Tomorrow!
Had baseline this morning. Oh wandy, how I missed you.
One. more. day. of full dose (40 units) diluted Lupron tomorrow. And then finally, Gonal F starts tomorrow night, 225 once a day. Lupron continues at half dose - 20 units. But I still think I'll have to call in my second refill. 18 days on Lupron. Goodness, this has been slow getting started. But getting started we finally are, so I can't complain.
Based on my previous cycles of 11 days of stims, and 7 days of stims, this puts me at retrieval sometime between next Thursday 1/19 and Mon 1/23. It will be interesting to see how this one plays out.
1.10.2012
1.09.2012
First Blogoversary
It's my one year blogoversary today. It's pretty amazing. I have a much more reflective post in the works, but have yet to find the time and energy to finish it. Hopefully soon. Seeing BIL's pregnant girlfriend yesterday was uneventful. She doesn't yet know that I know, so that makes it easier I guess. And she amazingly really isn't showing. Today, I awoke feeling the seeds of a panic that I have not felt for a long time. As evidenced by my last post, there is a lot on my mind. I've made it a third of the way through the day though, and I'll just keep breathing until it's time to go home. At least I am beginning to feel like a human again. Despite all of this, I did not want today to go by unmarked. So, there you have it. Happy Blogoversary to me!
1.07.2012
Feeling Scattered
I can't really think of an interesting title right now. I am feeling so many things. So, I thought I should just blog them out.
I am feeling tired from this cold that won't go away. I made it through 6 hours of work on Thursday, and 4 in the office, with another hour at home yesterday listening to a conference call from the couch with my eyes closed. Not a bad way to have a call in all honesty. I had thought I felt better yesterday, until the stabbing sinus pains started halfway through the morning. You know the kind, like knifes poking into your eyes and cheeks? Not fun. I spent most of the night cuddled on the couch with Hubby. Today, I still feel like I have a cold, but am feeling better if I don't try to push to hard. It's amazing what a cold can do to your endurance. Which leads me to my next feeling.
I am feeling restless! I have spent so much time lying on the couch in the last week, I'm starting to feel like a pillow! I look around my house, and see all the christmas stuff just piled, waiting to be stuffed back into boxes. Yes, I started this project 6 days ago! It's beginning to make me crazy. I already get sad when I have to undecorate. The fact that this process is taking over a week is driving me insane!
I am feeling like a slob. I counted about 7 pairs of shoes (some Hubby's, some mine) and two pairs of socks (Hubby, why do men insist upon taking their socks off in the living room and leaving them there??) on the living room floor last night because I don't have the energy to pick them up. And it's just not one of Hubby's fortes. He's trying to keep up with the dishes, since he doesn't like me to put away the clean ones when I am sick. But it's just not the same as when I am staying on top of it (and I'm not all that great of a house keepeer to begin with.) The messes are piling up. It's time to do laundry, and I just can't find the energy.
I am stressed about work. I thought my project was on hold for two weeks, so I said I was available and was immediately snatched up by a project badly in need of some help, and more complicated that my stuffy little brain could really get into in the 10 hours I managed in the office this week. And that conference call that I had yesterday? Well, that was my client with the feedback we needed to come off of hold. Two weeks to develop options and go back to Buffalo to present. Guess what else is supposed to go down in two weeks? I'm not too worried about the timing the the cycle part. I just feel badly about the staffing confusing, and leaving another team hanging. But, as Hubby keeps reminding me, staffing is not my problem. If I felt healthier, and didn't have a cycle coming up, I would possibly be able to be a good team player, and put in a few extra hours in the next few weeks to help people out. But then again, why the heck should I? I don't get paid for over time? I guess it's just the constant internal battle of a conscientious employee. I wish I cared more than I actually do sometimes. Most of the time, I am just stressed out that deadlines are going to place pressure on me at an inopportune time for baby making. And then I get pissed off at my job. As far as my main project, I had already let the project manager know back in December that I would not be able to travel for the project in January. It shouldn't be an issue. Hopefully, we will have plenty of time to get the work done without causing me stress. They can go see the client, and I can go have a transfer and some bed rest while they are out of the office.
I am feeling a little lupron loopy, and am impatient to get this show on the road, even if I am glad to have a little more time to kick the cold first. I am so afraid that this won't work again. I started out feeling so optimistic, but the longer it takes to get started, and the longer I battle this cold, the harder it is for me to maintain the excitement and positive thinking. I need cold medicine right now, or there would be no getting better, but I am worried about being all dried up and it effecting my eggs. I am worried about being on Lupron for too long, and being over suppressed like I was if IVF #1. I am worried that since the Lupron is diluted it won't suppress me enough, and when I go in for baseline, my estrogen will be too high and they will say we have to wait, and then we will have booked a vacation, and will have to wait even longer (because due to Hubby's work schedule, that's when the vacation has to be or it's not happening). I am grateful that the Lupron is diluted because I can't imagine having those headaches at 3pm every day for 6 extra days. There are many fewer side effects, except that I am feeling emotionally unstable, that's for sure.
