Extended Adolesence

So, exactly how is it that I find myself less than two months away from turning 36 (very much freaking out about it by the way), married to a 42-year-old man*, and still without a child? I am not one of those women who put off baby making intentionally until my mid-thirties for the sake of my career, only to assume that modern science would help me expand my family, no matter what the troubles. (that whole generalization bothers me unbelievably!!) But it hasn't even been two years since I threw away the BCPs. How did I get here? How did it take me so long to be trying at motherhood?

Hubby calls it extended adolescence. And just how did my adolescence manage to drag on for so long?

I started out young and idealistic. I studied graphic design, moved to Boston a year out of school, and had every intention of being married by my mid-twenties, and having at least one child before I turned 30. But then I got laid-off, not once, but twice in the course of about two years. And I had a four year dry spell. Not even a single date. For four.long.years. So much for meeting the man of my dreams, falling in love, and getting married in time to have that kid by the time I was 30. I was also so disillusioned by losing my job a second time, that I decided to go back to school for a masters, and a career change. Interior design this time around. This is when I started being surrounded by women 4+ years younger than me. Since the degree was targeted to career changers, a lot of our classes were combined with undergrads, until we got to the thesis processes.

I was 28, single, and surrounded by women. By the time I hit 30, I had managed to end the dry spell, but was still having no luck with finding the perfect father for Violetta. Let's face it, my days were focused on school, and you can all assume what kind of men you are likely to meet in interior design school.

It was around this time that I started to formulate my plan to visit a sperm bank for my 35th birthday. I'd move home again, and live with my mom if I had to, but I was not about to let the lack of a father stop me from being a mother. I also realized that it was time to take matters into my own hands. If I wasn't doing something to change my single situation, then I couldn't keep complaining about it, right? I signed up for some of the popular online dating sites, and started to take it seriously.** About nine months in, just before my 31st birthday, I met Hubby, on Ch*mistry.com, one of the personality matching sites. (which I highly recommend if you know anyone who wants to meet someone. It's based on the concept of like personalities being compatible, and is so dead on with me and Hubby). You can see how quickly things progressed by referring to our timeline in the sidebar. But within just over two years of meeting, we were married.

Hubby is 6.5 years older than me. He was 37 when we met. He has also experienced and extended adolescence, which he attributes to just not finding the right girl. He had an engagement in his late twenties which was broken, which would be a set back in anyone's path to marital bliss and parenthood. Early in our relationship, I remember talking about children in the future. He said he could go either way, because it had taken him so long to find the right person, he thought he might have missed the window, and had started to try to accept that possibility.

So, here we are, just a couple of people who had to look long and hard to find each other, who have much more in common with couples 7-10 years younger than us, from where I am in my new career (5 years in), to just having bought our first house 6 months ago.

I mentioned before that my impending birthday is stressing me out. It's killing me to know that I've got 10 follicles, I can feel the egg whites flowing, and yet I am following medical advice to abstain. (yes, we decided to follow doctors orders. I don't think I could bear it if something happened, then went wrong because of lower quality eggs, and we had to wait even longer.) But, with every month that passes, I think, well there's one month closer to 37 I will be by the time I have a baby. How on earth will I ever manage to have two before I really run out of time?*** And Hubby will be nearing retirement just when we need to pay for college. If it takes that much longer, so will I. It's maddening! It took us too long to get to where we are right now. Dragging out the baby making is not helping matters at all.



*The most amazing husband there ever was. In a single day he captured a mouse brought to me in bed by one of our kitties, disposed of another mouse caught by a trap, hung our TV on the living room wall, patched a hole in the bathroom wall where we had a little do-it-yourself plumbing repair job, patched a hole into our basement where we figure the mice we've been seeing lately are entering, and tried to catch a squirrel he found in the basement in a face-off with the gift giving kitty of this morning. Yes, it's been quite a day!


**It seems to be a trend in life that I have to fight hard to make my dreams come true. I managed to find an amazing hubby. I will keep fighting to have an amazing baby too. But really, does everything have to be such a struggle??


***Sometimes I secretly hope for twins. I can't deny it.