Seven

My handsome little man (we are worried you will never learn your name, as we have so many nicknames for you), you are seven months old already. Seriously kiddo, where on earth does the time go? I swear, with every day that passes, you can do something new.

What's your biggest new trick this month? Crawling! You're not very smooth about it yet, and you don't go very fast or far, but you can make it all the way across the living room if there is something you want badly enough...like a remote or an iPhone. Boy, do we need to keep an eye on you now! You are so curious, and love to check out any new object you set your sights on. There truly is nothing better than watching you learn about your world.

Aside from crawling, you are a rolling pro now. There is pretty much no keeping you flat on your back on the changing table any more, which makes diaper changes...well, challenging. I've given up getting you dressed up there. It's much easier to set you down on the floor to attack some toys while we struggle. And there is no telling what position you will end up in when we put you down in your crib. I often see you turned completely perpendicular to the side when I watch you on the monitor.

You seem to have finally figured out that I am your mommy. It's the best feeling in the world when I see you reach your arms up for me to grab you and give you a hug. Melts. My. Heart. You give the best hugs too...you grab my face between your little hands, and sort of do a head but. Sometimes there are kisses too. Big, sloppy, open mouth kisses. There's nothing better.

This month was a month of big changes for our family. You started day care, three days a week, at the local YMCA. You really seem to love it so far. Your face lights up when you see your teachers in the morning, and you barely seem to notice me when I come to get you at the end of the day. I'm told you are very busy there every day, doing the things that babies do!

Unfortunately, after only your second day there, you came down with a nasty cold and ended up missing what was supposed to be your third day there! You were on two kinds of antibiotics. A liquid, and an eye ointment. Basically, you had an eye, ear and nose infection all at once. Poor little guy.

And then, Mommy and Daddy got sick too! Daddy got your pink eye. Except for him, it was red, and really frightening! He ended up missing three days of work. We are all just now on the upswing. I think it will take a little while before we are all feeling normal again.

Anyway, the whole reason you started daycare, is because I went back to work. So far, it's going ok. But I really would rather be hanging with my peanut. In the long run, though, I think it's a healthy decision for all of us. You are clearly getting a lot more than just a cold from your daycare experience. And my income will keep many more opportunities available for our family. It's just going to take me awhile to get used to not being with you for the majority of every day. You are quite simply, the light of my life.

*no big surprise, don't have the photos ready, so here's a few from Mother's Day...and the six month photo is up now too. 

Lockdown

There aren't really words to describe the surrealism of what has happened this week in the city I've called home for the last fifteen years. I've made no secret of the fact that I live in Metro Boston. And I am in fact in one of the cities bordering on Watertown, that has been asked to remain at home today. I work in Watertown. The Target that I often frequent is in across from the parking lot that has been overtaken by law enforcement today in the manhunt for the Marathon Bomber. Sitting at home today with L and Hubby, whose office was closed, I can't seem to wrap my mind around it.

It's hard to describe the importance of the Boston Marathon to someone who hasn't witnessed it. I watched my first race a block from the finish line, five floors above where the second bomb went off. I worked in that white building you can see behind the big puff of smoke for two years when I first moved to Boston. I walked past the finish line twice a day on my way to and from my office from the subway.

My company had a party that day. I didn't really understand the hype, having moved to Boston the previous fall. But the city basically turns into a 26 mile party. People are happy. The city is full of energy and celebration. People enjoy the fresh air and sunshine, and support the runners who are accomplishing great personal goals. And that's what struck me. Just how inspiring it was to watch thousands of people running down Boylston Street, long after the elite runners had already finished the race. My coworkers and I hung out those fifth floor windows for hours, cheering on the seemingly endless stream of runners. It never got boring.

I will never have the desire to run a marathon myself. The longest I've ever run in my life was two miles back when I was forced to in high school. I pretty much despise running. Which was why I was  struck by the emotion I felt watching so many average, everyday people, who had worked so hard to accomplish their goal, pass by those windows, one block from the finish line. Five stories above, and fourteen years before that second bomb.

I am so sad, and filled with disbelief that something like this could happen in the place I chose to call my home. I am devastated for those who lost their lives, those who lost their limbs, those who lost their innocence. I am devastated for those who worked and trained so hard for months to accomplish the goal of crossing that finish line, and had their dream cut short by this tragedy. For some reason, I really find myself focusing on those who had their dream cut short. Maybe that is somehow easier than to think about the poor eight-year old boy who had his life cut way too short when he was just so excited to cheer on his daddy. I had actually thought to myself this Monday morning, about how fun it would be someday, to bring L to see the marathon, so he too could see how inspiring it is to cheer people on who are accomplishing their dreams.