I am anxious for tomorrow. Tomorrow is finally our Christmas with Hubby's family. It's traditionally the sunday after Christmas, but was put off a week this year in favor of New Year's Day. It will be the first time we see (we think, she may bail) BIL's pregnant girlfriend. They are not planning to announce anything to the family tomorrow, because they still haven't figured out what they are doing long term. But, let's get real here people. If she's due in the beginning of June, then she's got to be 17 or so weeks by now. I've seen all your belly pictures out there ladies. She's a small girl. How is she hiding this? I'm nearly positive that there will be at least a few savy ladies tomorrow who will pick up on something, and I don't trust at least one of them not to make a thing of it, at least in whispers. And then there is the cousin who we know is trying. Although, she was drinking at Thanksgiving. My theory is that is she were to be pregnant enough to announce tomorrow, then she would have been already pregnant then. So, I'm trying no to worry about that fact too much.
I am worried about Hubby, who has been sleeping up a storm, and obsessively playing mindless solitaire games on his iPhone. He's preoccupied with his brother, and his mother's health, and work. But I need him. I need him to help me get the house in order. I need him to be involved in this cycle. I have done all of my injections this time thus far. I need him to have a conversation with me in the evening about life in general. I need to see him laugh and smile. That's one of the reasons this vacation is so important. Speaking of which, we are leaning toward Aruba, which seems to be at the higher end of our budget, but we're going to try to make it work. But every time I think I found a reasonable place, I read about it on trip advisor and find that a bunch of people are bashing it for being musty or something. I hate travel research! It's so much pressure to find something because so much money will be spent, and Hubby and I do not have the best track record with vacations. Ugh! So, yeah, there's yet another thing on my mind. I did get the all clear to fly from the doctor though. If this works, I'll have u/s at 5.5 weeks, and between 7.5 - 8 weeks. We're planning to travel around week 7, so all should work out perfectly.
I am feeling inertia. So many things I want and need to do, so little energy to actually get them started, but the longer I put them off, the crazier it makes me. So, I think I will heat up some lunch, and try to gather up the laundry, start a load, and then I'll probably have to rest on the couch for another 20 minutes or so. I just need to muster up a bit of strength to get this object at rest into motion, at least for a few minutes.
I am feeling tired from this cold that won't go away. I made it through 6 hours of work on Thursday, and 4 in the office, with another hour at home yesterday listening to a conference call from the couch with my eyes closed. Not a bad way to have a call in all honesty. I had thought I felt better yesterday, until the stabbing sinus pains started halfway through the morning. You know the kind, like knifes poking into your eyes and cheeks? Not fun. I spent most of the night cuddled on the couch with Hubby. Today, I still feel like I have a cold, but am feeling better if I don't try to push to hard. It's amazing what a cold can do to your endurance. Which leads me to my next feeling.
I am feeling restless! I have spent so much time lying on the couch in the last week, I'm starting to feel like a pillow! I look around my house, and see all the christmas stuff just piled, waiting to be stuffed back into boxes. Yes, I started this project 6 days ago! It's beginning to make me crazy. I already get sad when I have to undecorate. The fact that this process is taking over a week is driving me insane!
I am feeling like a slob. I counted about 7 pairs of shoes (some Hubby's, some mine) and two pairs of socks (Hubby, why do men insist upon taking their socks off in the living room and leaving them there??) on the living room floor last night because I don't have the energy to pick them up. And it's just not one of Hubby's fortes. He's trying to keep up with the dishes, since he doesn't like me to put away the clean ones when I am sick. But it's just not the same as when I am staying on top of it (and I'm not all that great of a house keepeer to begin with.) The messes are piling up. It's time to do laundry, and I just can't find the energy.
