Perspective

This past Saturday, I headed down to Duchess County, NY for a little reunion with some of my college girlfriends. 5 of us gathered at the home of my friend A. Of the five of us, L, one of my best friends who was in my wedding has two kids, 5 and 2. KD got married on the same day I did and never wants to have kids. KC has a 14 month old son, and A is divorced, just broke off an engagement, and seems to consistently date men with teenage kids. Seems like a fairly safe weekend on the pregnancy announcement front, right?

As well all arrived, A offered us a glass of sangria. KC was the last to arrive. She was still standing on the entrance mat when A offered up the sangria. "I can't," she said, with a dramatic wave of her arm "I'm four months pregnant..." she uttered, sounding a wee bit dismayed. "We hadn't planned on having two under two."

Of the crowd there, only L knows what I have been through. There was a lot of excitement, some labor stories. I'm not even sure. I managed a congratulatory hug, and was able to sneak off to the bathroom for a few deep breaths.

Later in the evening, the conversation turned to KC again. She again talked about her stress about having two under two. Finally, I couldn't take it any longer. I blurted out "I'm actually hoping for twins." I just couldn't sit there and listen to her pity herself for being given such an amazing gift, twice, when there are so many of us who long for just one. Just one.

With the help of L, I managed to fill them in on what has been going on. KD said she had wondered. A didn't seem surprised either. And then, KC started in on the stories. I'm sure she felt awkward being that she was just complaining about something I admitted to wanting so desperately. But really, I don't need to hear about how your aunt was told to abort her twins because they might have been conjoined (they weren't) and then later went on to have at least two more children, all naturally, even after the age of forty. Can someone tell me how that is supposed to help? Someone brought up the age old adoption makes you get pregnant anecdote (yes Baby Hopes, we all know, you made it come true!) I had to shoot that one down by telling them that adoption has absolutely no statistical impact on pregnancy rates. I can't stand it!

Mostly, they didn't ask me too much. A expressed concern for the fact that she is 37 and is still undecided as to whether or not she wants children. He current boyfriend of 3 months has an 11 and a 16 year old. He's in his mid/late 40s. I was proud that I was able to tell them, and that I was able to shoot down a few obnoxiouss oblivious fertile comments.

The interesting thing was that there I was, feeling incredibly jealous of KC, when later in the evening, she admitted that not only is she alcohol free because she's pregnant, but also because her husband has an alcohol problem. He will buy a six pack, and then not stop until it's gone, and ends up drunk. She found him this way once at home alone with their baby. He hasn't "messed up" as she put it, since March.

Anyway, it was a good reminder that everyone has shit going on in their lives. I might be all consumed with IF, and jealous of anyone who doesn't have to suffer, but just because they don't suffer that, doesn't mean their lives are perfect. A is divorced, called of an engagement, has a bipolar sister, and a mom recovering from cancer - among other things. KD mom also had cancer, her grandmother died, and her drug addict sister-in-law was living with her for awhile, stealing her pain killers. L on the other hand, well, her life is pretty damn idyllic with the exception of the 22 inches of water she got in her basement during the hurricane earlier this year. Everyone has something, right? I wish for us all that the biggest pain in our lives would come from a wet basement.