I simply cannot comprehend it.

Thirty Days of Fabulous Challenge

The lovely C.hon from Life Begins is hosting a challenge this month. 30 Days of Fabulous! Our Creativity Challenge in the late summer of 2011 was such a life saver for me, as I waited for my second IVF cycle to start. How could I not decide to participate in this?

Starting today, I plan to join her in working on being fabulous for the next 30 days. It's perfect timing for me to focus on myself, as I have one week left until L starts daycare, and two until I start work. It's time to focus on myself and my appearance a little bit more. I'm not sure how much I'll manage to accomplish, but simply an awareness of wanting to be more fabulous, whether or not I manage to cross everything off the list, is surely a step in the right direction, right?

I'm hoping to be able to share some photos along the way using instagram and #30dayfabulouschallenge. Email me if you would like to follow me there and I will tell you how to find me. (or on facebook or pinterest for that matter...I'm really enjoying keeping up with my blogger friends through other means these days). I'll be back here in 30 days, if not before to let you know how I did.

So, without further ado, I challenge you all to be fabulous!

Half

My precious little peanut, you are six months old (well, and a couple days...you're mama is not doing well at being on time these days!) That means you are a half. A half of a year. And what an amazing half of a year it has been!

This month, you are like a completely different kid that you were last month. It's truly awesome, the speed with which you gain new skills. In the past month you have started to sit up on your own, and are quite skilled at it. You can stand on your own if you have something to lean/hold on to. You understand what to do when you are lying on your back and I hold my hands out to you. You grab my hands and start to lift your head like you are doing a crunch, knowing that I am going to pull you up into a sitting position. From there, you did your feet into the ground and stand all the way up with the biggest look of pride on your face. You have rolled from you back to your belly once or twice, but I have yet to catch you in the act. You sit up in the sink for your baths now, instead of in your little seat, and splash the water like a crazy man. I am thrilled that you seem to love the water, as I intend to sign us up for swimming lessons in the coming months. Oh, and I almost forgot my favorite new skill...raspberries. You have started blowing raspberries. Usually in combination with uttering one of your two consonant sounds..."deee." It goes something like this...."Phluhuhuhuhuh...unnn deee!" You also make a g sound at times that sounds like "unh-gah." And your feet! You have found your feet! How could I forget that part! Yes indeed, little man, it has been quite the developmental month.

You've also had a bunch of new experiences this month. The first, was flying to England. It would not have been my choice for you first flight to be a 6 hour red-eye across the ocean to another country. I will forever harass your Uncle W for moving across the Atlantic. But, you did handle the situation like a pro...once we got on the plane. We were supposed to fly on your 5th month birthday. We got the airport and through security with no issues. We all had dinner while we waited for boarding time. When it was almost time, I brought you to the bathroom to change you one last time. When I picked you up from the table, you spit up. Perfect timing, it just figures, I thought to myself, until I looked down and saw that what you had spit up was blood! Oh Luigi, way to freak your mama out. Let me tell you. I got us both cleaned up and went to find Daddy. We decided we could not get on the plane that night and instead headed to the ER to have you checked out. You remained your charming, happy little self the whole time. It didn't appear you knew anything was wrong. They confirmed this at the ER. The doctors told us to hurry you our of there because there was nothing wrong with you and there were too many people with the flu there. They gave us a letter stating that you were healthy enough to fly the next day. And we did! The entire staff of Virgin Atlantic knew who you were when showed up back at the airport the next day. You flew like a champ. We had a bassinet in the bulkhead, which you didn't much care for, but Daddy and I took turns holding you and you slept the whole time.

As for the blood, the theory is that you injured me while nursing, and swallowed some of my blood, which is what you spit up. We were so relieved to know that you were ok.

Our visit in England was fantastic. It was so much fun to see you play with your cousins Lady C and Baby G. You all really seemed to enjoy each other. We will be seeing them again for a few days in July. And I really hope they decide to move back to the states soon so we can see them more often. While we were there, you had your first babysitter who is not related to you. You did great with that, even though you were still awake when we got home. I'll blame jet lag.

Some of the other new things you did this month included going on the swing in the playground near our house, sitting in the high chair at a restaurant, riding in your new stroller facing forward so you can sit more upright and look out at the world, and visiting the local children's museum to celebrate my birthday. You are also now sleeping in your own room through (most) of the night!

Ooh, and how could I possible forget your teeth! You have two of them. The bottom ones in the front. The second one is still barely in, but it's through the gum and hopefully isn't bothering you too much at the moment. I love seeing you smile and catching a glimpse of those teeth. I haven't managed to catch them in a photo yet, but you know I won't stop trying!