I am stressed about work. I thought my project was on hold for two weeks, so I said I was available and was immediately snatched up by a project badly in need of some help, and more complicated that my stuffy little brain could really get into in the 10 hours I managed in the office this week. And that conference call that I had yesterday? Well, that was my client with the feedback we needed to come off of hold. Two weeks to develop options and go back to Buffalo to present. Guess what else is supposed to go down in two weeks? I'm not too worried about the timing the the cycle part. I just feel badly about the staffing confusing, and leaving another team hanging. But, as Hubby keeps reminding me, staffing is not my problem. If I felt healthier, and didn't have a cycle coming up, I would possibly be able to be a good team player, and put in a few extra hours in the next few weeks to help people out. But then again, why the heck should I? I don't get paid for over time? I guess it's just the constant internal battle of a conscientious employee. I wish I cared more than I actually do sometimes. Most of the time, I am just stressed out that deadlines are going to place pressure on me at an inopportune time for baby making. And then I get pissed off at my job. As far as my main project, I had already let the project manager know back in December that I would not be able to travel for the project in January. It shouldn't be an issue. Hopefully, we will have plenty of time to get the work done without causing me stress. They can go see the client, and I can go have a transfer and some bed rest while they are out of the office.
I am feeling a little lupron loopy, and am impatient to get this show on the road, even if I am glad to have a little more time to kick the cold first. I am so afraid that this won't work again. I started out feeling so optimistic, but the longer it takes to get started, and the longer I battle this cold, the harder it is for me to maintain the excitement and positive thinking. I need cold medicine right now, or there would be no getting better, but I am worried about being all dried up and it effecting my eggs. I am worried about being on Lupron for too long, and being over suppressed like I was if IVF #1. I am worried that since the Lupron is diluted it won't suppress me enough, and when I go in for baseline, my estrogen will be too high and they will say we have to wait, and then we will have booked a vacation, and will have to wait even longer (because due to Hubby's work schedule, that's when the vacation has to be or it's not happening). I am grateful that the Lupron is diluted because I can't imagine having those headaches at 3pm every day for 6 extra days. There are many fewer side effects, except that I am feeling emotionally unstable, that's for sure.
I am anxious for tomorrow. Tomorrow is finally our Christmas with Hubby's family. It's traditionally the sunday after Christmas, but was put off a week this year in favor of New Year's Day. It will be the first time we see (we think, she may bail) BIL's pregnant girlfriend. They are not planning to announce anything to the family tomorrow, because they still haven't figured out what they are doing long term. But, let's get real here people. If she's due in the beginning of June, then she's got to be 17 or so weeks by now. I've seen all your belly pictures out there ladies. She's a small girl. How is she hiding this? I'm nearly positive that there will be at least a few savy ladies tomorrow who will pick up on something, and I don't trust at least one of them not to make a thing of it, at least in whispers. And then there is the cousin who we know is trying. Although, she was drinking at Thanksgiving. My theory is that is she were to be pregnant enough to announce tomorrow, then she would have been already pregnant then. So, I'm trying no to worry about that fact too much.
I am worried about Hubby, who has been sleeping up a storm, and obsessively playing mindless solitaire games on his iPhone. He's preoccupied with his brother, and his mother's health, and work. But I need him. I need him to help me get the house in order. I need him to be involved in this cycle. I have done all of my injections this time thus far. I need him to have a conversation with me in the evening about life in general. I need to see him laugh and smile. That's one of the reasons this vacation is so important. Speaking of which, we are leaning toward Aruba, which seems to be at the higher end of our budget, but we're going to try to make it work. But every time I think I found a reasonable place, I read about it on trip advisor and find that a bunch of people are bashing it for being musty or something. I hate travel research! It's so much pressure to find something because so much money will be spent, and Hubby and I do not have the best track record with vacations. Ugh! So, yeah, there's yet another thing on my mind. I did get the all clear to fly from the doctor though. If this works, I'll have u/s at 5.5 weeks, and between 7.5 - 8 weeks. We're planning to travel around week 7, so all should work out perfectly.
I am feeling inertia. So many things I want and need to do, so little energy to actually get them started, but the longer I put them off, the crazier it makes me. So, I think I will heat up some lunch, and try to gather up the laundry, start a load, and then I'll probably have to rest on the couch for another 20 minutes or so. I just need to muster up a bit of strength to get this object at rest into motion, at least for a few minutes.
1.05.2012
It's Always Something
I made it to work today. I'm not so sure it was the brightest idea, but I could see my PTO bank (paid time off, vacation and sick time in one pool) disappearing before my very eyes. And, one of my coworkers is leaving and her farewell was this afternoon. I wanted to see her off. I did leave by 4 this afternoon though.
In any case, sometime this morning, a trip to the bathroom revealed the slightest tinge of brown on the tissue. Whew, I thought. I don't have to call the nurse, yet again, to reschedule my baseline. We can finally get this show on the road!
But then, right after 3 in the afternoon, shortly after I would have had to call in if not for starting to spot. My phone range with my clinic's number. Strange. I don't need to postpone again...why are they calling me? I let it go to voicemail since I was at my desk in the open, but then immediately listened to the message.
