Can You Hear the Hormones...

...Cause He-re Th-ey Co-me!

It's CD 27. Day 6 of Lupron. AF is due any day now. I'm due to go in for baseline b/w & u/s on Friday as long as she shows by Thursday.

And I'm starting to loose control. Just a little bit.

The first almost week of Lupron has gone pretty well. I'm getting afternoon headaches, my stomach has been upset, and my sleep hasn't been great. But my mood has stayed pretty high through it all. It was a really busy week with deadlines, and alternate transportation schedules, but I survived. (even though I blogging/commenting did not make it to the top of the priority list. I did most of my reading on my phone on the bus, which does not create good commenting environment!)

I had acupuncture on Thursday night, which I'm sure is helping. Since I am going to a decent sized mind/body clinic for it, I have been seeing different people each time. I don't mind too much, because I am able to schedule appointments at very convenient times. L, who I've seen the most so far, had me stick out my tounge - as usual - to which she responded "how is your sleep?" It's amazing the things they determine from my tongue. She put some tiny pins on tape into my ears at the end of the session which she said could stay there 4-7 days, or until they bothered me, which were supposed to help with insomnia. The first night was not good, but this weekend, I slept great. I did take them out this morning though, because they were starting to get annoying. It's a little weird to be going around with pins taped into your ears!

Hubby and I went to upstate NY to visit my mom this weekend, spending most of it helping her with projects around the house, including getting her garage set up for a big neighborhood sale happening in a few weeks. (because she's mostly selling our stuff for us!) Some of it involved going through my old stuff in her basement. Which turned out to be a little bit to much to take in. I realized that I have an excessive amount of photo albums...at least 5 boxes full...in her garage and basement. And I found that to be overwhelming. Someday, I will have to deal with them. I started to feel snippy and emotional for no good reason at all.

I am definitely blaming it on the hormones.

So far though, despite the fact that I fear control is slipping away, and I'm feeling like I have a shorter fuse with my emotions, in general, I am still mostly feeling calm. I was able to not completely freak out about all of my belongings, and to tell Hubby and my mom that I'd had enough of the sorting and purging. I'm hoping that calm wins the battle. But those hormones, man...they play a good game.

Practice makes Perfect

Our morning schedules are off due to my car being in the shop, and Hubby having to be in the city at 8:00am. (45-60 min away from home, as opposed to the 20 min away where we both work and don't get in until 9 on an average day). In any case, this let me to do my first Lupron shot on my own. I've only ever done a few Gonal-f pens so far, back in February. Hubby is the best and does most of the injections for me.

So, I got myself already to go, loaded up the syringe, jabbed it in (just as small as Gonal-f, but didn't go in as easy...). And then I forgot to wait a few seconds before pulling it out. When I did, a big drop of blood, and probably all of the Lupron, dripped out and down my leg. Wonderful.

But, I am not going to worry if it got in there or not. It's the first day of ten. I'll get it right tomorrow.

Another question for you experts out there. Everyone talks about their bruised bellies, which leads me to believe that's where most of the injections are going. But the videos I watched for subcutaneous injections say to rotate daily between the thigh, the stomach, and the arm (which I don't like). What is your experience with different injections sites? Is there a reason I don't know about that everyone seems to favor the belly?

We are a Go

...a go for Lupron, starting tomorrow morning!

Back on the 20th for baseline u/s and bloodwork, hopefully stims will start as scheduled, and retrieval will the very beginning of June (our anniversary is 5/31!)

So tell me, all you IVF veterans, what do I have to look forward to with Lupron? Any wise words of advice?

I can't believe we are actually starting tomorrow!

I'm Stylish!

It's taken me awhile to get around to accepting this award. I'm thrilled to have received it from Carlia at The Stork Drop Zone who's style I admire very much! She's actually inspiring me to get moving on decorating my house after she posted some great shots of her adorable dining room recently. So Carlia, thanks very much!

I'm not going to pass the award on right now, because I think that it's pretty well made the rounds, but I will take this opportunity to tell you a little more about myself by answering the ABCs of my journey...