*four and five month photos are up. And here's a few of L, in no particular order, to tide you over until I get his 6 month photo
shoot done and processed. 

First Swing

First Restaurant High Chair

Easter Finest

Two Little Monkeys

Hanging with Lady C

Cousins

At the pub with Daddy

Proof he was in England

Best Buds!

Flying in Style (Briefly)

Family Portrait

Sitting Like a Rockstar

Standing!

Loving the Bath

Enjoying Spring!

Ok, I might have gotten a bit carried away...you don't mind, right?

38 and Feeling Great

I turned 38 last week on April 4th. And I have to say, I am feeling better than I have in a long, long while. I know I've been kind of quiet around these parts lately. There has been a lot of talk about healing. And I think that's what I've been doing. Healing from IF, healing from PPD, not to mentiong healing from a sinus infection and a stomach bug! And today, at least in this very moment, I am feeling great!

The medications and the therapy have made all the difference in the world for my mood. I am finally feeling confident, and capable, and no longer freak out at the thought of Hubby possibly having to spend a few nights away. (we'll see how I feel if/when this actually happens right when I go back to work!) Leo is changing and growing every day, and it is pure joy to watch him take on the world. More about what he's up to in the next day or so when I write his 6 month post. (how on earth did 6 months go by so darn quickly??)

When I look at photos of myself these days, I am beginning to see my sparkle again. My smile seems genuine, no longer forced. And being nearly 30 pounds lighter than I was 5 years ago when I go married doesn't hurt either. I'm not really looking forward to starting work again in three weeks, but I am looking forward to going back looking and feeling better than I have since before I started this job. 

I do feel like I don't have much to say these days. And I think that's because I'm happy. I finally have the family I've dreamed of. It's spring, the sun is shining, the days are longer. I want to spend my time enjoying my life instead of documenting it. I feel less of a need to write when things are going well. There is less to work through, to process. It's easier to just be. 

I'm sure there will be times when I'll still need this space. I'm not going to make any decisions about giving it up right now. This community is too valuable of a resource! I still plan to post L's monthly updates here for at least his first year. After that, who knows. 

I'll leave you with this shot of my little cutie enjoying his first trip to the Boston Children's Museum, which is how we celebrated my birthday. 

Five and a little bit

Luigi, my little peanut, you turned five months old a week and a half ago already. Can you please ask time to slow down? This last month has brought amazing changes. It is truly amazing to watch! But it is going by so fast. So, so fast.

The biggest development this month was giving you your first solid foods. Granny was visiting during school vacation week. While we were having dinner, we noticed you watching us intently. Granny suggested giving you some ripe banana that was sitting on the counter. We hadn't planned to start before we took our trip to England, but we went for it. And you loved it! You grabbed the spoon right out of Daddy's hand, and with a little shake of your head, chomped right down on it. It is the sweetest thing ever. Since then, we've tried pears, avocado, sweet potatoes and peaches. Peas are next on the list. I don't want you to get too much of a sweet tooth! But so far, you haven't rejected anything. In fact, you are more likely to fuss while you are awaiting the next full spoon to arrive at your lips.

You are sitting up a bit now if I position you, and can stay that way for a minute or so before you inevitably tip over and land on you belly. I think you are going to be fearless because these little topples hardly seem to phase you. You are still rolling from your belly to your back, and have made it from your back to your side, but not all the way over yet.

You are definitely noticing the world around you now. Your curiosity is a delight. In fact, delight is a word often used to describe you. You are fascinated when I turn on the faucet in the sink. You lean right over, so sometimes I let you hold you hands in the water. You are also enjoying having the water spray on your belly during your baths in the sink. When I carry you over to your dresser to grab a pair of socks, you lean over and peer inside the drawer, wanting to see and touch what is inside. I am so enjoying watching you learn about the world.

One of my favorite new things you do is reaching out and touching Daddy's or my face. You really like to touch our lips, and sometimes put your fingers in our mouths, smiling when I make funny noises. You look intently into my eyes when you do this, like you are trying to remember every detail. I am too my sweet boy. I am too.

Seeking Inspiration/20 Questions

I just haven't been feeling it lately. It could be the sinus infection that took up much of my February, or the fact that I've been on z*loft for a little over a month and might be suffering a bit from apathy. It might be that I've got less than two months left at home with my little man, and I want to soak him up. It could be that my mom got be addicted to a silly game called Ruzzle which mindlessly takes up my nights not instead of blogging or working on photo projects, etc. Whatever it is, I'm struggling to find the motivation to write. Maybe I just don't need it right now. But, I do miss it. I miss the action of my fingers clicking across the keyboard. So, PAIL's 20 Questions seemed like an easy way to spend some time with the laptop again.

