because you are trying as hard as possible to loose the weight from your first IVF, plus a few more, before launching into your second in just a few weeks.
And it means being a bit behind on the blogging front!
So, yesterday, good old Auntie showed up meaning I get to start bcps on Wednesday. The nurse is guessing stims will start around 8/12. Hopefully, retreival and transfer will happen after 8/20, which is the final official deadline for our construction documents. (That doesn't mean the work on the project stops, it just means that our drawings will be in the hands of the bidders for a few weeks to there is some breathing room). Who knows, maybe I will end up working so many extra hours that I can take some time at the end of the month to relax through the process.
Aside from IVF#2, Hubby, my mom and I had a great trip to Muscatine, Iowa for my cousin's wedding this past weekend. It was a lot of traveling, with not much else to do but the wedding itself, but it was really great to see my family, most of whom we haven't seen in the three years since my wedding! I have a post floating around in my head about some of the difference between Iowa and Mass, but who knows if I'll even find the time to write it.
I guess that's it for now. Just trying to stay afloat without loosing my mind. I hope you will all pardon me for being a commenting slacker. I'm going to try to make up for it with this month's ICLW, but I don't have high hopes!
7.12.2011
Pep Talk
You are an associate. You got promoted because people think you are doing a good job and you deserve it. You ARE doing a good job, and you DO deserve it.
You have worked late the last two nights (and will continue to do so over the next few weeks), and still come home, eaten a reasonably (if not perfectly healthy) dinner, done for a half hour walk, and cleaned up dinner dishes even though you really just wanted to flop in front of the TV.
You are doing the best that you can in the circumstances you are in to be healthy and prepare yourself for your next attempt at bringing Violetta into this world.
You did ALL the laundry in the house on Saturday, including the quilt, and two slipcovers that were caught in the cross fire of your sick cat. (And when I say all, I mean washed, AND put away...unheard of!)
You have an amazing husband, who is just as stressed out as you are right now. But the hammock stand you ordered is in the back yard waiting to be put together. In about a week and a half, you will finally get to swing together in the trees in your back yard.
Even though you are feeling like you have spent more time in the almost year that you have owned your house trying to get pregnant than working on your house, you have to give yourself credit for all the amazing things that you have already accomplished around the house. The basement, the bedrooms, the office and the yard aren't going anywhere any time soon. You have plenty of time to figure out what you want to do with them. But it's ok if you do feel like they have been a bit neglected in favor of creating Violetta. And it's ok to be scared that once she is here, it will be harder to get all of those things done. But you will find a way. You always do...once you set your mind to it.
But, since we don't know yet when she will be here, you will just continue to make small steps of progress without being too hard on yourself if not a lot gets done in the next month and a half. You have an impossible deadline, and are planning an IVF cycle after all.
Right now is the time you are trying to make a baby. There will be a time when you get to focus on your home, and the other creative projects on your list. Do not feel guilty that the time is not now.
As one of your wise blog friends likes to remind you, you are exactly where you are supposed to be.
You are strong, and you can keep going, and you can admit that it's not easy.
It's not easy.
But, you're doing it.
You have worked late the last two nights (and will continue to do so over the next few weeks), and still come home, eaten a reasonably (if not perfectly healthy) dinner, done for a half hour walk, and cleaned up dinner dishes even though you really just wanted to flop in front of the TV.
You are doing the best that you can in the circumstances you are in to be healthy and prepare yourself for your next attempt at bringing Violetta into this world.
You did ALL the laundry in the house on Saturday, including the quilt, and two slipcovers that were caught in the cross fire of your sick cat. (And when I say all, I mean washed, AND put away...unheard of!)
You have an amazing husband, who is just as stressed out as you are right now. But the hammock stand you ordered is in the back yard waiting to be put together. In about a week and a half, you will finally get to swing together in the trees in your back yard.