A. Age when you started TTC (Trying To Conceive): 34

B. Baby Dancing or Sex: Sex, nookie, practice, get it on.
C. Children wanted: 2 would be nice, 1 would be incredible.
D. Dogs/Cats/Fill in Children: Two cats that came with Hubby, who like me sometimes, and other times run away from me when I treat them like dogs.
E. Essential Oils/Vitamins/Snake Oils: Multi-vitamin
F. Fertility Meds I’ve taken: Clomid, Gonal F, trigger shots, one day of Menopur...and a whole big long list starting in a few weeks.
G. Gain: Definitely gain. Holding steady so far...maybe up a pound or two from my low this fall. But it varies daily so it's hard to know for sure.
H. HSG (Hystosalpingogram): Clear.
I. Infertile Pet Peeves: People who complain about parenthood or pregnancy.
J. Job title: Interior Designer
K. Kid’s names you’re afraid will be taken by the time you can use them: see this post
L. Length of time TTC: 25 months not protecting, 19 months paying attention, 13 months since my first dose of Clomid
M. Miscarriages: Chemical Pregnancy in Feb 2010
N. Number of times you’ve switched OB/GYNS, REs, FSs: My primary sent me to an OB/GYN, one RE from there. Considering a second opinion depending on the result of our upcoming IVF.
O. Ovarian quality: Totally fine.
P. POAS (pee on a stick) or wait for AF: I wait more often than not.
Q. Quote from an obnoxious fertile: "I can't feel bad that you have insomnia, my 5 month old doesn't sleep..."
T. Time you tried naturally: approximately 1 year depending on when you start counting
U. Uterus quality: ready for the cover of Uterus Magazine.
V. Vitamins? Just a regular women's multi-vitamin. My digestive system was rebelling against pre-natals with too much extra iron.
W. What baby stuff do you already have?: Just a bunch of fabric scraps from blankets I've made for other babies, hoping to make one for my own child someday.
X. X-tra X-tra Hear all about it! How many people know the ins and outs of our crazy TTC journey?: I'm not sure anyone but our therapists know all the ins and outs, but our moms and siblings know that IVF is coming, and my bridesmaids.
Y. Yearly Exam. Do you still go in even though someone sees your lady parts most months?: Haven't been for anything except a pap smear because I had an abnormal last year and they needed me to follow up.
Z. Zits: Lately I've been breaking out on my chest. Not fun. 

When life hands you lemons...

Drink Tequilla.

Oh, wait a minute...Hubby and I both gave up alcohol for this IVF cycle. Hmmm...eat chocolate? No, that won't work, all that sugar and caffeine.

I guess the answer is lemonade then. Although, that takes sugar too.

Ok, pucker then. I guess the answer is pucker.

We're having one of those weekends where nothing seems to go according to plan. But before I tell you about that, I want to thank you all for all the great comments, words of advice and encouragement with my house keeping woes. It is nice to know I'm not the only one who struggles.

I came up with a plan, which helped to get caught up on the kitchen and clutter on the main floor in general. We are TV people. We have three Tivos in our house, one with a dual tuner. It's a bit of a problem. I think Hubby hasn't watched a commercial in years. Before I met him, commercials were when I cleaned. It's very simple. Two minutes to race against the clock to see how quickly I can unload the dishwasher. Can I get it fully loaded on the next commercial? I decided this week, we were watching Idol live, with all the commercials in their full glory. (muting, as Hubby tried, doesn't work...I need to hear how much longer I have!) It worked like a charm. I got the house picked up, and got to rest on the couch in between cleaning sprints. I think this will be the new rule with Idol in our house. (and with So You Think You Can Dance this summer....my absolute favorite!)

Now, on with the lemons.

Friday afternoon, friend of ours in New Hampshire who we've been trying to find time to see (I refuse to commit to late May/early June not knowing what IVF will bring) had extra tickets to a Guster concert at the last minute. When I first got the email from Hubby, I thought, really? I have to drive an hour (without traffic) in rush hour to go to a show when I don't really know any of the music. It's Friday, and I'm tired, and I have acupuncture at 9:30 the next morning. But, it's a good opportunity to get together with these friends we haven't seen. And I'm trying to let loose and be spontaneous, and not be upset with things surprise me, or don't go according to plan. So I agreed to go.

I got home from work a little early. Hubby had already picked up dinner so we could eat in the car. We jumped in my car, and headed north in the rush hour traffic. We'd gotten a few exits, when the engine temperature light came on with a big ding. Hmmm...is that bad, we thought? Maybe before we get too much further, we should turn around and grab the truck at home. Hubby worked on that, while I turned the heat on, and grabbed the car manual out of the glove compartment.

I read that it was indeed about the engine temp. If the car was dangerously hot, the light would come on, and it would ding continuously ten times. OK, so far, so good. We didn't have ten dings. Shortly after we managed to get on the other side of the highway, there it was...the incessant dinging. We had no choice but to pull over. There was a cop in front of us who walked up to see if we needed help. As she approached the window Hubby said "Do you know why I pulled you over officer?" Thankfully, she burst out laughing. We thought we were fine, we just needed to let the car cool for a few minutes. We were so close to getting back home, it was already 6:30, the concert started at 8 (well, the opener anyway), and we didn't want to be stuck on the side of the road forever waiting for help. If we could just make it home.