What was the last thing you threw in the garbage/recycling?—A Dunkin Donuts decaf coffee pod.

What’s the #1 most played song on your iPod?—Haven't really been playing it much lately. I've been listening to Pandora. But my favorite playlist is one I compiled from a bunch of songs that have been on So You Think You Can Dance over the years. 

What is your favorite quote?—I've always loved this one from Dreams for an Insomniac. "Anything less than mad, passionate, extrodinary love is a waste of your time. There are to many ordinary things in life, love shouldn't be one of them."

What chore do you absolutely hate doing?—Cleaning the bathroom.

What is your favorite form of exercise?—Eating? I wish I had a favorite form of exercise. That would make it easier to get some. I used to be a dancer. Now, I pretty much just walk for exercise. 

What is your favorite time of day/day of the week/month of the year?—These days, I love my afternoon naps with L. My favorite day is Saturday because it's just the beginning of two days of family time. My favorite month is October. I love the weather, just starting to get cool, the colors, the crispness, Halloween! Any excuse to play dress up! And now I get to celebrate my little man's birthday in my favorite month every year.

What is on your bedside table?—More prescription medications than I would care to admit, an alarm clock radio/iphone dock, a lamp, two coasters, a glass of water, earrings, a baby monitor, a hair clip.

What is your favorite body part?—On myself, I've always love my eyes, and my wrists. My wrists are dainty and skinny like the rest of me is not!

Would you use the power of invisibility for good or evil? Elaborate.—Oooh, tough one. I hate to admit it, but it's true, I might just use it for personal gain. And some might consider that to be evil. 

If you could choose to stay a certain age forever, what age would it be?—28, but I wish I could have known my husband then. I had so much more energy for life back then! And fewer worries somehow, even though I was essentially an unemployed grad student living off credit cards!

What is the first thing you would do if you won the lottery?—Buy a bigger house. And furnish it. 

What is your biggest pet peeve?—Hmmm...Judging by the fact that my blood pressure rises every time I have to go through a four-way stop sign, I might have to say the complete misunderstanding of so many drivers as to what you are actually supposed to do in that situation. 

If you could know the answer to any question, what would it be?—Are there really other planets out there with some sort of life form?

At what age did you become an adult?—37.5, when I gave birth to L. I might have been pretending to be a grown up for the last 15 years, but being responsible for another human being really seals the deal. 

Recommend a book, movie, or television show in three sentences or less.—Modern Family makes me laugh out loud every single week. I think anyone can find someone to identify with on that show. I find myself thinking "yes, exactly!" all the time. 

What did you do growing up that got you into trouble?—I was a goody two-shoes. I didn't really get into trouble. Or, if I tried, I didn't get caught! I did get in trouble in first grade for making a doll house in my desk and playing with that during lessons instead of listening. And in third grade for putting elmer's glue on my hands and peeling it off when it dried. I sound totally lame. 

What was the first album you bought with your own money?—Goodness, I have no recollection, but I am old enough that it was certainly a cassette tape. Probably Madonna. I do remember that the Immaculate Collection was the first CD I ever owned. It was a gift though. And I remember spending an obscene amount of money on a multiple cassette of the complete symphonic recording of Les Miserable when I was in junior high. 

If someone wrote a book about you, what would be the title?—I've always thought the book I would write about myself would be called "Tales of My Ridiculous Life." In fact, I had considered that as a name for my blog. Sometimes I wish I had gone with that. Maybe I'll change someday. If someone else wrote about me...hmmm...that's tough. A cheesy title would be "The Girl Who Could." because there's never been anything I haven't been able to to do if I set my mind to it and stuck to it long enough. Maybe I'd have a little more confidence in myself if I could just remember that more often!

What story do you wish your family would stop telling about you?—There aren't really any stories I'm sick of hearing. It's more that I'm sick of being made fun of for the elaborate stories that I have told over the years! 

True or false: The unicorn is the greatest mythical creature. State your case.—I think I'm more partial to mermaids. Could be because I've been listening to too much of the kids radio on Pandora and have had "Part of This World" stuck in my head.

Ahhh, it did feel good to type. It took be two days and several sittings to finish this. But yes, I enjoyed hearing the keyboard clicking away. Now to find the time and motivation to read all the other answers! I'm hoping to get a five month post up in the next day or so, but we are heading to England to visit my brother and his family on Saturday, so it might have to wait until we get back. Wish me luck traveling overseas with my little guy and my afraid to fly hubby!

PS: Even though I'm feeling a little blah, I am doing worlds better on the PPD front. Intrusive thoughts and overwhelmed tearful episodes seem to be a thing of the past!