Even though you are feeling like you have spent more time in the almost year that you have owned your house trying to get pregnant than working on your house, you have to give yourself credit for all the amazing things that you have already accomplished around the house. The basement, the bedrooms, the office and the yard aren't going anywhere any time soon. You have plenty of time to figure out what you want to do with them. But it's ok if you do feel like they have been a bit neglected in favor of creating Violetta. And it's ok to be scared that once she is here, it will be harder to get all of those things done. But you will find a way. You always do...once you set your mind to it.
But, since we don't know yet when she will be here, you will just continue to make small steps of progress without being too hard on yourself if not a lot gets done in the next month and a half. You have an impossible deadline, and are planning an IVF cycle after all.
Right now is the time you are trying to make a baby. There will be a time when you get to focus on your home, and the other creative projects on your list. Do not feel guilty that the time is not now.
As one of your wise blog friends likes to remind you, you are exactly where you are supposed to be.
You are strong, and you can keep going, and you can admit that it's not easy.
It's not easy.
But, you're doing it.
7.10.2011
Thoughts on BFP Blogs
It seems that a lot of people have been thinking about what to write after their BFP, or whether or not to keep reading after other's BFPs. I thought I might share my perspective on the whole thing. This might not come out as the most organized thought process, but what the heck.
First off, I think it may have been Mel at Stirrup Queens who said that in order to have a good blog, you have to need your space. I find to be very true. If you need to vent about the stresses, laugh about the oddities, ask questions about the process...most likely you are writing something that other people will want to read. Even after a BFP.
Clearly, some people don't need their blog anymore, and they stop writing. Others mostly turn it into a pregnancy journal. (Which I happen to think is a great idea. A blog is a journal, why not use it for whatever you are journaling about...but it is true that it might not be the most appealing way to maintain readership in the IF community). Some people do the pregnancy journal, and still continue to share the fears and stresses of pregnancy after IF, and other things that are going on in their lives. And many, no matter what they are writing about, keep giving unending support to those of us who are still waiting to get off the island.
My basic opinion is this: First and foremost, a blog is a personal journal, and people should write about whatever is personal to them, and not worry about being criticized for it. It may or may not be something everyone wants to read, but who cares, it's for you!
For me, I'm writing first because I need to get it out. Yes, the comments and the followers are amazing, and I'm so grateful for this community. But the reality is, as I read somewhere on one of your blogs...infertile women make the worst support for infertile women. Because inevitably some of us make it out. I think this is unfortunately, true, but the fact is that we are also uniquely able to offer support...so where else are we to go?
Many bloggers who have gotten with BFP struggle with where they fit it...should they change the name of their blog? I'm not sure I have the answer to that. Maybe the answer lies in what they want to continue to write about, or if they still want to remain supportive to those of us who are still here. I tend to not want some of my favorites to change, because it feels a little bit more like I'm being left behind. So I say, if you still want to fight the fight with us, then please stay. But, maybe add a side bar near the top that indicates your current status to warn new comers.
I will admit, when investigating new blogs to read, the instant I find out a blogger is pregnant, I want nothing to do with reading that blog. So, an early warning is helpful for my self-preservation. On the other hand, if I've been reading for weeks or months about someones struggle, and long awaited success, I definitely want to keep reading. But it is much harder to read about pregnancies when unfamiliar with the struggle. I can't deny it.
For this reason, I rarely actually officially follow anyone anymore. Which is someone hypocritical, or something, because I know how excited I get when I get new followers. But, I'm afraid of being in the position of wanting to unfollow, and I don't want to do that to anyone either. So, I've added a blog roll to my side bar to keep track of some of my favorites.
Another strategy I've implemented is to create categories in my Google reader. I literally sort blogs into Pregnant and Not Pregnant. That way, if I'm having a bad day, I only read those under the Not Pregnant folder. It's another protective measure. I always manage to catch up with the others at some point.
