8.23.2012
Prenatal Depression
The PAIL blog had an interesting post about prenatal depression. Given my emotional state of late, it really hit home, and I thought I would share the comment I posted there for those of you who aren't regular readers. Also, as always, thank you all for the support. I'm not always the best commentor, but you guys are there for me anyway, making me feel normal and encouraging me that everything will work out.
I just wrote this post about some of the emotional issues that I am struggling with, and yes, I'll admit, I feared offending some of my still TTC readers. But first and foremost, my blog is for me to deal with what's on my mind. It is extremely difficult to have spent nearly three years ttc, and then to face moments in my pregnancy when I am just. not. happy. I know this might not seem right to some, but I've suffered with anxiety and depression for over a decade, and spent about 8 years on meds. It's chemical. It's hormonal. It's not always a choice to just "be happy."
Like the author of the article, I went off in anticipation of ttc, 3.5 years before we actually succeeded. Some days were easy. Others, not so much. Especially when I was on Clomid. I thought I was literally loosing my mind. My RE did state that she felt anxiety and depression are under-diagnosed in women who are struggle with infertility, and that I should not feel badly should I need to go back on something. I've managed to stay off, but I have a constant dialogue running in my head to keep myself sane, and thankfully lots of support from this great community that reminds me that I'm not a lone. And trust me when I say I will be watching very closely for signs on PPD.
I came across another interesting article this week on a related topic. Ducky posted it. It's about how infertile women are at risk for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It makes me wonder that if we're more prone to PTSD, are we more prone to prenatal and post-partum depression as well? A long struggle with IF really wears on one's psyche, that is for sure.
And I do think that we are reluctant to talk about it in the IF community. I have seen pregnant and parenting bloggers bashed by others for not struggling enough, or for daring to complain about making it successfully to the other side. It is very upsetting to see that happen in a community which is usually so supportive. What I have tried to do with my own blog is to share the realities of my experience. Both the good and the bad. Infertility is hard. Pregnancy is hard. Parenting is hard. Life is just plain hard. Anxiety and depression are a fact of life for many people in different phases of life. If I can make someone feel less alone because I choose to "complain" about the struggles of pregnancy in an honest manner on my blog, than I consider my blog to be a success.
I'm very grateful to be a part of the PAIL community which is encouraging discussion on thought provoking and important topics.
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Your honesty and candidness have given insight into what real life is. It's not all rainbows and unicorn farts once you get pregnant after IF, nor does it become some magical cloud 9 when the baby is born. It's effing hard, it's scary, it's different. I'm actually jealous of those women who get the happy go lucky world....it's not alway like that and it's OK.
ReplyDeletePTSD, PPD, and other side effects are very real and scary. I was diagnosed with PPD 6 months after giving birth...I was able to stay off meds, but only through intensive therapy.
You are not alone and thank you for helping me realize I'm not alone!!!
From what I've experienced and listened to from other pregnant people its more common than most of us would like to think about. Depression happens.
ReplyDeleteGreat post and very interesting article about PTSD. I'm still in the IF trenches and not yet a mom, but have been going to therapy regularly for some time now and have been diagnosed with depression as well as PTSD. If you would have asked me a year ago if depression ran in our family I would have said unequivocally, "no". In looking back at family history and getting my parents to talk about their parents more openly, it looks like DO have a history (both grandpas) and currently an uncle who was very recently diagnosed bipolar. My PTSD diagnosis shocked me, but makes complete sense, especially after reading this article you linked to your blog. Dealing with depression is completely new to me AND my family. It's been swept under the rug for so long and I'm the first one to pull it back and deal with it! So thanks for addressing this all too common issue...especially in our community.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your honesty about depression. I gotta say, now that the baby is here, there are days I wonder how we could possibly have fought so hard for THIS. It feels like your life is over and I mourn our old carefree life. I can easily see how depression could take hold if one were prone to it...it's rough. I think you being aware of your vulnerability is a great first step in warding off PPD.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your honesty. I most definately think I have PTSD, it comes out all the time in this second pregnancy. I am hopeful that I might have avoided depression, but it's such a fine line. How sad are you allowed to be before you are diagnosed? I can easily see how after all that IF'ers have been through, they are more prone to PPD. I pray it doesn't happen to any of us.
ReplyDeleteAmen sister. I've been open about my anxiety issues with good and bad feedback from the bloggers. I know I'm prone to PPD because of past history, but I think the anxiety can be an even bigger problem. I'm so glad you are posting about this. I support you 100%!
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