After a few minutes, we started off again, only to have to pull over once again to stop the dinging. We called 911 and asked for the help van...which thankfully showed up within about 5 min. He filled the coolant, and followed us until we got off the highway. We had to pull over two more times, before we finally made it to our street! I'm proud of both of us for staying very calm. It was actually quite the accomplishment. Hubby decided to back the car into the driveway, in preparation for a tow truck having to pick it up. Just as the back wheels hit the slight slope up at the edge of the driveway, the car shut itself off.

Awesome.

Now, we were paranoid that the engine was really damaged or something. And we had a car sticking out into the road. Hubby tried his best to push the car with me steering, but the slope was to much of a challenge. So, he went for the big guns, jumped in the truck, and pushed me like a snow plow into the driveway. It was really kind of amusing. I wonder what our neighbors thought!

So, we regrouped, checked in with our friends to let them know we were running late, and jumped in the truck. An hour later, we were almost there. We got off the highway, and hubby burst out laughing. We were going about 35-40 on an regular road, and his speedometer read 120mph! WTF? Was everything going to fall apart? I though next Friday, the 13th, was supposed to be the unlucky one. Seriously? The good news is that the truck is still working fine, it's just confused.

The concert was fun, even though I was kind of tired, and only recognized two songs. We had the chance to stay for a meet and greet after the show to meet the band, but when my legs started buckling from exhaustion, Hubby decided we could call it a night.

We had planned to get a lot of stuff done around the house this weekend, and now it looked like we were going to be stuck dealing with a sick car all day. Not to mention figuring out our work commutes next week with only one car. But whatever, we'd figure it out. When we got home, hubby started up the car, and we convinced ourselves that the engine was not dead, so we could rest easier.

In the morning, he grabbed his laptop in bed to research what might be wrong with the car. And then, a window popped up saying his hard drive was crashing! Come on universe! This isn't funny anymore. I had to leave for acupuncture, taking the truck, and therefore unable to do the other errands I need to afterwords. I'm really bad a parking the truck, so I can only take it to certain places!

When I got back, Hubby had determined that it wasn't actually his hard drive, but a virus, but the fate of all his data is yet to be determined. (which reminds me to ask the question if anyone out there uses an online back up service they would recommend??)

Thankfully, the rest of the day has passed uneventfully. I did not get done as much as I had wanted to, because I ended up needing an hour and a half nap to make up for getting home after midnight last night (I feel so old sometimes!). The car is still dead in the driveway, but Hubby got lots of electrical work done, and I did get to some purging that's been on my list. We'll see what tomorrow brings.

Oh yeah, Mother's Day. That's what tomorrow brings.

Thankfully, Hubby agreed to skip the big get together with his family. I just couldn't do it this year. We'll have his mom over for dinner sometime in the next week or so instead. And we're visiting my mom next weekend. So we have tomorrow to ourselves! I'm still not sure how we're going to spend it. But I hope all of you have a fantastic day...all of you  who have made it to the other side, and especially all of you who are still trying, like me. We are all expectant mothers, and should do something nice for ourselves tomorrow. We deserve it dammit!

One more quick thought to end what has turned out to be somewhat of a rambling post...I go in for blood work on Monday morning and will hopefully be starting lupron. I can't believe we're finally here! I have to remind myself at how well we both handled the chaos of the last twenty-four hours, because life is only going to get more hectic from here on out.

And I actually do love lemonade.

I can't get no...satisfaction

Despite the fact that Hubby and I spent the weekend in our yard for the first time this year (and for me ever), cleaning up, filling up 17 yard waste bags, and making 12 bundles of sticks, I am still feeling pissed off and annoyed that the inside of my house is a cluttered mess, that my suitcase from my vacation is still lying on the bedroom floor with stuff in it, that there are 3 loads of laundry sitting clean in baskets, getting more and more wrinkled while they wait to be put away.

I know this is a theme with me of late, but I am really struggling with living in the moment, and feeling accomplished and proud of things like 17 bags of yard waste, instead of feeling guilty about all the other things I didn't do. It's been a problem I've had for most of my life, and is probably exacerbated right now with the anticipation of IVF. I sometimes attribute it to bouncing back and forth between parents as a teen...never in the right place, always somewhere else I could be.

Any insights would be most appreciated. How do you all keep up with life?

Hubby says just focus on the big projects, like the yard or organizing the office, and don't stress about the laundry and dishes, because there will always be laundry and dishes. His mom, my mom, and many people have to run around their house picking up like crazy maniacs because they are having company. But that doesn't change the fact that I am not happy living amongst a mess day to day anymore. And I am also not happy feeling like I can't manage to fit in creatively fulfilling projects.

I am apparently hard to satisfy.

So tell me, am I the only one out there living amongst clutter, piles of laundry, dirty dishes, and unpacked suitcases?

Mid-Cycle Woes

Does anyone else become an emotional, irritible, bitchy basket case around ovulation? And I should mention that there are no drugs involved right now as we are in the waiting period before Lupron. It's all me...and I am a mess!