So, what is the point of all of this...for those of you who have made it to the other side, I want you to know that if you continue to write in the same thoughtful way that you did during your journey to that BFP, then I am right here, ready to keep reading. (just maybe not every day!) I consider you my friends, and I'm grateful to have you (however jealous I may be!) You are symbols that this can actually happen, and you give me hope to carry on.
Lastly, I will say, that I do find it a bit upsetting when infertiles criticize what successful infertiles are writing. They have been through it. And maybe they just want to move on and leave it behind. Our blogs are what we need them to be. Not everyone needs to be an activist. We all know people are going to make it out. If you don't like what they are writing about, just don't read it. There's no reason to be mean about it.
All right, that's my two sense.
First off, I think it may have been Mel at Stirrup Queens who said that in order to have a good blog, you have to need your space. I find to be very true. If you need to vent about the stresses, laugh about the oddities, ask questions about the process...most likely you are writing something that other people will want to read. Even after a BFP.
Clearly, some people don't need their blog anymore, and they stop writing. Others mostly turn it into a pregnancy journal. (Which I happen to think is a great idea. A blog is a journal, why not use it for whatever you are journaling about...but it is true that it might not be the most appealing way to maintain readership in the IF community). Some people do the pregnancy journal, and still continue to share the fears and stresses of pregnancy after IF, and other things that are going on in their lives. And many, no matter what they are writing about, keep giving unending support to those of us who are still waiting to get off the island.
My basic opinion is this: First and foremost, a blog is a personal journal, and people should write about whatever is personal to them, and not worry about being criticized for it. It may or may not be something everyone wants to read, but who cares, it's for you!
For me, I'm writing first because I need to get it out. Yes, the comments and the followers are amazing, and I'm so grateful for this community. But the reality is, as I read somewhere on one of your blogs...infertile women make the worst support for infertile women. Because inevitably some of us make it out. I think this is unfortunately, true, but the fact is that we are also uniquely able to offer support...so where else are we to go?
Many bloggers who have gotten with BFP struggle with where they fit it...should they change the name of their blog? I'm not sure I have the answer to that. Maybe the answer lies in what they want to continue to write about, or if they still want to remain supportive to those of us who are still here. I tend to not want some of my favorites to change, because it feels a little bit more like I'm being left behind. So I say, if you still want to fight the fight with us, then please stay. But, maybe add a side bar near the top that indicates your current status to warn new comers.
I will admit, when investigating new blogs to read, the instant I find out a blogger is pregnant, I want nothing to do with reading that blog. So, an early warning is helpful for my self-preservation. On the other hand, if I've been reading for weeks or months about someones struggle, and long awaited success, I definitely want to keep reading. But it is much harder to read about pregnancies when unfamiliar with the struggle. I can't deny it.
For this reason, I rarely actually officially follow anyone anymore. Which is someone hypocritical, or something, because I know how excited I get when I get new followers. But, I'm afraid of being in the position of wanting to unfollow, and I don't want to do that to anyone either. So, I've added a blog roll to my side bar to keep track of some of my favorites.
Another strategy I've implemented is to create categories in my Google reader. I literally sort blogs into Pregnant and Not Pregnant. That way, if I'm having a bad day, I only read those under the Not Pregnant folder. It's another protective measure. I always manage to catch up with the others at some point.
So, what is the point of all of this...for those of you who have made it to the other side, I want you to know that if you continue to write in the same thoughtful way that you did during your journey to that BFP, then I am right here, ready to keep reading. (just maybe not every day!) I consider you my friends, and I'm grateful to have you (however jealous I may be!) You are symbols that this can actually happen, and you give me hope to carry on.
Lastly, I will say, that I do find it a bit upsetting when infertiles criticize what successful infertiles are writing. They have been through it. And maybe they just want to move on and leave it behind. Our blogs are what we need them to be. Not everyone needs to be an activist. We all know people are going to make it out. If you don't like what they are writing about, just don't read it. There's no reason to be mean about it.
All right, that's my two sense.
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