Apparently, they are now intentionally delaying my baseline to next Tuesday morning (at 7am...what happend to my 7:30, don't they know they kill me with that first appointment of the day and send all of my coworkers in to shock when I appear at work closer to 8 than 9?). Why, you might ask? I guess there was some construction in the embryology lab during their closing for the holiday and there is one part that hasn't yet come in. So, they are delaying me now so that I won't have to have my retrieval elsewhere.
I suppose I would find this incredibly frustrating if not for the fact that now I have 5 more days to recover from the cold from hell! In case you are curious, breathing is going much better, but I'm starting to get that awesome chest cough now. Mmmm, my favorite.
I headed to acupuncture tonight, despite the delay in starting stims, in hopes that it might offer some relief from the cold. My head definitely felt somewhat lighter when I left. We'll see what tomorrow brings. At least it's Friday already!
In other good news, Hubby was able to get the last week of Feb/first week of March off and we are planning a tropical beach vacation!! If all goes well, this will be a few weeks after beta. I know it might be a crazy time to travel, but we need this trip like you wouldn't believe, especially after the work year he just finished, and no matter what the result of this cycle. If it works, then it's our last chance to relax on the beach without babies, and if it doesn't, well, then, need I say more. I need to plan this because life has to be about more than the ttc process. Hubby and I need to get away and have time together. I'm so sick of having to plan (or not) everything around what ifs. So, we're going to go for it. Although, I will give the doctor a call and ask her opinion of air travel halfway through the first trimester just to be sure.
OK, that said, anyone have any favorite tropical destinations that are easy to get to from the east coast? (no small planes, hubby won't do it.) Please share!
In any case, sometime this morning, a trip to the bathroom revealed the slightest tinge of brown on the tissue. Whew, I thought. I don't have to call the nurse, yet again, to reschedule my baseline. We can finally get this show on the road!
But then, right after 3 in the afternoon, shortly after I would have had to call in if not for starting to spot. My phone range with my clinic's number. Strange. I don't need to postpone again...why are they calling me? I let it go to voicemail since I was at my desk in the open, but then immediately listened to the message.
Apparently, they are now intentionally delaying my baseline to next Tuesday morning (at 7am...what happend to my 7:30, don't they know they kill me with that first appointment of the day and send all of my coworkers in to shock when I appear at work closer to 8 than 9?). Why, you might ask? I guess there was some construction in the embryology lab during their closing for the holiday and there is one part that hasn't yet come in. So, they are delaying me now so that I won't have to have my retrieval elsewhere.
I suppose I would find this incredibly frustrating if not for the fact that now I have 5 more days to recover from the cold from hell! In case you are curious, breathing is going much better, but I'm starting to get that awesome chest cough now. Mmmm, my favorite.
I headed to acupuncture tonight, despite the delay in starting stims, in hopes that it might offer some relief from the cold. My head definitely felt somewhat lighter when I left. We'll see what tomorrow brings. At least it's Friday already!
In other good news, Hubby was able to get the last week of Feb/first week of March off and we are planning a tropical beach vacation!! If all goes well, this will be a few weeks after beta. I know it might be a crazy time to travel, but we need this trip like you wouldn't believe, especially after the work year he just finished, and no matter what the result of this cycle. If it works, then it's our last chance to relax on the beach without babies, and if it doesn't, well, then, need I say more. I need to plan this because life has to be about more than the ttc process. Hubby and I need to get away and have time together. I'm so sick of having to plan (or not) everything around what ifs. So, we're going to go for it. Although, I will give the doctor a call and ask her opinion of air travel halfway through the first trimester just to be sure.
OK, that said, anyone have any favorite tropical destinations that are easy to get to from the east coast? (no small planes, hubby won't do it.) Please share!
1.04.2012
Still Sick
I stayed home again today. I'm glad that work is slow right now, and I don't have to feel guilty over taking care of myself. I slept most of the day, and I am feeling slightly better than yesterday. Yesterday, I was soooo stuffed up there was literally no air passing through my nose. Today, I can breathe again, although not perfectly. I have been sneezing, and am starting to get a cough, but these things I can deal with. It's the completely stuffed up head that is really hard to take. If that's behind me, I think I should be able to make it back to work tomorrow. I don't want to use up all my personal time on this cold! I need time off soon for retrieval/transfer and bed rest!
And...still no sign of Auntie. I've rescheduled baseline twice. It is now scheduled for Friday morning. Chickenpig, I'm not sure why they don't just let me tell them when she shows up. They schedule it after 10 days of Lupron. I have to remember, that I started Lupron on Day 19 instead of Day 22 because of my holiday travel. With my first cycle with Lupron, she didn't show until Day 32, which was baseline day. This time, that would be Saturday. So, we shall see where we are by 2:30 tomorrow (early enough to call the nurse and get a call back that day).
In any case, I am trying to to be frustrated about the delay, because I need this time to get healthy. I'm really paranoid about having to cancel because of this stupid cold. I haven't been sick like this in a really long time (all those prenatal vitamins and all.) I don't even know where the hell it came from. I've barely been out in the world for over a week, just around family and a small group of friend, non of whom seemed to be sick. This really came out of nowhere and hit me like a brick! What a way to welcome the new year!
And...still no sign of Auntie. I've rescheduled baseline twice. It is now scheduled for Friday morning. Chickenpig, I'm not sure why they don't just let me tell them when she shows up. They schedule it after 10 days of Lupron. I have to remember, that I started Lupron on Day 19 instead of Day 22 because of my holiday travel. With my first cycle with Lupron, she didn't show until Day 32, which was baseline day. This time, that would be Saturday. So, we shall see where we are by 2:30 tomorrow (early enough to call the nurse and get a call back that day).
In any case, I am trying to to be frustrated about the delay, because I need this time to get healthy. I'm really paranoid about having to cancel because of this stupid cold. I haven't been sick like this in a really long time (all those prenatal vitamins and all.) I don't even know where the hell it came from. I've barely been out in the world for over a week, just around family and a small group of friend, non of whom seemed to be sick. This really came out of nowhere and hit me like a brick! What a way to welcome the new year!
1.03.2012
So Stuffy!
Well, one of these days I will get around to that reflective, goal setting post. But, today, I am home sick on what should be the first day back to work after the holiday break. Yesterday, I woke up with a sore throat of the post nasal drip variety. I felt a little warm eyed all day, but not too stuffy. But last night, ugh, it came on in full force. I was awake for a solid two hours at least in the middle of the night, just stuffed up and uncomfortable!
This morning, the sinus pain was in fill force. I decided to take advantage of the fact that my project at work is hold for two weeks, and they haven't had a chance to figure out what random tasks will fill my time, and I emailed in sick.
I need to rest, and save up my energy because baseline is supposed to be tomorrow... although, as per usual, I'm supposed to be spotting by now, and of course, I am not yet. I am giving it until 2:30 before I call and let the nurse know. For my first cycle, I didn't start spotting until the day of baseline, and even though I called the day before to tell them I wasn't yet, they had me come in anyway, so we will see what happens. Why is that Auntie Flo continues to be the most uncooperative relative I have?
Based on my emotional state yesterday (I was weeping over taking down the tree!), she should be here any minute. She has three hours to shape up.
And I have a few days to get rid of this cold!
This morning, the sinus pain was in fill force. I decided to take advantage of the fact that my project at work is hold for two weeks, and they haven't had a chance to figure out what random tasks will fill my time, and I emailed in sick.
I need to rest, and save up my energy because baseline is supposed to be tomorrow... although, as per usual, I'm supposed to be spotting by now, and of course, I am not yet. I am giving it until 2:30 before I call and let the nurse know. For my first cycle, I didn't start spotting until the day of baseline, and even though I called the day before to tell them I wasn't yet, they had me come in anyway, so we will see what happens. Why is that Auntie Flo continues to be the most uncooperative relative I have?
Based on my emotional state yesterday (I was weeping over taking down the tree!), she should be here any minute. She has three hours to shape up.
And I have a few days to get rid of this cold!
1.01.2012
Happy New Year!
I'd planned to write an inspiring post about what I want 2012 to be, but after staying up far too late last night hosting our party, I am much too sleepy to be eloquent. And, my blogiversary is coming up next week, so that might be a good time to think about the upcoming year. Instead, I wanted to say a quick Happy New Year and share a few pictures from our party last night...
That's me, all ready to party in my new dress!
Here I am with a flash so you can see that the dress is actually purple, not black.
Don't you love that Hubby color coordinated with me?
We enjoy theme parties, and wanted to do something around the fact that the Mayan calender ends in December 2012. We decided to call our party "The Last New Year's Party" and went with a Mexican fiesta theme. The flavored chocolate (chili, salt & pepper, and cinnamon) was a big hit. And of course, every fiesta needs a lot of guac!
The party was a lot of fun. I can't believe it's 2012. That's insane. I also can't believe that I have only one more day off of work. It's been a nice long break! And lastly, I can't believe that I am 8 shots of lupron into IVF 3.0! What the heck?
Hope you are all enjoying New Year's Day!
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